Intergalactic Summit

Foley walks on camera wearing a full combat suit and a headset

"Hi! Foley Jones here!"

"When Huogikku Corporation is manufacturing weapons to kill people or trying to communicate with a Race that is 20 times more advance than us...We are developing cutting edge devices for Household Warfare"

Today we are proud to show you - The Nova Knife Blender™

"Regular blenders don't ever get the job done, they usually have cheap blades, poor motors to spin those blades and are very poorly constructed and don't last that long.."

As he says this he Shows you a black and white video of a very frustrated Brutor man trying to blend a entire turkey..he gives up as the blender jams and shrugs at the camera

"The Nova Knife Blender™ Is not your Regular Blender however - This blender's blades are actual NOVA KNIFES used by Dusters around the universe to cut though those thick armor suits"

Shows a small montage of Dusters stabbing, cutting, slicing other dusters with ease

"Imagine that cutting power when faced with a **** load of fruits...like a pineapple"

Shows a video of someone dropping a pineapple into a Nova Knife Blender™ - it turns into mush in a total of 2.32 Seconds

"How about that ****?"

---

"The Nova Knife Blender™ is not just for smoothies!

Its good for..

-Smoothies
-Milkshakes
-Destroying Evidence
-Blending
-Making mush for babies or Old people
-Cooking
-Much Much more

"Did i say cooking? Thats right, the Nova Knife Blender™ is capable of cooking! Using the optional heated blades option, the Nova Knife Blender™ is capable of cooking almost anything you put into it, make meals within seconds!..its nuts!"

"Also The motor used in our blenders are top of the line - we used the same motor that can found in Heavy machine guns"

Shows a small video of a Heavy machine gun ( basically a minigun) being fired off

"Thats right, our blenders are made with Weapons...we are a arms manufacturer..what did you expect?

Heres a word from a satisfied customer.."

Shows a young Gallentean man with a deadpan expression "I love it"

"Now why would that man that we could had totally paid off to lie about our product lie to YOU? No of course not, so you better damn well believe this blender is next level - for only 300.00 ISK! You can own your very own Nova Knife Blender™

---

"Now i am being told we are running out of time..but before i go i am gonna tell you about this epic offer we have for you if you call right now!

If you call within the next 20 minutes you will get a free set of Anti-flith Grenades™ along with the blender

But wait! there's more!

IF you call in the next 10 minutes you can get a free Nova Knife Blender™ Poster!

BUT THERE'S EVEN MORE!

IF you call within the next 5 minutes! You can get a second blender FREE, thats right FREE, i don't know how im even making a ******* profit anymore!

You following me still here? Good because there's even more!

If you call within a Parec - YOU can have a chance to win the limited edition Platinum Nova Knife Blender™"

" Just call 4232334515-1235156567886-2334599024519"
l
Did you get that? its 4232334515-1235156567886-2334599024519 again thats 4232334515-1235156567886-2334599024519, Operators are standing by for your call"

As a CEO and FC, I rarely have time for a nutritious meal. Takes too long to prep, eat, and go! I have work to do! But thanks to the Nova Knife Blender, I'm able to make a delicious and nutritious smoothie meal supplement to keep my body going and my mind sharp. Thanks Huogikku Corporation!

I wouldn't expect a Duster company to know that a parsec (Par second, in the commercial) to be a measurement of distance rather than time.

You do know i meant that you need to be a parsec close to were that commercial was made right?

They say that in space no one can hear you blend. Thanks to Nova Knife Blender all of my friends now know every time I have a fruit juice.

Every...single...time.

And to think; all this time I've been cutting up my fruit with a crayon? Thanks Nova Knife Blender.

"MUH SECRETS....we can however send a tech demo of us blending a Vexor..."

Hypothetically, what setting is best for biomass? If one were to have three blenders and have much work to be done. Hypothetically.

The "Biomass" setting of course

Its right next to the junp setting


...which is right next to the bridge setting...

As a professional involved in the 'catering' industry; I can personally attest to the robustness of the Nova Knife Blender. Many a time I have been caught out without the proper equipment required to make a 'smoothie' or 'soup'. Those moments of fumbling to reduce my 'ingredients' to unidentifiable, innocuous, and void-as-evidence smoothies, have almost costed me my freedom; as Caldari and Federal police kick down my front door to discover the fantastic secrets of my 'home cooking'.

However those times are now over. Thanks to the Nova Knife Blender; I shall never again have to waste another moment attempting to destroy incriminating ingredients using conventional bladed blenders. I look forward to rewarding the Huogikku Corporation with my continued custom and support for when they unveil their next line of home and office appliances.

You do realise that we are going to start replicating Nova Knife Blenders within a month of purchase right?

Still, we saw the video and ran some analysis and determined that the article is genuine. Watching pieces of Vexors reduced into a sludge of construction material, all that shrieking and twisting and screeching and...

...Well, it's compelling.