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I lied!
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Anyanka Funk
Doomheim
#1 - 2015-07-30 22:54:38 UTC  |  Edited by: Anyanka Funk
I'm going to sacrifice ten thousand Minmatar slaves to red god!

Repent now!

Heed the words of Master Nauplius!

Keep the chosen blood holy and consume the flesh to sanctify the spirit!
Goldfinch
Garoun Investment Bank
Gallente Federation
#2 - 2015-07-31 05:42:02 UTC

The scorpion, she had no ability to swim, so she asked the turtle to put her on his back and help her across the river.

"But you would sting me," worried the turtle. "You would sting me, and we would both drown!"

"But that wouldn't make any sense, turtle," said the scorpion, "if I stung you then we'd both drown. And that wouldn't be very good for me". This logic sounded good to the turtle, so he put the scorpion on his back and started to swim across.

As he made his way to the other bank, the turtle felt a sharp sting. The scorpion, she had sunk her venom into him.

"Why did you sting me?" the turtle asked as they both fell into the dark blue depths, together. Both would surely die.

"Because it's in my nature," she said, "I'm a scorpion. It's what I do."

\J/

veiled and bound

my origin story (on eve-backstage)
Kahar Dex
Imperial Dreams
The Curatores Veritatis Auxiliary
#3 - 2015-07-31 06:23:49 UTC
A broken and contrite heart requires more than a public apology. Visit my office if you wish to confess your sins, and begin your journey towards righteousness.

His Eminence Cardinal Kahar Dex of the CVA and Imperial Dreams. Follow The Cardinal: @kahardex
Trii Seo
Goonswarm Federation
#4 - 2015-07-31 06:27:59 UTC
Dragging people into obedience and brainwashing them on every opportunity, Dex?

Also, wow... this whole "office" line certainly does not sound in any way shape or form like something from a low-quality porn flick...

Proud pilot of the Imperium

Arek'Jaalan: Heliograph
Ria NieyIi
#5 - 2015-07-31 06:51:00 UTC
Should you not convene with each person in private for this purpose?
Pieter Tuulinen
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#6 - 2015-07-31 07:51:35 UTC
Trii Seo wrote:
Dragging people into obedience and brainwashing them on every opportunity, Dex?

Also, wow... this whole "office" line certainly does not sound in any way shape or form like something from a low-quality porn flick...

I chuckled at your joke and then I remembered that "Executive Outcomes" sounds like a Jin-Mei massage with a happy ending.

For the first time since I started the conversation, he looks me dead in the eye. In his gaze are steel jackhammers, quiet vengeance, a hundred thousand orbital bombs frozen in still life.
Trii Seo
Goonswarm Federation
#7 - 2015-07-31 09:55:04 UTC  |  Edited by: Trii Seo
It does, however, sound like at least a moderately expensive flick.

Proud pilot of the Imperium

Arek'Jaalan: Heliograph
Kahar Dex
Imperial Dreams
The Curatores Veritatis Auxiliary
#8 - 2015-07-31 11:12:12 UTC  |  Edited by: Kahar Dex
Trii Seo wrote:
Dragging people into obedience and brainwashing them on every opportunity, Dex?

Also, wow... this whole "office" line certainly does not sound in any way shape or form like something from a low-quality porn flick...

She comes, she doesn't. Her choice. As a follower of the proclaimed "Pope of New Eden"/"Harbinger of Faith", you do him a disservice by needlessly making a mockery of a sincere invitation.

His Eminence Cardinal Kahar Dex of the CVA and Imperial Dreams. Follow The Cardinal: @kahardex
Jili Tonari
Doomheim
#9 - 2015-07-31 12:04:59 UTC
Kahar Dex wrote:
A broken and contrite heart requires more than a public apology. Visit my office if you wish to confess your sins, and begin your journey towards righteousness.



Why she need to go to you? She got her people that could guide and help her.

But yo Funk. You got a reputation. "Survival of the flittest" ain't no philosophy for long life.

You want to come in out of the cold, that's all good. Families can be a great source of help and guidance. Or the biggest cause of continued trauma.

The Tribes await. The choice is yours.

“Where must we go, we who wander this wasteland, in search of our better selves.”
Valerie Valate
Church of The Crimson Saviour
#10 - 2015-07-31 13:12:00 UTC
Ria NieyIi wrote:
Should you not convene with each person in private for this purpose?


I heard a number of the Offended persons, have set their systems to automatically reject communications from Ms. Funk.

Which would make private apologies impossible.

Doctor V. Valate, Professor of Archaeology at Kaztropolis Imperial University.
Kalaratiri
Full Broadside
Deepwater Hooligans
#11 - 2015-07-31 13:22:14 UTC
Jili Tonari wrote:

The Tribes await.


