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Out of Pod Experience

 
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How people "cope."
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Nose' Feliciano
#1 - 2014-07-13 14:18:30 UTC
First the story:

Quote:
The teenage survivor of a shooting attack in suburban Houston in which her parents and four siblings were killed told a memorial event on Saturday her family was "in a much better place” and that she was making a full recovery from her injuries.

Cassidy Stay, 15, spoke to a large gathering outside an elementary school three days after the shootings at her home. Police said Ronald Lee Haskell, 33, entered the house posing as a delivery man and searching for his former wife, the sister of Cassidy's mother. He then shot members of the family, authorities said.

Haskell is charged with capital murder.

Cassidy Stay wiped away tears but smiled as she spoke of her parents, Stephen Stay, 39, and Katie, 33, and her two brothers and two sisters, aged 4 to 14.

link



What I found odd about the whole thing are her pictures in the link.

As one reader commented :"Three days and she’s over it?"

Another said: "I’m shocked at her responses and reaction to the brutal murder of her entire family. Hook-em horns and waving to the crowds??"

Granted, we dont know what is going on inside of her, but I just found her demeanor after this tragedy, strange.

Your thoughts?

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Shirley Serious
Gutter Press
#2 - 2014-07-13 19:53:01 UTC
Maybe, as the oldest, she was told a lot about putting a brave face on things, how she has to be strong for the others, and a role model and stuff ?

Probably has not sunk in, the magnitude of what happened.

Especially with all that media around her. Should probably give her space and so on, really.

Just the facts.
Matilda Cecilia Fock
Pator Tech School
Minmatar Republic
#3 - 2014-07-13 20:22:51 UTC
Three days later she still can be under shock, maybe the tragedy hasn't even sinked into her.

I can tell from my own experience that some things take a time to sink in; in my case it took two days until I felt the whole burden of what happened, and certainly it was not even a hundreth of what this girl has gone through.

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Lido Seahawk
Pator Tech School
Minmatar Republic
#4 - 2014-07-13 21:06:55 UTC
My first wife died in a car accident. Well, actually, she was on life support for a couple of years and then died. We were both in our early twenties. Anyway, the first six months or so, it was just like, ok, this happen to me, man up, life goes on. So I went all macho about it, put on a brave face, tried to stay cheerful, etc. I think more than a few people were kind of confused by it. I was in the Navy at the time.

So about six months into it, at work, right on the pier in front just about the whole command, I flipped out and completely broke down. I forget what triggered it. It was quite the scene. Was a complete basket case for a couple of months, the Navy started talking about discharging me, which pretty much forced me to put myself back together.

So yeah, everyone reacts differently, and sometimes it takes awhile for everything to sink in. I mean, at first, your brain just absolutely refuses to accept what just happened. You need to walk in them shoes before judging how people react to this kind of stuff.

May I have your stuff?
Grimpak
Aliastra
Gallente Federation
#5 - 2014-07-13 22:10:55 UTC
Nose' Feliciano wrote:
First the story:

Quote:
The teenage survivor of a shooting attack in suburban Houston in which her parents and four siblings were killed told a memorial event on Saturday her family was "in a much better place” and that she was making a full recovery from her injuries.

Cassidy Stay, 15, spoke to a large gathering outside an elementary school three days after the shootings at her home. Police said Ronald Lee Haskell, 33, entered the house posing as a delivery man and searching for his former wife, the sister of Cassidy's mother. He then shot members of the family, authorities said.

Haskell is charged with capital murder.

Cassidy Stay wiped away tears but smiled as she spoke of her parents, Stephen Stay, 39, and Katie, 33, and her two brothers and two sisters, aged 4 to 14.

link



What I found odd about the whole thing are her pictures in the link.

As one reader commented :"Three days and she’s over it?"

Another said: "I’m shocked at her responses and reaction to the brutal murder of her entire family. Hook-em horns and waving to the crowds??"

Granted, we dont know what is going on inside of her, but I just found her demeanor after this tragedy, strange.

Your thoughts?


oh she didn't.
the problem about these things is, it doesn't hit you on the first days.

it hits you later on, and it hits you like a train.

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[quote]The more I know about humans, the more I love animals.[/quote] ain't that right
Marsha Mallow
#6 - 2014-07-13 22:14:48 UTC  |  Edited by: Marsha Mallow
Shock seems likely, and people behave strangely in front of cameras. Being invited to make a public speech so soon afterwards is wierd in the first place, especially given her age.

They might have been a very religious family too - that phrase 'In a better place' definitely has the ring. There was a Muslim guy in the UK who lost his family in an arson attack . The things he said in interviews were really surprising at the time, as was his poise in front of the cameras, but he is clearly a deeply devout person.

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Gully Alex Foyle
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#7 - 2014-07-13 22:29:20 UTC
Sharing a tragedy with people that actually know you and care about you usually helps, a bit.

Regarding everyone else, including (especially) the media, I really think they should mind their own f*ing business.


I assume that no decent person would ring the bell of, say, a neighbor they usually barely even say 'good morning' to, just to ask him how he feels about all his family members dying the day before.

Yet, we have come to think it's normal for journalists to do it.


If something like that happened to me, I think my way of coping with it could be to smash the face of any journalist getting within 10 feet of me.


Apologies for the rant Lol, this kind of stuff pisses me off a bit.

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Ila Gant
Hedion University
Amarr Empire
#8 - 2014-07-14 00:31:11 UTC
This too shall pass.

People that cope, often do so by forgetting, by minimizing, or by "letting go". The injury lasts, but fades with time.

