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New Drifter conspiracy theory claims Minmatar origin !
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Muck Raker
Gutter Press
#1 - 2015-08-08 08:24:40 UTC
As the Drifter intrusions continue, many conspiracy theories about their origins have begun to emerge.

While many of these conspiracy theories point at Jovian origin, given the similarities in DNA found in Drifter wrecks, there are a number of other origins claimed.

One of the theories claims that the Drifters are, in fact, Minmatar from the future !

Sensational !

Based on the very slight resemblance of the hull shapes of the Minmatar Republic designed Hurricane battlecruiser, and the Drifter Battleships that have been observed, some have claimed that this is proof of Minmatar origin !

The theory goes on to claim that this is why the Drifters have mostly appeared in Amarr Empire space, that it is in retribution for the Amarr occupation of the three Minmatar solar systems.

The advanced design of Drifter ship and weapon systems is attributed to the Drifter origin being in the future, using advanced wormhole technology to travel through time as well as space !

Incredible !

We asked several people for their opinions:

"Minmatar from the future? Are they insane?", asked one Gallente exotic dancer.
"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!", said a Jin-Mei exotic dancer.
"But what about the Jovian DNA ? Surely that rules out Minmatar origin ?", asked a Sebiestor exotic dancer.
"Whatever they are, I have faith that men like Anslo Tetua are hard enough to stand against them", said an Intaki exotic dancer.
"Drifter Minmatar from the future ? Oh, that's terrifying", said another Gallente exotic dancer.


Whatever the truth is behind the Drifters, it is slow in revealing itself, causing ideal conditions for conspiracy theories to take root !


Gutter Press. Uncovering the Truth.

Rumours, Wars, Rumours of Wars, Wars of Rumours!
Utari Onzo
Escalated.
OnlyFleets.
#2 - 2015-08-08 09:25:29 UTC
Mmm, time for the morning read. I do enjoy breakfast with a slice of humour.

"Face the enemy as a solid wall For faith is your armor And through it, the enemy will find no breach Wrap your arms around the enemy For faith is your fire And with it, burn away his evil"
Andreus Ixiris
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#3 - 2015-08-08 10:51:21 UTC
I find that humour tends to lose its crispness when sliced. I prefer to consume it whole.

Andreus Ixiris > A Civire without a chin is barely a Civire at all.

Pieter Tuulinen > He'd be Civirely disadvantaged, Andreus.

Andreus Ixiris > ...

Andreus Ixiris > This is why we're at war.
Mizhara Del'thul
Kyn'aldrnari
#4 - 2015-08-08 12:16:26 UTC
Well that explains why my chief engineers start getting anxious when I start prodding around my Sleipnir to see what is drawing so much power. I should probably restrict their access to the reactor cores.

... or simply let him do his thing. Flying the prototype Drifter ship could be fun.

Sebiestor engineers, I swear. Can't let them out of your sight for an hour before they device a way to end New Eden, Empire first.
Arrendis
TK Corp
#5 - 2015-08-08 13:01:51 UTC
Mizhara Del'thul wrote:
Sebiestor engineers, I swear. Can't let them out of your sight for an hour before they device a way to end New Eden, Empire first.


Quiet, you, I'm trying to get this 500mn microwarp to fit onto my Thrasher with a pair of 1400mm Artillery strapped to the sides!

You know, if you point them backwards, they're actually a pretty good propulsion system for a hull that small...
Elmund Egivand
Tribal Liberation Force
Minmatar Republic
#6 - 2015-08-08 20:26:46 UTC  |  Edited by: Elmund Egivand
Mizhara Del'thul wrote:
Well that explains why my chief engineers start getting anxious when I start prodding around my Sleipnir to see what is drawing so much power. I should probably restrict their access to the reactor cores.

... or simply let him do his thing. Flying the prototype Drifter ship could be fun.

Sebiestor engineers, I swear. Can't let them out of your sight for an hour before they device a way to end New Eden, Empire first.


Maybe they should have stuck to improvising the Sleipnir's sensor suites into a radio broadcast antenna.

Arrendis wrote:
Mizhara Del'thul wrote:
Sebiestor engineers, I swear. Can't let them out of your sight for an hour before they device a way to end New Eden, Empire first.


Quiet, you, I'm trying to get this 500mn microwarp to fit onto my Thrasher with a pair of 1400mm Artillery strapped to the sides!

You know, if you point them backwards, they're actually a pretty good propulsion system for a hull that small...


1400mm Artillery only produce thrust in bursts. The agility is also shite. Why not autocannons?

A Minmatar warship is like a rusting Beetle with 500 horsepower Cardillac engines in the rear, armour plating bolted to chassis and a M2 Browning stuck on top.
Foley Aberas Jones
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#7 - 2015-08-08 20:32:04 UTC
Arrendis wrote:
Mizhara Del'thul wrote:
Sebiestor engineers, I swear. Can't let them out of your sight for an hour before they device a way to end New Eden, Empire first.


Quiet, you, I'm trying to get this 500mn microwarp to fit onto my Thrasher with a pair of 1400mm Artillery strapped to the sides!

You know, if you point them backwards, they're actually a pretty good propulsion system for a hull that small...



When this Thrasher reaches 11,893.09 M/s


...You are gonna see some serious ****....
Tyrel Toov
Non-Hostile Target
Wild Geese.
#8 - 2015-08-08 21:31:01 UTC
Mizhara Del'thul wrote:
Well that explains why my chief engineers start getting anxious when I start prodding around my Sleipnir to see what is drawing so much power. I should probably restrict their access to the reactor cores.

... or simply let him do his thing. Flying the prototype Drifter ship could be fun.

