Wormholes

We need to talk about that new top of yours

You must show solidarity with those who funded our marriage...

Dear Trinket,

Can you please advise on how to make someone this fixated: https://forums.eveonline.com/default.aspx?g=posts&m=5322229#post5322229 ? In all my time of posting, I have never been able to elicit such a long that post that manages to say nothing.

Yours In Jest, Candi's In Love,
Jester

Dear janeway84, not of my d-scan anymore,

We here at Trinkets Friendly Research Laboratories have brought you such gems as the D*ck Virus, the Transhcan Doctrine, the wormhole-herding Devoter, the manphoon, popularised and expounded and infamised the passive Nereus (with other wild-ass concepts up our sleeves in this department, worry not!), Manphoons, Manwars, Hullcurers and the as yet undefeated Chalmydia Arazu. We take a lot of pride in grabbing fitting tools by the horns, dragging them into the stalls of research and doing what only ornery Welshmen and New Zealanders do with horned animals. We look forward to the shade which will come to wormholes from Combat Recons blotting out the sun.

Whilst it is early days yet, and CCP Rise flaps in the breeze like a vacillating windsock buffeted by the bilious colon winds of huffy spacenerd forum warriors (43 page threadnaught!), we believe that he and Fozzie, now unshackled from the ample and bespectacled influence of CCP Greyscale (who is much as a sea anchor weighing upon the idiocies of the proletariat with "facts" and " figures" and "metrics"), will go aloft with crazy and insane ideas like an Austrian man in a fizzy drinks manufacturer's suit, dragged aloft by a giant polythane balloon full of crazy ideas and buttmad concepts, and just at the edge of space, leap off.

This is arguably the better option than to be a test pilot on a prototype commercial space flight testbed airframe, because meta-0 spacecraft are pretty much a poor choice.

Like anything else, our preliminary research indicates that the ecology of wormholes will suffer from the introduction of a new species of predator, namely being d-scan immune Combat Recon deathfish introduced into the shallow and oxygen-starved overgrown weed pool of low-end wormholes which are generally populated by goggle-eyes goldfish types, gasping for ISK and floundering away vaccuming up algae and relic sites, the odd one or two picked off by the odd fishing egret or wading stork. The introduction of these predatory craft will upset the balance of the ecosystem initially, but son a counter will evolve, most likely being the very predatory fish themselves.

For example, hypothetically, the ultimate GTFO undetectable stealth C1-2 +/- c3 fleet would be a gang of RRing Rooks which would not show up on d-scan and if leapt upon by the inevitable Lachesis yolo tackle which everyone will use, forever, and always, they will just jam him out and sod off back to POS before employing the international semaphore sign of the cowardly POS-spinner carebear which is to store your ships and and sit in POS in a pod.

The stones have spoken, kahleesi, and this is your fate!

Regards,
Trinkets stormborn

Dear Accounting in Amoderia,

Sudden Buggery is an unlisted private company, and as such does not need nor want to publish sensitive financial information. However, in this case I will share our quarterly report with you, because I am that super-nice.

Sudden Buggery Quarterly Report

CEO's Comments
Sudden Buggery is a registered charity of Bob the Wormhole God. The corporation has grown from a handful of alts into a 70-strong force of deranged smartbombing pod-goo addicts, softcore PVPers and planet-humping nerds. it is only via the dedication of all members to the glory of Bob that we can spread his holy gospel to the unwashed heathens and credulous newbros.

Business Metrics
Income (measured in kills) is slightly down, quarter on quarter, from 624 to 522 killmails. Expenses (measured by lossmails) for the quarter were higher than the preceding quarter, with a total of 94 recorded.

The profit margin (as measured by ISK efficiency) of the current quarter is 90% versus the preceding quarter's efficiency of 95.5%. This can be attributed to one particular Occupational Health and Safety incident in November 2014 resulting in the loss of our sole corp strnded cap asset in a glorious content creation episode.

Sudden Buggery remains a highly profitable business, harvesting many tears and corpses for the Altar of Bob at the prayer spot of 4 solar systems within j-space. Management exhorts membership to collect more tears, more corpses and more phat loots for the glory of Bob, and sweat expenses less; we are a registered charity after all!

Health and Safety
Management congratulates members on their safe conduct. Safety is after all of prime importance to membership and a KPI of management, who won't recieve a ridiculous bonus at the end of the year if too many members die in a fire too often. With 94 recorded incident reports for the quarter, this is trending in the right direction. Several awards were handed out tis quarter for exceptional safety breaches;

Braxton Tscharke got the Flight Commander Wiggles Merit Badge for loss of ship and pod to his five year old son " playing spaceships".

Darth bex got the 357th Typing Pool Star of Derp for posting the POS password into local during a siege.

Miskoranda got the Joe Fritzl Bunny-Boiler Memory Shard for an extended solo siege camping trip resulting in POS kill and geddon self-destruction. May you forever remember your depot next time, dumbass.

Strategic Plan
The corporate Plan for the next quarter is to consolidate corporate operations around goodfights, awesome ganks, better promo videos extolling the kickasssery and skullduggery of the crp, and prosthelitysing the BUGRY and TBGRL ethos via derring-do and murder via smartbomb.

management is lotting vast nefarious plans revolving around losing more and more capitals in ever larger and more lame fashion for the glory and edification of the corporation, and just because.

Regards,
Doctor prince Field marshal General Trinkets Friend
CEO, Sudden Buggery

Hey Trinkets Friend!

Is Purifier the best amarr T2 ship for a rookie to try pvp in wh space with?
What would be the purifiers best and worst targets of oportunity?

Dear Trinket,

I have set up a welcome bubble for visitors to my POS, but ruffians and scoundrels keep absconding with more than their fair share of the unanchored mods I've put there as party favors. I, being poor, cannot afford to continuously restock the gift basket, so how can I make sure there's enough for all of the neighborhood children?


Love,
Garnt T.Brobarian

Dear Trinket,

Why do never answer my questions?

Wondering why I continue to support such a worthless advice columnist,
Random Alt #148842069

Dear Jester of Altington, Altville, Altworld 5ALT-34G

I will let Forums Aura respond to your button-mashing;

I cannot answer your question within 2000 characters of another question.
You cannot place a question inside another question.
My answer has stepped outside to find a bush. Wait 5 seconds before asking again.
My answer fails to satisfy anything.
Answer request accepted.


Regards,
Trinkets Friend

Dearest Trinket,

The reasoning behind the use of pos mods was to avoid raising red "decloak trap here" flags, but --as has been amply proven-- they are not the way to go. For the record, I was very much in favor of cans labeled "ammo", "spare mods", "paste", etc.

As to the Idiotitis: yes, to a man. We can only hope that it manifests as the rare Idiotitis beneplacitus.

Also, we really thought you were gonna bring Confessors.

XOXO,
G.t.B.

TF, have you ever considered running for CSM? You inspire me to venture forth and give me the tools to do so. I am sure many others feel the same. You would bring a new age in New Eden.