Intergalactic Summit

I have a question for you. It requires some background information. I have recently been assigned by Nishida Holdings (of which the Nishida Corporation is merely a part) to form the primary liaison with an Amarrian industrialist with whom we are collaborating on a number of projects (the precise nature of which is of no relevance here). Setting this up has entailed my travelling to Amarr and meeting him on several occasions so far, and will require a rather more prolonged stay at his primary base of operations in Jakemhih in the near future. This is all unremarkable, although I should add that I have until now spent comparatively little time in the Amarr Empire, so that my suitability for this task has less to do with any intercultural competence I might possess than with technical and political issues.

It is perhaps this lack of intercultural familiarity which has posed me the following problem. The Amarrian's father has died; he will travel to his homeworld in the coming days to attend the funeral. He has invited me to accompany him. I do not know how to respond to this.

Two scenarios have occurred to me. One is that he has extended this invitation as a polite courtesy, but expects me to refuse. I would be a stranger at such an event, knowing nothing of Amarr funerary rites and of course completely unfamiliar with his family or traditions. The other is that this is meant directly, and he would be offended if I turned him down. Since I neither wish to offend him, nor embarrass my employer, I am troubled by this development. I have no idea whether it is customary amongst the Amarr to invite outsiders to such intimate events, or whether in Amarr terms this is not an intimate event and foreigners would be welcome, nor do I know whether politeness requires an Amarrian to extend such invitations to business acquaintances … In any case, I am seeking advice, both in terms of how I ought to take this, and, if I were to go to Chaven with him, what I ought to expect. How do the Amarr farewell their dead?

Our funerals, like many of our social gatherings, are delicate affairs. Don't listen to Otsito's "advice" unless you want to have two services instead of just one.

As for whether you should accept or if you can decline, I'm afraid that there is not a standard for this. On the one hand, we are a private people who prefer to keep our personal matters out of the public space, and so if you are not a close friend with this person (and not a member of the faith) your presence might be concerning for some of the guests. On the other hand, it is common for an invitation to be with the expectation that you will accept. Someone with more experience with these sort of events could advise better here--the only funeral I have observed was the Empire-wide week of mourning for His Holiness The Emperor Heideran VII, may he be at peace in Heaven.

I will say that politeness does not require the sending of invitations for intimate events to business associates. We believe in keeping personal and business dealings separate, rather than mixing the two. Therefore, if he is sending you an invitation, it is because he has deliberately chosen to send you one.

If you do attend, you will need to familiarize yourself with the specific program for the evening. Customs, though similar, are not the same throughout the Empire, and many families have their own traditions that have been carried on for many generations. I would recommend, if you accept the invitation, to discuss with either your associate or the designated funeral manager what is planned for the evening and how you should prepare. This is not uncommon and would not be offensive--it would in fact demonstrate that you respect the family and our culture. What preparations you need to make could be many things, from specific attires, to gifts (it is common to leave gifts for the departed), to the memorization of certain prayers or songs.

It sounds to me, as if the man is telling you that your new business alliance is highly important to him. I would advise accepting. As for avoiding faux pas, it is entirely possible to hire yourself a 'cultural interpreter' for the event. Most Amarrian noble houses won't question your inclusion of key personal staff and, I imagine, would be flattered by the consideration that hiring such a person implies for their cultural values.

I have, myself, generally winged my way through Amarrian social events by the seat of my pants. I can report mixed results, at best. Sometimes I've been deliberately rude and it hasn't even raised a murmur. Sometimes I've tried to do as the Amarrians do and it's caused outrage. Frankly, in my opinion, they are a subtle people who had thirty words for betrayal whilst the rest of us were still working out how to hit each other with rocks. Don't try to be flawlessly Amarrian, be yourself and just take steps not to cause offence.

Praetorian: I take your point about the potentially disruptive nature of my attendance: I have met this man four times, so cannot under any stretch of the imagination be called a close friend. Nevertheless, since you also make a reasonable case for this being an invitation I ought not to decline, I can only assume that my Amarrian has considered this. There is one thing, however … I mention this with a certain hesitation … a certain amount of intelligence to suggest that his relationship to his family might possibly be tense. An unresolved inheritance issue. Not really any of my business, naturally, but my people did see fit to include it in their briefing when we began. So there may be currents beneath the surface here. We shall see, perhaps.

Tuulinen: your advice is sound, a cultural interpreter is a good idea. I will make enquiries. What you say about subtlety is more than true. Do not misunderstand me: I like this man, but I cannot say I understand him. This gesture least of all. As for our alliance being highly important, though … yes, yes it is. There is a great deal at stake here, beyond the fortunes of the Nishida group. And perhaps also beyond those of his own.

If others have things to add about Amarr funerary customs—descriptions, any liturgical elements people are aware of, or personal experiences—I would be glad to hear them.

The fellow will probably raise his eyebrows at you talking about his relationship to his family and the stakes involved to the general public. Even if people couldn't work a simple search engine and keep an eye on your itinerary, he and his family are most certainly likely to recognize you and themselves in here.

Might want to break out that fish or see me about a small mountain of conciliatory Crash.

Something of this nature is what I was thinking when I noted that their sending you the invitation was deliberate. If this is the case then it offers two possible explanations:

The first is that he feels uncomfortable around his family and wishes an ally to be at the funeral with him. That he is sending it to you despite only having met you four times indicates that he is looking for someone who would fly under the radar. That, or, forgive me for making the suggestion, he wishes to use your presence to make a statement to the family and his father, due to your being a foreigner and outside the faith.

The second is that his family has sent the invitation in his name, or otherwise encouraged him to send it. Maybe they don't like his dealings with you and wish to make you uncomfortable, or maybe they want to meet you themselves and establish a connection.

Either way, you will need to treat it very delicately. You will be offending someone by not showing, and possibly offending others by showing.

I suppose these were ramifications I should have considered. Yes, of course. Thank you, Praetorian, this is most helpful. I clearly need to get an Amarrian on my personal staff. We are dealing with a mindset here that is foreign to all of us.

Why do I suspect that breaking the ice the way you suggest, Jinari, might well indeed get me the second funeral Praetorian Kernher mentions in her first post?

Well, it'd only take a few hundred such corpses before they'd loosen up and start seeing the humor and joy in life, and can't we all agree that such a thing is a worthy cause to momentarily die for? Well that and the looks on their faces. And the fish's. The Crash Mountain's face remains inert, but scalable.

You have the tact of a plasma blowtorch with a faulty faucet.
Also, Quafe. Really? That thing rots your tongue! You are better off using it as an industrial cleaner.

Also, rotted fish is desperation food for lengthy journeys with only one functional, yet leaky, afterburner and a disabled warp drive.

Mister Akachi,

Allthough I'm an complete outsider, My advise would be to be open about your concerns in regard to the invitation. I would tell the son that you are sorry for his loss as it is always painfull to lose a family member. Tell him that you would like to accept the invitation but that you are not yet familiar enough with Amarr funerals and wish to avoid any disruptions or disrespect to the ceremony. Ask what is expected from you and which do's and do dont's apply. I believe you could also ask for advice from priests.

I am fairly sure that showing your involvement and willingness to learn will go a long way.

Regards,

DutchGunner
CONCORD Loyalist