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The Tale of the Dark King (Actual support ticket i sent in)

Author
MisterCrowley Crowley
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#1 - 2014-10-31 00:42:18 UTC  |  Edited by: MisterCrowley Crowley
" I am trying to apply for the free 10 days I was offered in my inbox, however once i logged in, it wanted my character name, which was and as stated in my email is "MisterCrowley Crowley" - no quotation marks, i know, I'm stupid, didn't realize how character creation worked, and made a laughable character name, haha.

Anyway, I was hoping we could get some kind of fix for this, if not I won't die physically, just emotionally, my heart will become even more black as my hopes and dreams are shattered one by one, until I am just a shadow of my former self, slowly slipping into madness, at which point i decide to rob a bank to remedy my financial woes.

Then i use my stolen money to buy a disposable credit card to use on a subscription to EVE online, and spread my poisonous black heart to every inch of the galaxy, forming a ragtag team of thieves and derelicts who day by day become slightly more powerful, growing and spreading our treachery to all we encounter.



We hatch a plan, we go into supposed secure zones and destroy all we encounter, gladly throwing our lives away so that other ships may advance and kill all those that rejected us and fueled our madness.



My men who die will be rewarded greatly for their services rendered, until i become king of all galaxies!

Everything will run smoothly, with servants feeding me ISK for being a wise and noble king.



Unfortunately all kings must die...



Unbeknownst to me, some people who never wanted to fight, only wanted to mine ore, and live in a non controlled market escaped my wrath, and have been planning their revenge....

They have grown quite powerful whilst hiding from my army, first they infiltrate my mining fleets...then they enter my army, pretending to be loyal to me, THEIR KING!


Some other ungrateful rebels hear of this and start to fight at the outermost parts of deep space.


Meanwhile the infiltrators worm their way up the line of command when suddenly my right hand man disappears, I have grown concerned, and called him and emailed him many times, but he is gone. GONE.

Fearing for my life without a second in command, i appoint a relatively new soldier who has proven himself to be very useful in combat situations, he has killed more of the resistance in less time than all others.

This was my biggest mistake, for he, my greatest soldier, was actually an assassin.

Within weeks news of my death have spread over the entirety of EVE onlines player base. Many tears are shed...What will EVE online be like without the glorious king MisterCrowley Crowley....

Before long all that i had built for years has been destroyed, and followers of mine have been exiled or have accepted the rebels as their new leader.

But in the darkest recess of space...a man emerges from a space station long abandoned in 0.0 sec space.....

It is I, MisterCrowley Crowley....and I'm pissed...


Anyway, so like a 10-day free pass, or like a year free pass or forever free pass, you know, whatever is easier to do... "



I got a little carried away but thought it was worth sharing with GD. Enjoy!

Edit: more storyline in the comments!
Paranoid Loyd
#2 - 2014-10-31 00:46:04 UTC  |  Edited by: Paranoid Loyd
Wat™

"There is only one authority in this game, and that my friend is violence. The supreme authority upon which all other authority is derived." ISD Max Trix

Fix the Prospect!

Abrazzar
Vardaugas Family
#3 - 2014-10-31 00:47:27 UTC
No wonder the queues are clogged up.
Harrison Tato
Yamato Holdings
#4 - 2014-10-31 01:18:41 UTC
I thought it said Dork King.
R0mparkin
Th3 Illuminati
#5 - 2014-10-31 01:24:35 UTC
what exactly is going on here?
Sakaron Hefdover
Perkone
Caldari State
#6 - 2014-10-31 01:40:23 UTC
I'm trying to decide if this is worse or better than Toady's blogs
MisterCrowley Crowley
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#7 - 2014-10-31 01:47:32 UTC
R0mparkin wrote:
what exactly is going on here?


