Wormholes

Dear Cyber Mana

The Germans have a concept called the Gestalt, which is kind of like an amorphous trans-psychic collection of all of the human knowledge base and ideas which exists in what can best be considered a cultural intelligence, an aetherial thing which is the sum of all human experience and ken, but also trascendentally more than that. In some interpretations of the Gestalt, people say that one may access the knowledge of others directly from the Gestalt without having any form of intercourse with the knowledge holder. This is akin to the saying there's no such thing as an original idea, and hence i present this example of the Gestalt beating you to the punch.

You forget the part where he ejects he every ship in the SMA to make it look like a massive fleet on Dscan

so true >_<

What would be the beer of choice for TF at the Brass Monkey if he were to attend on the 7th March

Hey TF

As a teenager growing up in Perth, the venue of choice, Brass Monkey was well known for its delivery of copious amounts of Red Back Beer at $2.00 a pint.

While many individuals may say that the amount of alcohol consumed was irresponsible, screw them I say who gave a &^%$. When you are young and have many years ahead of you great times were had on a balmy Perth night.

Northbridge however being the place of unscrupulous people (well lets just face it, bogans) does have its charm yet also shady side. The theoretical proposal of ones involvement in an altercation could be determined by the equation
persons age multipled by nbr of alcoholic drinks divided by number of women multipled by number of friends.

Does the percentage of TF attending such an occassion increase if there are free/cheap drinks involed. Alternatively does the percentage decrease due the possibility of richard heads being in the same bar as TF has been to one of the functions before.

Anyway it may or may not be possible that I might attend. Depending if I chuck a sickie for that night (I have night shift)

Dear TF,

I enjoyed your smart bombing proteus video and was curious about your fit. I decided to see if by some chance you happen to lose one whilst harvesting explorer corpses for the all mighty Bob. I noticed you did have 1 solitary loss in that ship as far back as I could go on your killboard.

I was wondering, what did you do to anger Bob? Was he just sending you a reminder that Bob giveth and also taketh away? Or did you simply double click cloak by accident.

Random Alternate

Dear whoever you are,

The name of said Proteus lives on, immortal, a phrase forever used by the initiates of the Inner Circle of Smartbombing Gods, to describe the act of murdering relic frigates with 1.65B ISK Proteii.

The D1ck Virus was not killed - it was martyred. Allakhu Bobkar!

TF

Dear Blazed in Bogelek,

The practise of naming doctrines cool and exciting names began in 1066 A.D. with the Norman invasion of HA-5TNG , when head Norman FC Billy daConk of {FROGS} alliance deployed CavalryCats, composed of nano-horses with knights in the high slots and using microwarpdrive nanofiber hoofs to ram through the opposing Shieldwall doctrine of defending FC xXHazzaAelfredXx of {SAXN} alliance.

Contemporary accounts of the battle of HA-5TNG show xXHazzaAelfredXx's reaction to the loss of ships here.

In the post-Dominion EVE milieux the development of doctrines has advanced apace, as has the coolness and amazeballsness of their naming. A short glossary is provided, below, for your edification;

Hellcats
Ye olde style Abbaddon doctrine with Pulses, relying on zomg I haz resists and cruddy optimals, this did well versus olde timesy Drakeblobs.

Domiball AKA Spudcat AKA Potatofleet
Another fancy battleship doctrine defined by RR Domi's, this was prevalent before Logistics cruisers were commonplace, relatively cheap (remember when Domi's were 54M a pop? no? you pathetic zygote!) and people thought that RR BS was an effective doctrine.

Domiball got a revival before the infamus drone assign nerf, with the doctrine morphing into a Target Breaker / MJD equipped way of dying to Tengus due to your pathetic drone control range. Now mostly extinct.

Slowcats
Evidencing the first meta in naming a doctrine, slowcats were like other doctrines, but cause it was made up of mentally deficient carrier pilots, it was therefore named Slowcat. It is of course terrible to pick on Slowcat pilots for their lack of skills in flying something with less than 2M EHP, and the Social justice Warriors will frown on you while night-blogging, but it is effectively a Domiball times two, since you can launch 10 sentries.

Foxcats
it's like Foxes and Cats making love, right? That's what you think, and then you realise it's actually Apoc Navy Issues with super-pimp lows exploiting their unfeasibly large optimal bonus to shoot pulses to 90km, which puts them in competition with stuff half or a quarter as expensive, more maneuverable and, sadly, a bit less tanky. its the Baltec doctrine of the wealthy!

Baltecs
Named after the eponymous champion who would always bring a Megathron, the Baltec doctrine is dominated by Megathrons which bring reasonable tanks, OK speed, and decent damage projection. However, you really can't call flying Megas in numbers below 100 and more than 1 a Baltec doctrine, because of ::reasons::. If you do that, it's just known as being a try-hard.

Pantheon
This is like RR BS, but with people with a lot more money and more ballswag, because it uses Archons who refit from one another. Why it never gets picked apart by ramming the Archons 5km apart might confuse you till you realise that it only gets put to video by RnK, who always fight bad players.

Pipe bombing
What happens to you when you fly Harpies in nullsec regularly and are bad at warping to pings.

Swaglfar
Generally known as a 4B ISK dong-swinging exercise in Matari prowess, the Swaglfar is what real men YOLO into battle. Not so much a doctrine as an exercise in ridiculousness and manifest scrote-flensing DPS.

