EVE General Discussion

Yorkshire folk don't like to waste owt.

First post on the forums since I subbed, this felt important enough for me to log on for.

Kezti sundareur, gran' admiral o' amarr's imperial navy, stood a sen inside t' massi' cathedral, dwarfed by t' icons o' eternity 'a' glinted distantly int' lampleight. 'e remained utterly still, noggin leaned t'wards t' vaulted ceilin. quiet times wor 'ard ta *** by int' empire these days. theear wor eur metallic clank. behin' sundareur, on tutheur side o' t' cathedral, t' massi' doors slowly swung open. footsteps echoed off t' marble floor, then stopped. "welcome, capteeam," sundareur sez wiyaa' turnin aroun'. "admiral," t' capteeam sez. "capteeam, why does thee think thas 'eear?" sundareur asked i' eur quiet bur clear voice. "tell uz, sir," t' capteeam sez i' noncommittal tones. sundareur noticed t' captain's reticence. 'e turned 'n stared directly intoa t' captain's een. "we're goan war, capteeam. fulfillin wee lives' purpose. aren't theur suited?" 'e sez, wi' t' slightest 'int o' irony. "i chuffin' couldn't seh, sir." the admiral sighed. "alreight. speyt freely. it'll be t' last tahhm i' eur long while, sa enjoy it while it lasts." the capteeam made as if ta speyt, 'esitated, 'n shut 'is gob agin. 'e skint t' gaze 'n looked a' t' cathedral walls, whose tinted windows 'ed changed 'ue 'n added eur shinin bronze teur t' evening's red rays. eventually 'e sez, "i dooant think we can win dis war. ah dooant even think theear should be eur war." "recent events pass theur by, capteeam?" t' admiral sez. "i 'ear we 'ed um action. eur bit o' revolt, even." "sir-" "the largest armadeur o' minmatar forces ivva seen crosses o'a intoa wee space, abducts millions o' souls 'n causes untowd destruction 'n 'avoc int' life o' perfectly innocent fowk. t' onny thin 'a' saves wee reet afowa t' wev breyts is an intervention sa defini' 'n miraculous theur could almost call it divine. 'n theur, eur leada o' t' emperor's own 'oly fleet," t' admiral added, walkin close enuff teur t' capteeam 'a' thea chests nearly met, "don't think theear should be eur war." this tahhm t' capteeam 'eld 'is gaze. "noa, sir. ah dooant." "expleeam yursen." "we're still reelin afta t' minmatar onslaught. wea'ar changin leaders, which allus throws eur spanna intoa t' works-" "masta politico-theologians seh wea'ar experiencin eur glorious seeur change o' unprecedented proportions, wi' nobbut celestial glory 'n 'eavenly fate 'a' awaits wee." "theologians can suk uz apoc, sir. wea'ar t' ones mannin t' guns." sundareur betrayed eur smile. "alreight. lug on." "luk, sir, ah'm as 'appy as t' next bloke 'a' sarum is back i' powa. ah 'onestly am. bur wea'ar eur seeur o' fowk, vast 'n 'eavy. she'll need tahhm ta rahte everyone ta 'a cause, even t' ones whoa beleev i' it. 'n if t' reclaimin is ta restart i' earnest, we'll need ta doa it properly reet fra t' start. t' effoarts won't alla owt less than eur unified front, eur genuinely unified one; not just t' sycophants 'n paranoieur o' karsoth's owd court. we need ta clean 'ouse afowa we move intoa anyone else's." "you've given dis um thowt, capteeam." "well, uz superiors insist on addin complexities ta uz job, sir. ah'm merely tryin ta adapt." *** the gran' admiral thowt dis o'a. 'e wor sittin i' eur reeight comfortable chair, considerin reeight unpleasant things. 'is capteeam stood afowa 'im, eur small figure i' eur vast 'n well-lit roa. thee wor i' eur penthouse within shahtin distance o' t' crystal boulevard. lowa military orders wor ensconced i' bunkers beneyth t' boulevard's translucent shields, bur t' admiral wunt ta let 'imself be cowed intoa those. besides, i' 'is carea 'e'd attended menny long meetings i' close quarters wi' overexcited navy brass, 'n 'e knew exactly wha' it 'ood be li'. fowk thowt betta, up 'eear int' fresh air. "complexities such as?" the capteeam tuk eur deep breyth. "aside fra t' tahhm we need ta soarts art internal chaos, t' external situation is sa fragile 'a' we can barely doa owt a' orl. theur can't sneeze i' luminaire wiyaa' both wee side 'n theirs lockin 'n loadin. if we fire even 'un volley ... well, thea captains meight av sense ta od' back, bur concut will roar reet i' 'n stomp aroun', gerrin everyone excited, 'n soona or lata um clart noggin 'otshot will see 'is guinell ta glory. everythin gets set off, 'n orl that's gallock o' everee planet i' luminaire is eur series o' smokin craters." "duly noted, capteeam," t' admiral sez. "we can't start anotha war i' luminaire, which burns um o' wee 'awks neya en'. 'n we certainly can't shun or withdraw fra concut unless we want ta supercharge t' current chaos. wha' else?" the capteeam, starin straeight forrad, kept eur carefully blank expression. "theear is summa' else, sir?" "capteeam, we just lost an entire planet ta eur madman. thars served unda uz for years. dis is neya tahhm for doubts or secret thoughts. wha' else? 'n stan' a' ease, for goodness' sake." the capteeam maintained 'a stance bur 'a voice softened somewha'. shi sez, "sir ... wha' are we goan doa abaht t' capsuleers?" anteson ranchel, whoa 'ed bin vice admiral o' t' gallente federation navy reet up while t' point 'is predecessor made 'un o' t' biggest military blunders i' federation 'istory, gev 'is best capteeam eur gurt grin. "well naw," 'e sez, "that's eur bit o' eur problem. eur group o' fowk sa powerful they're practically eur faction untoa thersen. immortal, fearless 'n wealthy beyon' imaginin. born o' orl fowa empires bur behahden, i' truth, ta neya 'un bur thersen. 'n utterly untapped, i' dis lahl skirmish o' ours." "we need 'em, sir." "of course we doa, capteeam. they'll turn t' tide o' t' war. everee capsulea worth thea pod should be takin eur stan' reet naw, 'n 'elpin t' forces o' reet against t' tyranny 'n violence 'a' envelops wee." the capteeam nodded. "an' wheear, meight ah ax," t' admiral continued, "should 'a' stan' be teken?" "eur long way fra 'eear, if it wor up ta uz, sir," t' capteeam sez. "last thin we need is opposin forces o' pod pilots shootin a' apiece otha reet ahtside wee planet." the admiral smiled. "good. ah'm glad i've

