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Crime & Punishment

 
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Titan Tickle! WiNGSPAN delivers to Goons, draws appropriate response

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Norrin Zelkarr
WiNGSPAN Delivery Services
WiNGSPAN Delivery Network
#1 - 2015-05-04 11:52:46 UTC  |  Edited by: Norrin Zelkarr
Last night we went hunting for ESS units. That's...not what we found. :)

Video of the excursion.

Unfortunately, we had to leave a missed delivery receipt.

Quote:
Dear Goonswarm Customers,

We at WINGSPAN Delivery Services regret to inform you that we were unable to fulfill your order tonight in NC-N3F.

Although our intentions were quite ambitious, we simply did not bring enough torpedoes or agents to finish the job. Earlier this evening we did manage to deliver to a very needy customer, Kiyone zero. However it appears that this was to be our only service fulfillment for the evening.

Your Leviathan class Titan and multiple Chimera class carriers simply had too much room in your cargo hold for us to fill them up with much needed ammunition. We will have to return at another time to finish your order.

You should also know, there were many other customers waiting just outside your system. One of our intrepid pilots captured this image: http://imgur.com/8f1Batz

We were also sadly unable to deliver these unfortunate customers at this time.

Rest assured, we will not rest until we have completed your request for torpedoes at some point very soon.

Regretfully yours,
Gillion Wyrddych
Personnel Director of WDS, Delivery Agent


Edit based on comments received below:

The short version of this is, WiNGSPAN took a fleet of bombers on a hunt for ESS units, and randomly found a Goon titan just chillin' at the sun in one of their central systems. We proceeded to shoot a couple of volleys at it for fun and warp away...and then the titan started following us through gates. When we made what we knew was a near-hopeless attempt on a ratting carrier, the Leviathan then warped in on us, leading to such troll-y killmails as titan-cruise-missiles vs. the lonely pod. Goons then mobilized a dozen-strong carrier response fleet to our humble little 10-man bomber fleet to block the only exit...while we happily exited the system via a lucky wormhole spawn. Good times.

As for who WiNGSPAN Delivery Services is, that's simple: "We provide the fastest in lowsec, nullsec, and wormhole torpedo shipments, guaranteed. Our brave delivery agents are known throughout the galaxy for timely, discrete fulfillment of volatile materials. And with unparalleled customer service, our representatives are certain to bring a smile to your face. When it comes down to it, we're not happy until you're content."
Scipio Artelius
Weaponised Vegemite
Flying Dangerous
#2 - 2015-05-04 11:54:40 UTC
Aralyn Cormallen
Deep Core Mining Inc.
Caldari State
#3 - 2015-05-04 12:03:20 UTC
Norrin Zelkarr wrote:
we had to leave a missed delivery receipt.


Its always the way with delivery companies; you wait in all day because they can't narrow a delivery time to less than an eight hour window, you don't risk doing anything that might slow down a run to the door in case they try a knock and run, but the lazy drivers see a slightly difficult delivery so just shove a card through the door, claiming you weren't in, when you quite clearly were.

Its Parcelforce all over again.
Solecist Project
#4 - 2015-05-04 12:06:12 UTC
I don't get it and I refuse to watch the video just to do so.

It shouldn't be necessary.

That ringing in your ears you're experiencing right now is the last gasping breathe of a dying inner ear as it got thoroughly PULVERISED by the point roaring over your head at supersonic speeds. - Tippia
ISD Ezwal
ISD Community Communications Liaisons
ISD Alliance
#5 - 2015-05-04 14:17:40 UTC
This thread has been moved to Crime & Punishment.

ISD Ezwal Community Communication Liaisons (CCLs)
Rain6637
GoonWaffe
Goonswarm Federation
#6 - 2015-05-04 14:21:16 UTC
I am not a smart person. Can you explain the scenario in plain English, including who Wingspan delivery service is.

Help, I can't download EVE

President of the Commissar Kate Fanclub

PLEX: A Giffen good? (It's 1B?)
Lloyd Roses
Artificial Memories
#7 - 2015-05-04 14:33:27 UTC
Rain6637 wrote:
including who Wingspan delivery service is.


Judging from the KB summary, they primarily fly untanked bombers against Mobile Tractor Units, Industrials and POS mods. They also like to mail people that they just killed their Epithal.
Norrin Zelkarr
WiNGSPAN Delivery Services
WiNGSPAN Delivery Network
#8 - 2015-05-04 16:29:27 UTC
Aralyn Cormallen wrote:
Norrin Zelkarr wrote:
we had to leave a missed delivery receipt.


Its always the way with delivery companies; you wait in all day because they can't narrow a delivery time to less than an eight hour window, you don't risk doing anything that might slow down a run to the door in case they try a knock and run, but the lazy drivers see a slightly difficult delivery so just shove a card through the door, claiming you weren't in, when you quite clearly were.

Its Parcelforce all over again.

Sir? Sir! We're going to need you to sit through a 45-minute customer survey call, that may or may not be monitored for training purposes, that can only be begun after a half-hour hold period. How can we contact you?
Leto Thule
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#9 - 2015-05-04 18:05:52 UTC
Lloyd Roses wrote:
Rain6637 wrote:
including who Wingspan delivery service is.