Thank God it works that way.
Reaver Glitterstim
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#9 - 2014-07-14 09:23:05 UTC
I don't usually see myself as one to succumb to grief. I'm very resilient compared to most people. But when my dad died, I went through that whole stages of loss thing, and it took me months to get past it. I put on a nice face but inside I was broken and torn apart. I coped by repeating over and over again that he wasn't happy in life, as if that made it better. To me, it did.

I never really did get over him but I've stopped seeing him in crowds, so I guess I'm getting somewhere.

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Frostys Virpio: "We have to give it to him that he does put more effort than the vast majority in his idea but damn does it sometime come out of nowhere."
Grimpak
Aliastra
Gallente Federation
#10 - 2014-07-14 10:15:28 UTC
Reaver Glitterstim wrote:
I don't usually see myself as one to succumb to grief. I'm very resilient compared to most people. But when my dad died, I went through that whole stages of loss thing, and it took me months to get past it. I put on a nice face but inside I was broken and torn apart. I coped by repeating over and over again that he wasn't happy in life, as if that made it better. To me, it did.

I never really did get over him but I've stopped seeing him in crowds, so I guess I'm getting somewhere.

yeah, it's not easy.

In my case it helped a bit that I always felt a bit awkward with him, but then again, any teenager will always feel awkward around his folks. latter years I felt that I haven't coped with it yet tho. I mean it's been 12 years and I still feel a bit of anxiety when a phone rings.

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[quote]The more I know about humans, the more I love animals.[/quote] ain't that right
Astenion
University of Caille
Gallente Federation
#11 - 2014-07-14 10:24:48 UTC  |  Edited by: Astenion
It's shock, that's all. Also, many people are raised to put on a brave face when faced with insurmountable difficulty.

It's the total opposite in Latin and black cultures, where you're expected to express your sadness fully or else you're looked down upon. White people tend to look at that as being a bit of a baby and an attention-seeking disgrace, but it's just different for different cultures.

This is where the "Keep Calm and Carry On" slogan came from that everyone borrows now. It's an English slogan for perseverance and it perfectly illustrates how white people deal with adversity; we bury it deep down so no one sees because we feel ashamed to express our true feelings. This usually ends up in alcoholism and suicide later, but hey, at least we're respectable! Big smile
Reaver Glitterstim
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#12 - 2014-07-14 18:17:13 UTC  |  Edited by: Reaver Glitterstim
I guess I'm lucky to be white. If I were expected to display my grief in a standard fashion, I would be unable to put up a proper show and people would treat me as if I were somehow inadequate, which would further reinforce the feelings of inadequacy already there. It would push me into alcoholism and self-mutilation, and--as I could never be convinced to consider suicide--retaliatory homicide.

I guess people around me are lucky that I haven't gone very far off the deep end yet.

FT Diomedes: "Reaver, sometimes I wonder what you are thinking when you sit down to post."

Frostys Virpio: "We have to give it to him that he does put more effort than the vast majority in his idea but damn does it sometime come out of nowhere."
Astenion
University of Caille
Gallente Federation
#13 - 2014-07-16 11:20:52 UTC
That's what some people said about Queen Elizabeth at her father's funeral when she refused to cry. People called her callous and unfeeling, but she was trying to display stoicism in a very trying time in order to show the public she could handle the burden, even at such a young age.

We white Americans are a bit more vocal about our grievances and complaining than the English, but we both share the same stiff upper lip attitude when it comes to hardship, especially funerals. Have you ever been to a black Southern Baptist funeral? People will literally scream and yell and fall out on the floor, passed out from grief...it's quite shocking to see. It's considered almost disrespectful to the deceased not to display some sort of outward emotion.
Bischopt
Sebiestor Tribe
Minmatar Republic
#14 - 2014-07-16 19:54:38 UTC
Could be she's bottling her real feelings inside. From personal experience I can say some of us like to keep our feelings to ourselves, especially when it's highly personal.

My father died when I was 8 years old and I never really shared what was going on in my head. Didn't talk to the social workers etc. Just said some general ...dung so they would leave me alone so I could think about everything in peace. I had a dream about my father the next night (or maybe the one after that) where we said goodbye and that was probably the end of it.

Dunno.
Kotch 247
Doomheim
#15 - 2014-07-17 11:01:18 UTC
Everyone's different. When I was a kid I saw my grandmother drop dead right in front of me. I didn't cry or get upset. My mother's always remarked on how well I took it in my stride. When my dad died I was sad for a couple of days but after that I was basically back to normal. Things like that don't seem to affect me much, I don't know why.
Slade Trillgon
Brutor Force Federated
#16 - 2014-07-17 11:23:17 UTC
Many likes handed out as pretty much everyone has said all that needs to be said. Different cultures, different people, different coping mechanisms. I have many stories and have coped in multiple ways and I am sure if we all thought hard about it we would also see that different situations, within our individual lives, trigger varied coping mechanisms within ourselves.

Gully Alex Foyle wrote:
Sharing a tragedy with people that actually know you and care about you usually helps, a bit.

Regarding everyone else, including (especially) the media, I really think they should mind their own f*ing business.


I assume that no decent person would ring the bell of, say, a neighbor they usually barely even say 'good morning' to, just to ask him how he feels about all his family members dying the day before.

Yet, we have come to think it's normal for journalists to do it.


If something like that happened to me, I think my way of coping with it could be to smash the face of any journalist getting within 10 feet of me.


Apologies for the rant Lol, this kind of stuff pisses me off a bit.



I agree! Especially since the questions the media asks in times like this are the most ridiculously simple questions that most people, that hear of the story, have pondered many of them and how we would handle the situation ourselves, before the media even gets a chance to ask them. So really, the whole spectacle is not even necessary. Let people know what happened and let it be as most of us can ask and answer many of those questions within our own heads; but that does not sell commercial time.