ta gallente 'ighsec space." "an' luminaire a' last," admiral engsten sez. "an' luminaire a' last, ma'am," t' capteeam sez, eur sleight tremor i' 'is voice. "along wi' everythin else. we'll tek thea edges, 'n then there'll be nowt gallock bur t' centa. we'll doa it, admiral." the fleet admiral pur 'a 'an' int' san' agin. "an' ther's neya doubt i' thy min' 'a' we can doa dis?" "of course not. wea'ar caldari. 'n wea'ar int' reet." the admiral smiled. t' san' 'issed as it flowed thru 'a fingers. *** aside fra t' 'iss, t' roa wor entirely silent. t' fi' jovians inside sa' 'n stared intoa t' etha. thee wor surrounded by polycarbonate windows 'a' showed t' starry space ahtside. the 'iss cem fra an open comms line. the jovians waited. *** in fowa different elevators on fowa different stations, twoa diplomats getten i' ont' top floor. 'un, whoa represented an empire faction, tuk art fra 'is pocket eur small datapadan' cracked eur joke abaht wars. tutheur, whoa represented concut, accepted t' datapad, signed it wi' 'is identity key, 'n laughed a' t' joke. the elevator ride wor long 'n t' diplomats spoke swiftly, codin 'n signin t' necessary digital back-and-forth wi' practiced 'ands. by t' tahhm thee getten art, t' fowa empires 'ed petitioned concut ta ratify an emergency capsulea militieur procedure, 'n wor naw officially a' war.

Well, if you're being posh - substitute lard for beef dripping (great Yorkshire puddings )

Thats nasty.

Strawberry jam FTW.

Last post?

Jesus Christ Spank, just how much spam do we have to put into one thread before it gets locked?

M-M in Great Wild Lands! I'm a nullbear now remember :p

Hmm, i was there last night, its boring now with no one actually wanting to put up a fight, even the phobia guys got bored and moved on.

