Crime & Punishment

oh my god, this thread, best thing on the forums since Somer got banned

This is pure win.

It's a trick question. It doesn't specify whether or not your corp has billions to steal or whether you have a freighter. Since fast haulers are much easier to acquire than billions of ISK or a freighter, I'd wager that the most likely correct answer is C.

However...if your corp does have billions of ISK and you do have access to a freighter....

In an effort to curb rampant stupidity, I am calling on the New Order to implement a licensing and servicing department, in the interest of the common good. I am sick of traffic jams at Jita, debris from anti-tanked fits, stupidly flown untanked, unscouted frighters clogging up the space lanes, and towing unauthorized equipment such as tractor depots. I mean seriously, when is the last time you saw someone stop on the highway, unhitch a giant magnet, and leave it in the road?!?!

DJ, please incorporate New Order traffic enforcement into New Eden. I dont feel safe on the spacelanes. A pilots license, issued by one of your agents, is the only way to ensure pilots know how to fly!

Question 1

You are flying through high security space. You are stopped by the local police (an Agent of the New Order), and there is a question regarding the validity of your current operational permit. Please remember this is a stressful time for both you and the officer. Both are concerned with your safety. The officer informs you that you will be required to authorize a payment of 10M isk to update your permit, as it is expired.

You:

A) Rage at the officer. Use obscenities, racial slurs, and threats.

B) Attempt to flee the system.

C) Attack the officer, whom MUST be horrible at PVP (not to mention living in his parents basement!).

D) Pay the fine.



Question 2

You have a cargo run to complete. The total distance is somewhere around 20 jumps. You make sure that your hauling permit is in order before undocking, and that your total cargo value is something that will not economically cripple you if it is lost. However, nobody in your corp is willing to scout for you, and you dont dual box. (Because grrr goons, or something.)

You:

A) Use the autopilot feature to make the long trip. Its highsec, afterall, and that means you are safe. Make a sandwich.

B) Contact a New Order agent and rage at them, figuring you may as well get it over with now.

C) Load smaller amounts of cargo into a fast hauler, like a blockade runner, and navigate each jump.

D) Steal billions of ISK worth of materials from your corp, load into your Freighter, and quit. Cause **** those guys.


Question 3

You are flying through a system with no stations, in the middle of your run between two trade hubs. Knowing this is dangerous space, you were smart enough to bring a scout, and fit your hauler for tank. The scout radios in that the next system is densely populated, with several known gankers in local. There is an NPC corp member in a rookie ship orbiting the outgate.

You:

A) Warp to a safe, leave fleet, and safelog, but not before adding the NPC rookie pilot to your watchlist.

B) Crash the gate, YOLO.

C) Contact a New Order agent to rage, assuming you may as well get it over with now.

D) Warp to a safe, leave fleet, and safelog, but not before posting to C&P about how other players are ruining your MMO.

// End of section 1. A 100% score in this section is required for course completion. Section two to follow. //

Section two will deal with operation of extra-independent modules such as tractor units and also govern the discharge of weaponry in civilized (empire) space. Why do we need this?
Well, when is the last time you saw a Department of Natural Resources cop allow a fisherman to use an "Automatic fisher"?
And I dont know about you, but im not allowed to discharge a weapon within the city limits! As such, I give you section two.

For the following questions, assume that you are a mission runner. You are planning to make some ISK running complexes for the faction of your choice. Before undertaking the mission, you complete the following:


Question 4:

Before you undock, youll need a ship! You will be running a level 3 mission, so you jump into:

A) An assault frigate. Exceptional tank and good DPS will allow you to skillfully and efficiently eliminate the rats.

B) A battleship with a full compliment of drones. Setting your drones on "Aggressive" will allow you go to AFK during the mission.

C) A mining barge. Because you are a moron.

D) An Assault frigate, AND a logi or ECM ship, flown by a buddy, because you never know who may show up to your mission pocket.

Question 5:

Your next mission is a level 4. The agent advises you to bring a battleship based on the threat level and difficulty of the mission. You elect upon a Navy Raven to accomplish your mission, but not before checking your skills to see that you can fly one without substantial powergrid modifications, and also ensure that you are able to cover the loss if something goes wrong. For fittings, you choose:

A) In EvE, more expensive is always better. Purchase a PLEX with real money, and buy all officer torpedo launchers.