Sebiestor engineers, I swear. Can't let them out of your sight for an hour before they device a way to end New Eden, Empire first.

We have already come up with several, but people keep throwing out words like "genocide", "madness", "immoral", and "mutually assured destruction". We never get to implement any of them....

I want to paint my ship Periwinkle.
Arrendis
TK Corp
#9 - 2015-08-08 22:42:26 UTC
Elmund Egivand wrote:
1400mm Artillery only produce thrust in bursts. The agility is also shite. Why not autocannons?


The artillery acceleration is only there to kick the ship forward while the MWD spools up. Otherwise, yeah, it won't turn for shite.
Arrendis
TK Corp
#10 - 2015-08-08 22:48:31 UTC
Foley Aberas Jones wrote:
When this Thrasher reaches 11,893.09 M/s


...You are gonna see some serious ****....


Can you imagine what modern weapons technology could do to the fleets of the original Matari Reclamation? Cool
Mizhir
Devara Biotech
#11 - 2015-08-08 23:43:31 UTC
The Gutter Press once again provides statements from qualified persons.

❤️️💛💚💙💜
Andreus Ixiris
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#12 - 2015-08-09 07:06:22 UTC
I was going to comment on the utter absurdity of this conspiracy theory but it's already self-evident and there's no fun in that, so let us for a moment entertain the possibility that it might be true.

I would question why the Drifters - if they are future Minmatar - didn't just go back and stop the Day of Darkness from happening. I mean, I suppose it could be argued that if they did so they'd negate their own existence, since if the Day of Darkness and the ensuing millenia of Minmatar slavery didn't happen, they'd have no reason to go back in time to stop it. On the other hand, coming back at a later date could, via anticausality, actually ensure their existence, as if the Minmatar found themselves free of the Amarr Empire by benefice of the Drifters they'd be required to develop technology along paths that would inevitably create the Drifters to make sure they'd actually be able to go eventually go back in time and make it happen.

Andreus Ixiris > A Civire without a chin is barely a Civire at all.

Pieter Tuulinen > He'd be Civirely disadvantaged, Andreus.

Andreus Ixiris > ...

Andreus Ixiris > This is why we're at war.
Anyanka Funk
Doomheim
#13 - 2015-08-09 07:30:27 UTC  |  Edited by: Anyanka Funk
Muck Raker wrote:

"Whatever they are, I have faith that men like Anslo Tetua are hard enough to stand against them", said an Intaki exotic dancer.

Hard enough to stand against them indeed.
Arrendis
TK Corp
#14 - 2015-08-09 07:34:10 UTC
Andreus Ixiris wrote:
On the other hand, coming back at a later date could, via anticausality, actually ensure their existence, as if the Minmatar found themselves free of the Amarr Empire by benefice of the Drifters they'd be required to develop technology along paths that would inevitably create the Drifters to make sure they'd actually be able to go eventually go back in time and make it happen.


Nonsense. If the Drifters were future Matari, then that might be true. However! That merely proves they cannot be.

If the Republic is freed of the Empire's interference by the Drifters' intervention, then we'd be required to develop technology that would lead to the Drifters. We would be enslaved by causality itself! And we all know that the Republic rejects enslavement, and so if fate itself were to command us, to seek to compel us to create the Drifters, we'd bomb ourselves back to the Stone Age in defiance!

And those Drifter superweapons don't run on smashing rocks together to get a spark!

So, clearly, they cannot be us. If they were us, we'd have to make them. If we have to make them, we won't. Ergo, they're actually future Caldari.

I mean, come on. Overshielding technology? Those sharp angles? It's obvious it's an attempt by Future Caldari to frame Future Minmatar, in order to ensure we do bomb ourselves back into the Stone Age in order to defy the enslaving tyranny of causality!

Honestly, how did you not see that?
Muck Raker
Gutter Press
#15 - 2015-08-09 12:52:03 UTC
Mizhir wrote:
The Gutter Press once again provides statements from qualified persons.


Many of the Federation's greatest philosophers, scientists, engineers and artists, were also trained in exotic dance.



Rumours, Wars, Rumours of Wars, Wars of Rumours!
Andreus Ixiris
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#16 - 2015-08-09 12:55:58 UTC
I wish Anslo Tetua was hard enough to stand against me - wait, what?

Andreus Ixiris > A Civire without a chin is barely a Civire at all.

Pieter Tuulinen > He'd be Civirely disadvantaged, Andreus.

Andreus Ixiris > ...

Andreus Ixiris > This is why we're at war.
Haruchai Khan
Doomheim
#17 - 2015-08-09 13:28:24 UTC
Muck Raker wrote:


Many of the Federation's greatest philosophers, scientists, engineers and artists, were also trained in exotic dance.



My colleagues in the Vice Squad can confirm that a fair number of them certainly study it a great deal.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
Frenjo Borkstar
Doomheim
#18 - 2015-08-09 17:37:58 UTC
I love how some complete random people have been asked, rather than the actual experts who could offer some sensible opinions...

Viriel,

Borkstar Laboratories,

The Borkstar Initiative.
Valerie Valate
Church of The Crimson Saviour
#19 - 2015-08-09 17:56:56 UTC
Frenjo Borkstar wrote:
I love how some complete random people have been asked, rather than the actual experts who could offer some sensible opinions...


It sure doesn't look like they were randomly selected.

Anyway, Frenjo, if you want interviewed, then it looks like you better learn how to dance.

Shake that moneymaker, Frenjo !

Doctor V. Valate, Professor of Archaeology at Kaztropolis Imperial University.
Soren Tyrhanos
PIE Inc.
Khimi Harar
#20 - 2015-08-09 23:20:45 UTC
I knew it......
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