Owd bloke star

those travelin within t' gallente federation fra t' peccanouette circle teur t' patrie perimeta can mek eur shortcut midway thru by traversin ouperieur - eur parky 'n uninhabited whi' dwarf system. few naw rememba t' nem ouperieur - most fowk onny kna it by wha' it is commonly called, owd bloke star. interstellar jump dri' technology is fairly new. while it cem along, t' onny way fert empires ta expan' thea territory wor ta sen' eur ship ta eur solar system ta build eur stargate. t' fastest versions o' these construction ships managed eur speed o' ceur. 30% o' t' speed o' leet. a' dis speed eur system 10 light-years away could be reached i' 33 years, or theear abaht. t' crew o' t' construction ships wor pur intoa cryogenic stasis fert duration o' t' trip, onny ta be revived once t' destination wor neared. lata, afta jump dri' technology becem available, several o' these ships wor retrofitted wi' jump drives. dis meant 'a' decades-long trips wor eur thin o' t' past. 'oweva, none o' these ahda models 'ed bin built ta 'andle t' soarts o' technology fahn' i' these jump drives, 'n dis meant 'a' stories o' fateful malfunctions circulated frequently. 'un such story wor 'a' o' owd bloke darieux’s construction ship. in yc 11, when t' gallente-caldari war wor near its en', eur gallentean construction ship set art fert desolate system then known as ouperieur. theear wor lahl monetary geeam ta be 'ed fra t' system’s middlin asteroid fields, bur eur stargate theear 'ood serve as eur link atwixt t' peccanouette circle 'n t' patrie perimeta, which made it eur gran' long-term trade prospect. t' construction ship departed fra villooar system, um 12 leet years distant. estimated travel tahhm wor onny eur few minutes. t' crew consisted o' fi' fowk, eur 'uge reduction fra t' owd days when dozens o' crewmen wor needed – wi' t' technological advances made o'a t' course o' t' war, swarms o' drones 'n robots wor by 'a' point responsible for most o' t' actual construction, wi' t' crew actin mostly as operators 'n technicians. shortly afta t' construction ship set art, disasta befell it. eur miscalculation int' dri' made t' jump misfire, sendin t' ship several leet years off course 'n plantin it int' middle o' an asteroid belt. seconds lata, eur large asteroid clowt t' ship full force. t' impact killed fowa o' t' ship’s crew, bur t' fifth survived. 'is nem wor ceul darieux 'n 'e wor t' ship’s drone operator. back 'ooam t' authorities, still embroiled int' war, wor facin girt internal debate as thee pondered concord-mediated peace talks wi' t' caldari. findin lahl incenti' ta lose anotha multi-million isk ship on eur system wi' neya greyta short-term value than ouperieur, thee opted ta shelve t' project. sin t' vessel’s calculation error wor evident teur t' station personnel who’d sent it off, 'n 'cos its subspace beacon 'n comms arrays 'ed bin damaged int' impact, t' ship wor believed destroyed 'n written off. darieux’s immediate problem wor 'a ta feed 'imself – ta sev space 'n weeight neya scran wor carried ont' ship, bur t' greenhouse bulbs fra t' ship’s earlia incarnation wor still equipped ta gra edible plants. dis, 'oweva, required t' proximity o' eur sun ta provide t' essential leet 'n 'ea' - i' shoarts, t' greenhouse bulbs 'n t' plant seeds wor feckless i' deep space. wattah wor an equally pressin problem, as wor t' shortage o' oxygen. t' state o' t' ship did not mek things enny easia - t' asteroid 'ed ripped eur 'uge gash intoa t' side o' t' ship 'n destroyed menny o' t' ship’s vital systems. t' cargoa od' wor clowt especially 'ard - debris o' destroyed equipment 'n pieces o' t' asteroid cluttered t' small space. darieux pur 'is engineerin skills ta gran' use ta solve these problems. 'e began by tamperin wi' t' fuel tanks. t' fuel tanks, filled wi' liquid 'ydrogen 'n liquid oxygen, served t' propulsion system once t' ship 'ed ta be slowed daahn once near t' destination system. fiddlin wi' t' fuel tanks wor extremely dangerous, as t' ingredients wor 'ighly flammable, bur wi' patience 'n caution darieux managed ta gerr eur controlled reaction art o' t' fuel, which gev 'im both wattah 'n oxygen. then 'e welded togetha everee piece o' glass 'n metal plate 'e could musta int' ship ta gatha 'n stooar wha' lahl leet 'e could fra distant stars. dis wor sufficient for 'im ta start scran production i' 'un greenhouse bulb - by linkin t' bulb intoa t' ship’s septic tank fertilizers fert plants wor secured. t' result wor enuff scran for 'un bloke 'n lata enuff oxygen production an' orl. i' otha words, darieux managed ta creyte 'is own lahl ecological system. once darieux 'ed stabilized t' conditions ont' ship 'n provided for 'imself 'e next 'ed ta adjust t' course o' t' ship. t' impact 'ed slightly altered t' ship’s course 'n int' vastness o' space it meant t' ship 'ood bypass t' ouperieur system by billions o' kilometers. t' propulsion system 'ed bin damaged beyon' repair - t' ship wor art o' control 'n 'eadin intoa deep space for eternity. t' mooar tahhm spent on eur solution t' furtha adrift t' ship 'ood be, sa eur sharp resolution wor required. asteead o' spendin valuable tahhm tryin ta build eur new propulsion system darieux opted for eur mooar ingenious solution: t' ship wor equipped wi' eur token force o' comba' missiles. darieux fired t' missiles 'n turned 'em aroun' ta explode against t' strongest points o' t' ship’s armor. by carefully calculatin t' impact points 'n controllin t' size o' t' explosion darieux managed ta correctly align t' ship ta its original course. darieux briefly contemplated tryin ta turn t' ship completely aroun', bur sharp realized 'a' 'e neitha 'ed enuff missiles for dis, nor 'ood t' 'ull withstan' such eur brute way o' turnin aroun' even if 'e 'ed 'em. na t' dullest part o' t' journey began, as t' ship wor still decades fra ouperieur system a' its current speed. darieux spent t' tahhm creytin gran' robots 'n designs usin t' scrap 'eap int' cargoa od'. 'e...