The rise, fall and rebirth of your hypothetical king.
R0mparkin
Th3 Illuminati
#8 - 2014-10-31 01:49:18 UTC
negative
Cancel Align NOW
Royal Amarr Institute
Amarr Empire
#9 - 2014-10-31 01:52:32 UTC
MisterCrowley Crowley wrote:
R0mparkin wrote:
what exactly is going on here?


The rise, fall and rebirth of your hypothetical king.


Lift your eyes and look into the camera boy. To be the king of others one must be the king of one's own fears.
MisterCrowley Crowley
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#10 - 2014-10-31 02:17:25 UTC
"...I only had one option, I used my knowledge, obtained while king, of the game developers destroying select ships carrying PLEX to garner more money from consumers, to demand a temporary name change...

The dev's had no choice but to oblige.

Now under my new character name "Innocent Peasant", I emerged from 0.0 sec and into .9 sec. Feeling relatively safe I made my way through what used to be under my rule. There seemed to be a mass amount of ships next to the space station that was named in my honor....

Could it be? Did MisterCrowley Crowley still have loyal servants!?! I rejoiced at the possibility.

I made my way over, trying to seem Innocent, and trying not to draw attention to myself.

As i approached Space Station Crowley I finally understood what I was seeing. They were destroying my space station...All while bards were reciting poems of my destruction and detailing what they would do to me should I ever show my face again."

I can't even finish this post, I'm sad now....They ruined my space station and rhyming mean things about me. Maybe later I'll tell more of the story. : (
Doc Fury
Furious Enterprises
#11 - 2014-10-31 02:27:48 UTC
Paranoid Loyd wrote:
Wat™



Wat™ indeed..

There's a million angry citizens looking down their tubes..at me.

Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
#12 - 2014-10-31 02:39:22 UTC
What.. the everliving ****.... did I just read...






Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings?

Serene Repose
#13 - 2014-10-31 02:40:45 UTC
OP - No, there are no fourteen-year-olds here for you to impress.

We must accommodate the idiocracy.

MisterCrowley Crowley
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#14 - 2014-10-31 02:59:20 UTC
Doc Fury wrote:
Paranoid Loyd wrote:
Wat™



Wat™ indeed..



Seems my character name change has fooled even the most proficient sleuth, known as Doc Fury...

Back to the story, my ability to remain invisible to the likes of Paranoid Loyd and Doc Fury has giving me much joy.

"So as I retreated from the hate festival thrown in celebration of my 'death'. I pondered my next course of action. Clearly I was disliked by many many of my servants. Was it because of the foot rubs I demanded every Thursday? No, that can't be it, I would be honored if I asked me to rub my feet, I am royalty after all.....I was royalty...now I am nothing....now...I am...nothing.

I made my way to the asteroid belt, I needed to collect some ore. I had to start at the bottom. I had no ISK and all but my current ship had been destroyed in the rebellion. I was stuck mining with a Venture. Before i knew it, my cargo bay was full of Veldspar.

It was a low value ore, but it was all I could find, everything else seemed to be mined out. I brought it to the closest station, and after a few trips I had enough ISK to buy an Upgraded mining turret. Now i could mine faster increasing my income per hour.

I mined continuously becoming more and more filled with hope that one day, I would rise again. I collected ore with a passion. I mined out an entire asteroid belt by myself!

Alas, ISK can only get me so far, I would need to integrate myself with people who could help me in the future. I knew it would be hard making friends with miners, they are very jumpy and will take off at any sign of danger, much like my second in command when i was king....."



--- Now i am wondering what happened to him, i should try and call him again, he doesn't know my new identity and probably thinks i have forgiven him since my 'death'. Will post more of my story after I see how he is doing.
Serene Repose
#15 - 2014-10-31 03:17:20 UTC
Wait! I HAVE IT!! You're trying to redefine BORING!

Good job! Big smile

We must accommodate the idiocracy.

Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
#16 - 2014-10-31 03:52:05 UTC
The only other person able to post this much brain bending tripe was Alex Grison...






Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings?

