EVE General Discussion

Wat™

I thought it said Dork King.

I'm trying to decide if this is worse or better than Toady's blogs

negative

"...I only had one option, I used my knowledge, obtained while king, of the game developers destroying select ships carrying PLEX to garner more money from consumers, to demand a temporary name change...

The dev's had no choice but to oblige.

Now under my new character name "Innocent Peasant", I emerged from 0.0 sec and into .9 sec. Feeling relatively safe I made my way through what used to be under my rule. There seemed to be a mass amount of ships next to the space station that was named in my honor....

Could it be? Did MisterCrowley Crowley still have loyal servants!?! I rejoiced at the possibility.

I made my way over, trying to seem Innocent, and trying not to draw attention to myself.

As i approached Space Station Crowley I finally understood what I was seeing. They were destroying my space station...All while bards were reciting poems of my destruction and detailing what they would do to me should I ever show my face again."

I can't even finish this post, I'm sad now....They ruined my space station and rhyming mean things about me. Maybe later I'll tell more of the story. : (

What.. the everliving ****.... did I just read...

Seems my character name change has fooled even the most proficient sleuth, known as Doc Fury...

Back to the story, my ability to remain invisible to the likes of Paranoid Loyd and Doc Fury has giving me much joy.

"So as I retreated from the hate festival thrown in celebration of my 'death'. I pondered my next course of action. Clearly I was disliked by many many of my servants. Was it because of the foot rubs I demanded every Thursday? No, that can't be it, I would be honored if I asked me to rub my feet, I am royalty after all.....I was royalty...now I am nothing....now...I am...nothing.

I made my way to the asteroid belt, I needed to collect some ore. I had to start at the bottom. I had no ISK and all but my current ship had been destroyed in the rebellion. I was stuck mining with a Venture. Before i knew it, my cargo bay was full of Veldspar.

It was a low value ore, but it was all I could find, everything else seemed to be mined out. I brought it to the closest station, and after a few trips I had enough ISK to buy an Upgraded mining turret. Now i could mine faster increasing my income per hour.

I mined continuously becoming more and more filled with hope that one day, I would rise again. I collected ore with a passion. I mined out an entire asteroid belt by myself!

Alas, ISK can only get me so far, I would need to integrate myself with people who could help me in the future. I knew it would be hard making friends with miners, they are very jumpy and will take off at any sign of danger, much like my second in command when i was king....."



--- Now i am wondering what happened to him, i should try and call him again, he doesn't know my new identity and probably thinks i have forgiven him since my 'death'. Will post more of my story after I see how he is doing.

The only other person able to post this much brain bending tripe was Alex Grison...

You will pay for your blasphemy against the sacred MisterCrowley Crowley.

Back to the story

"I was mining as little as possible, waiting for another miner to set up shop. I didn't have to wait long until a miner by the name of Serene Repose pulled up in a b-e-a-utiful Mackinaw.

I decided to introduce myself, "HI! I'm mist..uh...Innocent Peasant, please don't kill me, I am fairly new to the game and am still just trying to figure out the controls!" I pretended to be pathetic and new to gain the trust of the fellow miner.

Serene Repose typed back "Hey no problem, Do you have any questions about mining? I am quite knowledgeable on the subject."

Exactly as I planned, we were building rapport, "Do you know what mining ship I should aim for? I see there are different kinds of ships, but I'm not sure which one to get. " I almost vomit as I ask this and seem piteous. I knew what ship I wanted, I wanted a Mackinaw. And not just any Mackinaw, I wanted Serene Repose's Mackinaw.

Feeling like big man on campus Serene proceeds to tell me about the benefits of each.

Now i have a plan. Based off the endless list of information Serene told me about ships and the amount of time it took for Serene to type the response, SERENE IS A FINGER TYPER! which means that if I ask about the different types of ore I might have just enough time to put my plan into action!

Slyly "Oh thanks, that was such a huge help! Could you answer one more question? Then I swear I'll stop pestering you. Do you happen to know what types of ore i can find in each security zone?"

Serene Repose suspects nothing "sure thing Innocent peasant!"

I now eject from my Venture, watching intently for any sign that I've been caught, i slowly move my capsule towards the Mackinaws cargo bay. So far so good.....

Suddenly a Mining laser is coming straight for me! I Push on my control stick as hard as i can, i can see the laser just miss my capsule by mere centimeters....

I panic, but quickly realize the laser is still on and it is on a Scordite asteroid. I am briefly confused before i realize the mining laser must have automatically switched targets after it completely mined out the previous asteroid.

The mission is still undetected. I land in the Mackinaws cargo bay, i put on my space suit and jump out and run to the door that leads to the ships engine room. So far so good, Nothing has been entered in chat, Serene must be going super in depth on that reply!

I make it into the engine room, nothing can stop me now, I hit the emergency stop button on engine 1, then engine 2, 3 and 4 follow suit.... I quickly run to the door that leads to the main hall of the Mackinaw just as Serene finally hits enter and sends the reply. Followed quickly by a "WTF? My ship lost power, god dang engines!"

I waited in complete silence, then i heard the footsteps coming from down the hall, I raised my hands over my head.....The door opened and i knocker Serene out cold! I quickly turned the engines back on, dragged the bound and gagged Serene to my Capsule, stuffed the sucker inside and initiated the auto destruct sequence.

I ran into the engine room, through the hallway when i heard the Explosion go off, words can not express my joy upon hearing this. I continued until i got into the cockpit, i then took control of the ship and blew up my Venture....There can be no trace of what occurred here today.

I made my way to the station, a proud new owner of a Mackinaw."


---- Old second hand man called, will be back later, i have to hear what he has to say for himself.

I wish I could be a GM just so I could delete this without reading it.