EVE New Citizens Q&A

There is a common term. In space no one can hear you scream, thats what this guy keeps reminding me because hes been following me for a long time.
It all started when curiosity forced me to enter this wormhole I found which the description says it shouldve closed yesterday. So I thought why not you only live once and entered the wormhole. Oh before I set course I made sure I have plenty of food and supplies for me and my crew on board.

Took a deep breath and entered for the first time... and wola! I believe I am currently millions of lightyearz away from new eden In this strange, quiet cold unforgiving uncharted space. After I decided my best course of action is to scan nearby anomalies for anything since its clear I dont plan to leave soon, I did find some rather spectacular views in space.. amazing asteroid formations to ancient relic sites on a grand scale. I truly felt dwarfed by the sheer scale.

Everything seems fine around this place besides the homesick feeling I get the longer I stay here, thankfully my slaver hound isnt chewing up circuit boards. I decided to explore further but server was restarting so ill get back into it after its back on... thats when things started to go wrong...

so I logged back in and did my probing as usual. After an hour of searching I decided I seen enough and warped back to my wormhole bookmark. But as I arrived... I realised something terrible had happened. My... wormhole disappeared...it vanished! What the hell?? How the hell am I going to find home now?!
I didnt plan for the this to happen. Instead of crying and whinging I told myself I aint giving up. Not yet. Time to scan and hope for the best.

After 2 hours of continuous scanning the best signature I found was a gas site.. still no other wormholes of any kind.
What did caught me completely off guard was a line of message in local chat asking "hey you need some help? ;)"
I didnt know what I should do.. I stayed silent not knowing what I should do.. im stuck in this system and this person who goes by the name carl could be my way outta here.
Carl respondes again saying I know you are here.. speak to me pls dont be shy
.. so I thought why not im desperate at this point.

On local I started by saying hello carl how are you? And in turn he asked why am I here.
I responded by telling him that im stuck here for hours and that my wormhole collapsed. He then asked if I had any friends around the area which I replied no.. and why? His responce.. "wait right there were going to have some fun ;))"
I waslike OK this guy is sick in the head and my instinct forced me to warp away as fast as I can..

While at a nearby planet I decided to send probes out again to find another way home and I wasnt going to let this psycho stop me or scare me. However he found me again... and smiled at me...and proceeded to ask where am I going?
"You want help?? Scream!!! Scream louda! You are going nowhere!!!". His exact words. Although he did give me 10 seconds headstart. He did constantly remind me that its just us 2 here... and that he wants to be my husband....

Ill admit its pretty funny because its sooo goddamn disturbing... afterwards he started singing... and revealed his plans on what to do to me...
An hour goes by and with great luck I found another wormhole! Without saying goodbye to that psycho I rushed to warp at my location to find that wormhole sitting there intact..... with carl docked nearby In his rather splendid flagship.. rats..
"It took u dat long to find this wh? 1? This is WH YOU NEED MEEE. ADMIT IT YOU NEED MY LIGHT TO GUIDE YOU SINNER! REPENT!
So I Ran again... and again... and again... and still carl follows me everywhere I go.. I cant leave this place. Not without me somehow accepting some of carl's demands.. so I asked him... what do you want from me?????? You ******* *******
At that point he laughed... quite excessively... his answer was.." You" and that im never allowed to leave this area of space until I succumb to "its" demonic urges..

I basically given up at this point... this isnt life... just existence... for days on end I try to escape and failed... what now?!
Carl is planning something again and constantly winking at me. I finally had enough and said fk it im going to try attacking him. Which..... failed as my damage barely scatched his shields.... great....
"Awwww sweety... for that its a lite spanky from daddy!!!" And so he charged his guns and blasted me " kekekek see that? 1? 1? One shot from my legion babygurl and ur nearly ded... dont mess with PAPA"
I didn want to be near him any longer so I warped to this suppsed abandoned space colony... he laughed and not surprisingly he manages to get here first... he then forced me to approach the ruins while giggling along the way.. I believe this will be the place of my demise as he made it clear since I rejected his marriage proposals three times..
So in a brilliant display of laser energy he incinerated my beloved ship.. that I worked so hard to get whislt he reminded me he could afford millions of them with ease....
Before he targeted my escape pod he said he truly loved me as a human bean as a friend.. and that he only wished to have a family..

Just as my impending doom was about to take place.. strange shadows started appearing.. everywhere...
"Oh s### you gotta be @^$&@&$ me.... you f***** lil ****** OFC THE FFING SLEEEPERS COME OUT NOW.... ITS NOT INSURED YOU PIECE OF S*** "

Needless to say these strange beings tore his ship apart piece by piece. And it was spectacular to watch.. so after 11 days of torture carl is no more.



My new problem right now is that I got no more probe launcher with my ship destroyed.. So how do I find my way home? Guess ill figure that out after my oxygen tank is used up...

That was a fantastic read.

This is how I imagine what Carl looks like: http://i.imgur.com/uplsoz6.gifv

I'm sorry but there is no escape. Now that Carl is dead you'll simply have to take his place, waiting in the depths of unknown space for the next sucker to come along as the space madness begins to set in.

Hah great read, @ OP you have 2 choices, take the pod express by self destructing your capsule, or hope that somebody else comes along and doesn't want to add your corpsicle to their collection.

Such is the way of the Acolytes of Bob.

Ouch! you should have bookmarked it. Get those bookmarks working in the future. You can even create them while in warp. Good read though, a step above tl;dr for a long post. I use to get really lost in UO and EQ1 in the early days, always really loved that. Here it doesn't happen often, but it still happens. I mean like totally lost etc. In this case though, when you found an exit, should have dropped a bookmark before warping off. Next time though. Yeah... self destruct ...or wait. I'd say ask someone in forums to probe you down from the system you entered from, but already collapsed it sounds like, so no telling where the new ent is or where to look from the outside. New here? Sounds like you'll do good here. Lucks!

I can't stop laughing. Just...

I'm going to try and finish reading now.

EDIT: ded.


Anyone else think Carl is a Shafluffers alt?

Thanks for the story, OP. Moar pls.

Years ago use to see a lot of thread titles like this. Regardless if the story is true or not, it was definitely an excellent read.



Also there was some very good info posted here, especially for new players. I'm sorry to say this but as others have stated, only way home now is via pod express (self destruct).

When you decide to enter another W-hole in the future, use a ship fitted with Cloak and make a couple of Safe Spots before exploring the system. That way you can sit cloaked and do some probing without being bothered by Carl again.





DMC