Judging from the KB summary, they primarily fly untanked bombers against Mobile Tractor Units, Industrials and POS mods. They also like to mail people that they just killed their Epithal.


Uh, wat?

You tank your bombers?

Thunderdome ringmaster, Community Leader and Lord Inquisitor to the Court of Crime and Punishment
Damnskippy
Tribal Liberation Force
Minmatar Republic
#10 - 2015-05-05 00:27:38 UTC
Leto Thule wrote:


Uh, wat?

You tank your bombers?



Whoa there! I fly everything tanked. Or is it that I only fly tanked. Whatever. My log in credentials only work if I'm holding a beer in one hand.
Noragen Neirfallas
Emotional Net Loss
#11 - 2015-05-05 02:43:48 UTC
Wingspan. Wingspan. Where have I heard of them from...

I remember now. Shameless plug. Pirate

CoolCool

Member and Judge of the Court of Crime and Punishment

Noragens basically the Chribba of C&P - Zimmy Zeta

Confirming that we all play in Noragen's eve. - BeBopAReBop

ISD Buldath favorite ISD

'"****station games" - Sun Tzu' - Ralph King Griffin
Saskia Laru
Saskia Laru Trading Corporation
#12 - 2015-05-08 22:24:17 UTC
Looks like they had a good time. Which is the point, if I'm not mistaken. Love the killmail on the pod! Big smile
Mike Adoulin
Happys Happy Hamster Hunting Club
#13 - 2015-05-09 11:23:09 UTC
Lloyd Roses wrote:
untanked bombers



Straight

Ugh

Roll

Everything in EVE is a trap.

And if it isn't, it's your job to make it a trap...:)

You want to know what immorality in EVE Online looks like? Look no further than Ripard "Jester" Teg.

Chribba is the Chuck Norris of EVE.
Ripblade Falconpunch
Deep Core Mining Inc.
Caldari State
#14 - 2015-05-12 23:55:12 UTC
Norrin Zelkarr wrote:
Last night we went hunting for ESS units. That's...not what we found. :)

Video of the excursion.

Unfortunately, we had to leave a missed delivery receipt.

Quote:
Dear Goonswarm Customers,

We at WINGSPAN Delivery Services regret to inform you that we were unable to fulfill your order tonight in NC-N3F.

Although our intentions were quite ambitious, we simply did not bring enough torpedoes or agents to finish the job. Earlier this evening we did manage to deliver to a very needy customer, Kiyone zero. However it appears that this was to be our only service fulfillment for the evening.

Your Leviathan class Titan and multiple Chimera class carriers simply had too much room in your cargo hold for us to fill them up with much needed ammunition. We will have to return at another time to finish your order.

You should also know, there were many other customers waiting just outside your system. One of our intrepid pilots captured this image: http://imgur.com/8f1Batz

We were also sadly unable to deliver these unfortunate customers at this time.

Rest assured, we will not rest until we have completed your request for torpedoes at some point very soon.

Regretfully yours,
Gillion Wyrddych
Personnel Director of WDS, Delivery Agent


Edit based on comments received below:

The short version of this is, WiNGSPAN took a fleet of bombers on a hunt for ESS units, and randomly found a Goon titan just chillin' at the sun in one of their central systems. We proceeded to shoot a couple of volleys at it for fun and warp away...and then the titan started following us through gates. When we made what we knew was a near-hopeless attempt on a ratting carrier, the Leviathan then warped in on us, leading to such troll-y killmails as titan-cruise-missiles vs. the lonely pod. Goons then mobilized a dozen-strong carrier response fleet to our humble little 10-man bomber fleet to block the only exit...while we happily exited the system via a lucky wormhole spawn. Good times.

As for who WiNGSPAN Delivery Services is, that's simple: "We provide the fastest in lowsec, nullsec, and wormhole torpedo shipments, guaranteed. Our brave delivery agents are known throughout the galaxy for timely, discrete fulfillment of volatile materials. And with unparalleled customer service, our representatives are certain to bring a smile to your face. When it comes down to it, we're not happy until you're content."


Tell us more about how the Titan "followed you through gates"....... Roll
Azn
Doomheim
#15 - 2015-05-13 00:17:20 UTC
Ripblade Falconpunch wrote:


Tell us more about how the Titan "followed you through gates"....... Roll


They can't jump gates now? When did this happen?

The only alt allowed to post in C&P
Zeus Maximo
Mentally Assured Destruction
#16 - 2015-05-13 00:39:36 UTC
Gates you say? Never.....

"It is not possible either to trick or escape the mind of Zeus."

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PoH Corporation Recruitment
Norrin Zelkarr
WiNGSPAN Delivery Services
WiNGSPAN Delivery Network
#17 - 2015-05-13 03:12:21 UTC  |  Edited by: Norrin Zelkarr
Ripblade Falconpunch wrote:
Tell us more about how the Titan "followed you through gates"....... Roll

I think you need to catch up, sir.