No they ******* don't. Not for this one. Not ever.

She's mad but she's magic, there's no lie in her fire.

This is possibly one of the worst threads in the history of these forums.  - CCP Falcon

I don't remember when last time you said something that wasn't either dumb or absurd. - Diana Kim
Mizhara Del'thul
Kyn'aldrnari
#12 - 2015-07-31 13:47:19 UTC
Kalaratiri wrote:
Jili Tonari wrote:

The Tribes await.


No they ******* don't. Not for this one. Not ever.


There's been two capsuleers in New Eden that has been predetermined not to be given sufficient benefit of the doubt to be allowed upon Accorded Neutral Ground, as they simply are too unlikely to adhere to the Accords. One of them is this one.
Lunarisse Aspenstar
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#13 - 2015-07-31 14:09:29 UTC
Mizhara Del'thul wrote:
Kalaratiri wrote:
Jili Tonari wrote:

The Tribes await.


No they ******* don't. Not for this one. Not ever.


There's been two capsuleers in New Eden that has been predetermined not to be given sufficient benefit of the doubt to be allowed upon Accorded Neutral Ground, as they simply are too unlikely to adhere to the Accords. One of them is this one.


Out of curiosity, who is the second?
Che Biko
Alexylva Paradox
#14 - 2015-07-31 14:25:42 UTC
Funk,

Anything you think might hurt me likely makes me stronger. For that, I thank you, and thus, I require no apologies, also because of the scorpion tale.

<3

-Ché

Coordination Channel for Consolidated Space Rescue Cooperation

Open Letter to the Aidonis Foundation Directorate
Jili Tonari
Doomheim
#15 - 2015-07-31 14:51:48 UTC
Kalaratiri wrote:
Jili Tonari wrote:

The Tribes await.


No they ******* don't. Not for this one. Not ever.



Consider who you fly for, and what you do for a living, how is it you get to have an opinion on Matari matters?

Now ask again if anyone is past saving.

Maybe she be too far gone. But maybe to some Matari, you are too.

“Where must we go, we who wander this wasteland, in search of our better selves.”
Scherezad
Revenent Defence Corperation
Ishuk-Raata Enforcement Directive
#16 - 2015-07-31 15:35:37 UTC
The apology might be considered more sincere if it was accompanied by the goods that were stolen from their rightful owners.
Ria NieyIi
#17 - 2015-07-31 15:41:22 UTC
Valerie Valate wrote:
Ria NieyIi wrote:
Should you not convene with each person in private for this purpose?


I heard a number of the Offended persons, have set their systems to automatically reject communications from Ms. Funk.

Which would make private apologies impossible.


That is a certain kind of interesting.
Trii Seo
Goonswarm Federation
#18 - 2015-07-31 15:43:32 UTC
Kahar Dex wrote:
Trii Seo wrote:
Dragging people into obedience and brainwashing them on every opportunity, Dex?

Also, wow... this whole "office" line certainly does not sound in any way shape or form like something from a low-quality porn flick...

She comes, she doesn't. Her choice. As a follower of the proclaimed "Pope of New Eden"/"Harbinger of Faith", you do him a disservice by needlessly making a mockery of a sincere invitation.


My mockery applies to everyone who lines themselves up, usually no matter their allegiance. Also, I have to fill a monthly quota or my seat at the Derider's Box will get revoked.

Proud pilot of the Imperium

Arek'Jaalan: Heliograph
Kalaratiri
Full Broadside
Deepwater Hooligans
#19 - 2015-07-31 17:12:25 UTC
Jili Tonari wrote:
Kalaratiri wrote:
Jili Tonari wrote:

The Tribes await.


No they ******* don't. Not for this one. Not ever.



Consider who you fly for, and what you do for a living, how is it you get to have an opinion on Matari matters?

Now ask again if anyone is past saving.

Maybe she be too far gone. But maybe to some Matari, you are too.



I don't eat children.

She's mad but she's magic, there's no lie in her fire.

This is possibly one of the worst threads in the history of these forums.  - CCP Falcon

I don't remember when last time you said something that wasn't either dumb or absurd. - Diana Kim
Aldrith Shutaq
Atash e Sarum Vanguard
#20 - 2015-07-31 17:37:54 UTC
Kahar Dex wrote:
A broken and contrite heart requires more than a public apology. Visit my office if you wish to confess your sins, and begin your journey towards righteousness.


I highly recommend you do not bother with this one.

Aldrith Ter'neth Shutaq Newelle

Fleet Captain of the Praetoria Imperialis Excubitoris

Divine Commodore of the 24th Imperial Crusade

Lord Consort of Lady Mitara Newelle, Champion of House Sarum and Holder of Damnidios Para'nashu
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