Val'Dore
PlanetCorp InterStellar
#17 - 2014-10-31 04:03:20 UTC  |  Edited by: Val'Dore
Briefcase tacos.

Star Jump Drive A new way to traverse the galaxy.

I invented Tiericide

MisterCrowley Crowley
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#18 - 2014-10-31 04:11:46 UTC  |  Edited by: MisterCrowley Crowley
Serene Repose wrote:
Wait! I HAVE IT!! You're trying to redefine BORING!

Good job! Big smile


You will pay for your blasphemy against the sacred MisterCrowley Crowley.

Back to the story

"I was mining as little as possible, waiting for another miner to set up shop. I didn't have to wait long until a miner by the name of Serene Repose pulled up in a b-e-a-utiful Mackinaw.

I decided to introduce myself, "HI! I'm mist..uh...Innocent Peasant, please don't kill me, I am fairly new to the game and am still just trying to figure out the controls!" I pretended to be pathetic and new to gain the trust of the fellow miner.

Serene Repose typed back "Hey no problem, Do you have any questions about mining? I am quite knowledgeable on the subject."

Exactly as I planned, we were building rapport, "Do you know what mining ship I should aim for? I see there are different kinds of ships, but I'm not sure which one to get. " I almost vomit as I ask this and seem piteous. I knew what ship I wanted, I wanted a Mackinaw. And not just any Mackinaw, I wanted Serene Repose's Mackinaw.

Feeling like big man on campus Serene proceeds to tell me about the benefits of each.

Now i have a plan. Based off the endless list of information Serene told me about ships and the amount of time it took for Serene to type the response, SERENE IS A FINGER TYPER! which means that if I ask about the different types of ore I might have just enough time to put my plan into action!

Slyly "Oh thanks, that was such a huge help! Could you answer one more question? Then I swear I'll stop pestering you. Do you happen to know what types of ore i can find in each security zone?"

Serene Repose suspects nothing "sure thing Innocent peasant!"

I now eject from my Venture, watching intently for any sign that I've been caught, i slowly move my capsule towards the Mackinaws cargo bay. So far so good.....

Suddenly a Mining laser is coming straight for me! I Push on my control stick as hard as i can, i can see the laser just miss my capsule by mere centimeters....

I panic, but quickly realize the laser is still on and it is on a Scordite asteroid. I am briefly confused before i realize the mining laser must have automatically switched targets after it completely mined out the previous asteroid.

The mission is still undetected. I land in the Mackinaws cargo bay, i put on my space suit and jump out and run to the door that leads to the ships engine room. So far so good, Nothing has been entered in chat, Serene must be going super in depth on that reply!

I make it into the engine room, nothing can stop me now, I hit the emergency stop button on engine 1, then engine 2, 3 and 4 follow suit.... I quickly run to the door that leads to the main hall of the Mackinaw just as Serene finally hits enter and sends the reply. Followed quickly by a "WTF? My ship lost power, god dang engines!"

I waited in complete silence, then i heard the footsteps coming from down the hall, I raised my hands over my head.....The door opened and i knocker Serene out cold! I quickly turned the engines back on, dragged the bound and gagged Serene to my Capsule, stuffed the sucker inside and initiated the auto destruct sequence.

I ran into the engine room, through the hallway when i heard the Explosion go off, words can not express my joy upon hearing this. I continued until i got into the cockpit, i then took control of the ship and blew up my Venture....There can be no trace of what occurred here today.

I made my way to the station, a proud new owner of a Mackinaw."


---- Old second hand man called, will be back later, i have to hear what he has to say for himself.
Captain Stupid
State War Academy
Caldari State
#19 - 2014-10-31 06:03:43 UTC
I do hope CODE. find a way to gank in the forums, this is their first target for sure.
Primary This Rifter
Mutual Fund of the Something
#20 - 2014-10-31 06:34:16 UTC
I wish I could be a GM just so I could delete this without reading it.
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