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Crime & Punishment

 
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An Open Letter to One "Destination SkillQueue"

Author
Nathan Jameson
Grumpy Bastards
#1 - 2011-12-31 18:31:22 UTC
Dear Faithful Admirer,

I am humbled by your tireless admiration and trailing of my persona. Not every forum reader has the spirit and the stomach to "Like" every single one of my questionable posts on these here forums, some that even I had forgotten I'd crafted in my oft-inebriated states. Indeed, I've found myself "Liked" by you as often as 11 times in a single day--incidentally, the same number of times my virile body can fantasize to the pleasing form of Lianda Burreau's last-known-photograph. (We shall be together someday, my love; just you wait and see.)

It only pains me to know that we have never met--nay, nor shared a single word of communications. I can only wonder if perhaps you are no more than fevered splinter of my own brain, signing on late at night while my conscious mind is asleep and boosting my self-confidence in secret. Yet, when I awake, everything is as it should be, and the neighbors have not complained of any unusual noises. More so than normal, of course. Even my dog views me with no more suspicion and distrust than average and wets my slipper with the customary amount.

I found it all too easy to fall into a daily routine, an easy assumption that your love and affection would always be there for me. But already, you see, doubts begin to slowly take root. The seconds drag by slowly for those three hours I am offline each night; who else might have you been "Liking" while my back has been turned? What other forums have you been secretly browsing, while I blissfully bask in the conviction your thumbs-up are only for me? General Discussion? Out of Pod? *shudder* COAD???

An envious fury suddenly fills my bones, and I find myself whispering maddened promises to the darkness. That should I ever discover your unfaithfulness, my fury would know no bounds. That I would finally be forced to undock, having fitted not one but TWO Civilian railguns to my trusty Ibis, and lay waste to the first unpiloted Shuttle I came across. (Pray do not hate me, noble shuttle, for it was love that decreed your destruction.)

Yet even now I pray, secret admirer, that I have only been foolish and temperamental; and that your love and devotion for me has been as faithful as the first day I learned of your marvelous existence.

Write speedily and allay the fears of this jealous and foolish man.

Yours ever,
Nathan

P.S. If this is about that autographed Justin Bieber album I waited eight hours in line to get, you're not getting your grubby little mitts on it.

http://www.wormholes.info

Loraine Gess
Confedeferate Union of Tax Legalists
#2 - 2011-12-31 18:40:23 UTC
The first three paragraphs are about exactly what I was going to write...


...And the last three.
Taedrin
Federal Navy Academy
Gallente Federation
#3 - 2011-12-31 18:47:45 UTC
Unbelievable.

Here I thought that Destination SkillQueue truly admired me, and me alone. And lo, I discover that he's been playing us both for fools. It takes time and dedication to like 36 of my posts from almost 3 months ago - ordered chronologically in but an hour. I am upset, nay - outraged over his infidelity. I thought that he cared for me for my intellectual responses and witty retorts. But it seems that he will wag his tail for any poster who trolls these forums.

We must have our revenge, I say.
Akrasjel Lanate
Immemorial Coalescence Administration
Immemorial Coalescence
#4 - 2011-12-31 19:01:40 UTC
Posting in another thread about this DSQ.
May this post spam end some day

CEO of Lanate Industries

Citizen of Solitude

FlinchingNinja Kishunuba
Crunchy Crunchy
#5 - 2011-12-31 19:15:50 UTC
I feel so used and dirty...
Keat0n
Garoun Investment Bank
Gallente Federation
#6 - 2011-12-31 19:17:33 UTC
Nearly posted this exact thread in general discussion.
Xayder
modro
Northern Coalition.
#7 - 2011-12-31 19:52:46 UTC
tl:dr ?

I don't always post, But when i post I do it with my main

Krixtal Icefluxor
INLAND EMPIRE Galactic
#8 - 2011-12-31 20:54:05 UTC
They are probably looking into code change to allow 'Like' every 30 seconds only or something.

It is a new issue being examined..................

"He has mounted his hind-legs, and blown crass vapidities through the bowel of his neck."  - Ambrose Bierce on Oscar Wilde's Lecture in San Francisco 1882

Zag'mar Jurkar
Republic Military School
Minmatar Republic
#9 - 2011-12-31 21:34:10 UTC
Posting in a Destination SkillQueue thread.
Taedrin
Federal Navy Academy
Gallente Federation
#10 - 2011-12-31 21:36:08 UTC
Oh god, he must liked us all again.
Xenuria
#11 - 2011-12-31 23:01:56 UTC
I thought it was just me... SadCry

Istvaan Shogaatsu
Guiding Hand Social Club
#12 - 2011-12-31 23:21:59 UTC
Yeah I thought that was a bit weird too.
Marie Hartinez
Aries Munitions and Defense
#13 - 2011-12-31 23:51:29 UTC
Likes are likes. So what if some weirdo I've never met wants to like me. Who am I to sneer at free likes?

Man, do I feel like such a dirty little forum whore.

Surrender is still your slightly less painful option.

Singeabooty Raj
Doomheim
#14 - 2012-01-01 00:52:52 UTC
And here I was thinking the sharp spike in likes was due to my recent escalation of good posting Big smile

Black Man with Goggles

Axel Greye
Unlikely Suspects
#15 - 2012-01-01 01:04:58 UTC
How to troll everyone before 2012.

Accomplished.
Soon Shin
Scarlet Weather Rhapsody
#16 - 2012-01-01 02:34:12 UTC
Who is this DSQ, this mysterious person who has been liking my posts, which I admit aren't very good to be worthy of one. Question
Aggressive Nutmeg
#17 - 2012-01-01 05:07:54 UTC
Our first 'Like' bot?

Never make eye contact with someone while eating a banana.

RubyPorto
RubysRhymes
#18 - 2012-01-01 07:23:48 UTC
It's a little bit of code you stick in your browser bar that likes every post on any page you visit. So.... yeah.... Roll

"It's easy to speak for the silent majority. They rarely object to what you put into their mouths." -Abrazzar "the risk of having your day ruined by other people is the cornerstone with which EVE was built" -CCP Solomon

Aiwha
Infinite Point
Pandemic Horde
#19 - 2012-01-01 08:53:17 UTC
Dear destiny, thank you for your giving me even more internet points to whore.


All my love, Aiwha.

Sanity is fun leaving the body.

Captain Nathaniel Butler
The White Company
#20 - 2012-01-01 10:25:32 UTC
Xenuria wrote:
I thought it was just me... SadCry




This ^^^


Quite disappointed now...Cry

Lady Spank for C&P moderator.

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