Slippery Petes
The scourge of nullsec and space poors the nullified rail Tengu is like the superannuated English teacher of EVE, always standing at range flinging hurt your way and there's nothing you can do about it because you just suck at grammar, don't you? In my day we did not confuse neither and either, we did not confuse respective and expected. We learned English properly and we spoke like real ladies ought to speak.

Foztars
The ishtar used to be crap. Then it got buffed and buffed and buffed until you could see your horrified face in it's shiny reflective bits of its hull, and you hated who made it into the beast that it is. Then they nerfed it like 3 times and it's still tardiculous, but not quite as tardiculous, except if you have 2 Geckos. Then it's just a bunch of asterixes.

Dickbats
A doctrine restricted to Wolf Rayet holes, the humble Dickbat is merely a 100MN Orthrus with RLML's, projection rigs and full Loki boosts. Tank not necessary, you have 1350 DPS to deal with anything inside 160km, because that's about 40km further than you will ever get off the wormhole. Cannot be used outside of your home hole, so you will never get any actual PVP, which is a small price to pay for being a dickbat.

And there you have it, Blazed in Bogelek, you can now undock anything you need from Spudball to dickbats.

Regards,
TF

Dear Trinkets Friend,

First of all i would like to thank you for the work you do in educating the readers of the wormhole section of these forums.

Previously you were asked a question regarding the maximum speed of an unladen swallow and pointed out that the question the reader was really looking for an answer to was the maximum sub warp speed of a Heron, sukuuvestaa or otherwise.

In The Flight of the Heron: Laden, Unladen, Bin Laden or otherwise Laden by Hokuspokus Chatroulette et al. The authors claim to have achieved speeds in excess of 18500m/s in C6 Black Hole. What is your assessment of this paper? Does it have merit?

Regards,
Sten Taxi

Dearest Incendir,

Logging on is a struggle you have to face every night. A true wormholer is like an adventurer in a pen and paper RPG, who wakes up in a tavern, maybe in the arms of a buxum trollop who constitutes the backwoods hamlet's sole prostitute and who is loosely described by the GM as "A 6". You wish this was a 6 out of 10, but you know it's a 6 of 18 on bell curve which means she's uglier than at least 65% of the population, but she only cost your last five copper pieces, and one good day's adventuring and a few lucky rolls on the random encounter table should provide enough loot to subsidise another roll in the hay with Toothless Truganina, and if you roll a 15+ you might be able to afford a hessian sack to put over her head and paint to look like the baker's daughter, who is at least CHA 16.

but it's hard being an adventurer in a fantasy kingdom with no adventure. You know the adventuring trade has fallen on hard times now. The wilderness has all been mapped out by the GM's hand. Where there used to be vague squiggles in pencil annotated with "here be Dragons" and "Stone Giants of the 420 Clan" or merely "Elves", now there's roadways, mapped in real time, everyone has each other's 189 HD monsters on watchlist. You yourself have a couple of level 2 rogues secreted in known dragon lairs with Cloaks of invisibility and a magic compass. You've considered going and camping under a tarpaulin to slay dragons, but the Dragons only wake up for 30 minutes at a time to make their hoards of unspent coins even bigger.

The wilderness of dark primeval forests full of dragons and gangs of kobolds wielding thousand DPS proteuses and 50 HAM Legions is gone, replaced by fields of blue poo and corn. Where art thou dragons now? Stored in the ghettoes of lowsec because the vast empty plains of the Nullsec steppes, where hordes of mongoloids once rode in giant fleets of Drakes and Welpcanes is now devoted to market gardeners and fortified 'we actually give a fsck' logistic bastions.

The crippled logistic donkeys stumble ever onwards, weighed down by Space Aids, fighting to bring the valuable moon gold to make T2 baubles for their overlords next RMT funded EVE Vegas pub crawl whilst, in deepest darkest highsec, spoilt children run and hide under the beds of NPC corps while secretly being thrilled at being emotionally, verbally abused by tyrannical Incursion FC's who secretly remind them of their domineering math's teacher and whose soul-crushing lack of socialisation brings back fond memories of sitting alone in Computer Club, sweaty of arse crack and armpit, worrying over a C++ conundrum and daydreaming that someone would notice you, if only to hate you.

Yea, for it was a golden age when dragons lived in C5's and real men structure tanked. Not today's corporatised ever-expanding no-fights gudfites, better have a youtube channel or you're not #Revelant Game of Lists wormhole space.

The poor kingdoms of today, cast down and made polite after the passing of the great Monk who Shall not Be named, they can't even smacktalk or callout thread properly.

What has happened to the world? Where are our heroes? Are they too now extinct, due to lack of dragons to hunt? Why have the Dragons been replaced by crofters and krabbers living hermitlike in disposable pop-up carnival tents, practising escalation onanism, paying their dues to the worm donut counsil, while their CSM is Mint Chip with a hairy sack and A-cups at best, handing out shopping advice on Reddit like it's Queer Eye For The Wormbro.

Where are the grudges of old? The vile spite and rivers of tears ripped from the ducts of honorable space cowboys who think Brokeback Mountain is a Western? How have we become risk averse? How come no one logs on anymore?

I have no answer, my friend, except to say that you have to Field of Dreams this. You have to build it, build content, build activity. The Dragons will come, the hordes of mongoloids will thunder free and unfettered across the plains once more, to be mown down by RnK on a gate, and the prostitute at the inn will still be CHA 6 and CON 16 when you get back with another 5 copper pieces.

Dream the dream,

TF