B) In EvE, it is easy to substitute proper skillpoints with faction gear. Who needs training? Purchase Blue-and-Green equipment for your tank.

C) Both A and B. Nothing will stop an officer fit Navy Raven with a deadspace and faction Tank. NOTHING.

D) I refuse to undock and fly a Navy Raven without proper training. I will tank for all possible encounters, including those involving other players.

Question 6:

Lucky you! While missioning, you have had a visit from a holy Inquisitor of HTFU. Much like the Spaniards of ancient Earth where he derives his namesake, his mission is to ensure no Heresy exists. He engages and destroys your tractor unit, flagging himself as suspect. Hey! He cant do that! You decide to turn your torpedoes towards him, and fire off a few shots. Surely torpedoes will kill a small ship such as his, right? What the hell is an "Ishkur" anyhow?

You:

A) Quickly realize that your torpedoes are not designed to hit fast orbiting, small ships. Your DPS is extremely minimal. How misleading! Radio your corp for help, and tell them to bring destroyers, not battleships.

B) You are not a member of any corp, and have no spacefriends to speak of. Die in a fire.

C) Rage at the inquisitor, informing him that you have the right to play as you wish, and that hisec is safe. Unbeknownst to you, you have added another tick to the kill-it-forward program.

D) Contact a New Order Agent to rage. Because all things blown up in Highsec are because of the New Order.

Question 7:

Upon returning from your mission, your ship is confiscated on the undock of your home station by a New Order agent. He informs you that due to your illegal rampant use of military grade ordinance in Empire space, he had no other choice. Please remember that this is a stressful time for both you and the officer, and both are concerned for your safety. He offers his regrets for the loss of your ship, but also offers to issue a weapons permit so that the misunderstanding can be prevented in the future.

You:

A) Report the issue to a GM. All losses in Highsec should be reimbursed, because you didnt consent to PVP. Where is the "flag" button, anyhow?

B) Realize that the appearance of "USS GANKNADO" on DSCAN should have predicated use of a warp-to-zero bookmark at your station. This would prevent your loss, but still leave you non-compliant for future incidents.

C) GF in local, and thank the Agent for his service. This is a stressful time for both you and the Agent, and both are concerned for your safety. You purchase a weapons permit for future use, and inquire how YOU can help keep Highsec safe in the future.

D) Inform the Agent that you have important Alts in Nullsec ( you dont ) and that you will get him back! ( You wont )

// End of section 2. A 100% score is required for completion of this section. Please proceed to section 3 //

Sigh. I knew we would get one of these.

No, you dont pass.

First off, an AF is an exceptional tool for running L3 missions, even up to DED 6/10's. They are fast, tanky, and do plenty of DPS.

I wondered if anyone would ask about the Raven. It was a reference to the "gentleman" who lost a few thousand dollars on a purple Raven a few months back.

If you were daft enough to engage an AF in your Battleship, you can rest assured you will lose it. Why? Because those guys dont work alone. He will get you to aggress, and have someone bring him something to obliterate you with. If you dont beleive me, I am sure the inquisition will happily oblige a learning lesson for you.

+10 for not knowing something you have been playing since beta.

I appreciate the tears, I really do.

From my personal roaming experiance:

Take a look at This carrier kill Involving nothing but frigates. There were 29 on the killmail. Some were just randoms that decided to get in on the mail.

Maybe thats not good enough? What about This Golem kill involving only a few AF's and one oracle?

I guess your rattlesnake is just beast. I guess we will see. Nothing in this post was aimed at you personally, yet for some reason you take great offense in it.

As for the alliance tourney... um... ok? AT loss = alliance disband. Also confirming we are a bunch of scrubs/bads. Come at us, brah!

Edit: For clarification, I was not talking about engaging your BS with AF's to GANK it. Please read Feyd's blog if you would like to actually understand HOW your BS can be killed by two AFs.

And seriously, no offense to you ( I mean, I know im a "gnat" and all ), but if TEN T3 boats could not kill your BS, they were bads.

The inability to laugh at all this is what saddens me the most. This whole thread was full of cheerful blackhearts having a good chuckle right up til the point where someone just HAD to come in all **** and vinegar and start whipping their big ole e-peen around.

Train your sense of humor up to at least a 3 please, it's only a x1 skill so it shouldn't take long.

Here, this should help a little?
http://evedarklord.blogspot.ca/2014/07/metagasm-redux.html