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How to forgive...
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Orla- King-Griffin
#21 - 2014-05-19 20:00:50 UTC
On a semi serious note, sometimes forgiveness isn't healthy or appropriate. Still though, more often than not it is.

Ah shite...
Marsha Mallow
#22 - 2014-05-19 20:11:27 UTC
Everything in moderation

Or not Bear

Ripard Teg > For the morons in the room:

Sweets > U can dd my face any day
Reaver Glitterstim
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#23 - 2014-05-19 22:14:01 UTC
I never had trouble forgiving. What I didn't get was how a person could stay mad at someone else for something that happened a long time ago. People have told me I have a gift, but it doesn't feel like a gift. It makes me feel vulnerable. I can't correctly assess people's intentions. I give people room where others later tell me I shouldn't have, and I get hurt. It's a hard road to climb. I think what they mean by me having a gift is it's a gift for the people around me, not for me.

I've seen many proverbs about how great it is to do X selfless act, and none of the people telling them stop to admit that sometimes the only benefit is to those around you. Now that's not to say that being nice doesn't have its benefits, it absolutely does. But there are a lot of times when being nice does not benefit you, and many of those proverbs out there are flat-out wrong when it comes to self-serving.

p.s.: can someone please explain to me how to know when to not forgive? And when I know I shouldn't, how do I not? When someone asks for my trust and I don't trust them, how do I respond without antagonizing that person? Answering this question won't just help me, it may help those of you who stop to consider it.

FT Diomedes: "Reaver, sometimes I wonder what you are thinking when you sit down to post."

Frostys Virpio: "We have to give it to him that he does put more effort than the vast majority in his idea but damn does it sometime come out of nowhere."
Astenion
University of Caille
Gallente Federation
#24 - 2014-05-20 14:11:23 UTC
Forgiveness depends on the act. If your girlfriend cheats on you, you can break up with her and then forgive her later and not worry about it. What's done is done and there's no use carrying around that baggage.

However, if someone murders/rapes/molests you/your family/someone you care about, I don't see why you have to forgive them, and neither do I see why it's an admirable quality to do so. Some people shouldn't be forgiven. This is why I fully support the death penalty; maybe not how it's implemented currently, but the idea that certain people just aren't meant to breathe is a concept I agree with fully.
Sibyyl
Garoun Investment Bank
Gallente Federation
#25 - 2014-05-20 19:21:58 UTC
Just quoting one of my favorite poems by Blake:

I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

And I watered it in fears,
Night and morning with my tears;
And I sunned it with smiles,
And with soft deceitful wiles.

And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright.
And my foe beheld it shine.
And he knew that it was mine,

And into my garden stole
When the night had veiled the pole;
In the morning glad I see
My foe outstretched beneath the tree

Joffy Aulx-Gao for CSM. Fix links and OGB. Ban stabs from plexes. Fulfill karmic justice.
Reaver Glitterstim
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#26 - 2014-05-21 02:10:51 UTC
I am opposed to the death penalty because I don't trust any single group to be a good judge of who should live and who should die. I'd rather pay tax money to keep ten violent, psychopathic, remorseless murderers alive and locked up than have one halfway-innocent person be put to death.

FT Diomedes: "Reaver, sometimes I wonder what you are thinking when you sit down to post."

Frostys Virpio: "We have to give it to him that he does put more effort than the vast majority in his idea but damn does it sometime come out of nowhere."
Reaver Glitterstim
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#27 - 2014-05-21 03:30:36 UTC
I also wish to make it abundantly clear that I hold no ill feelings toward people merely for being a psycopath or a sociopath. Some people are born that way, many of them are good people. Just because a certain crime would only be committed by a psychopath does not mean that a psychopath is likely to commit that crime. Psychopaths and sociopaths are a poorly understood and highly persecuted group of people that we need to stop hating indiscriminately and start welcoming into our lives. Assuming a person is bad because they have a certain uncommon trait causes more harm than the people in that group who are not nice people.

I have a distant friendship with a sociopath. We haven't spoken in a long time but for a short while I was able to call her friend, and she was able to see me as a fun person to talk to. We both learned a lot from the other, and our relationship was very healthy.

FT Diomedes: "Reaver, sometimes I wonder what you are thinking when you sit down to post."

Frostys Virpio: "We have to give it to him that he does put more effort than the vast majority in his idea but damn does it sometime come out of nowhere."
Ham the Astrochimp
Viziam
Amarr Empire
#28 - 2014-05-21 03:36:53 UTC
o o oo eeh
yous can have Hams forgiveness when yous pry it from me cold de4d paw!
Haaaaaaaaa!!
Reaver Glitterstim
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#29 - 2014-05-21 03:43:53 UTC
Ham, nobody is asking you to let someone get away with hurting you. But if you learn to stop letting other people's faults get you down, it makes you a lot happier.

But from the looks of it, you seem to be doing pretty well there I think.

FT Diomedes: "Reaver, sometimes I wonder what you are thinking when you sit down to post."

Frostys Virpio: "We have to give it to him that he does put more effort than the vast majority in his idea but damn does it sometime come out of nowhere."
Marcus Gord
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#30 - 2014-05-21 08:18:27 UTC
i'm one of those forgive but never forget kind of people. most of the time.

sometimes you just gotta give in to wrath.

In a few moments you will have an experience that will seem completely real. It will be the result of your subconscious fears transformed to your conscious awareness.

http://i.imgur.com/LM2NKUf.png
Captain Finklestein
Doomheim
#31 - 2014-05-23 06:06:31 UTC  |  Edited by: Captain Finklestein
Some dude called me a "no-lifer" a few hours ago because he didn't like the size of my mining fleet. X

I was about to hire Marmite to wardec his corp. Then I read your post.










I'm still about to hire Marmite to wardec his corp.

Moral of the story: Get some sweet ******* revenge before you forgive someone.

It's just more financially viable for me.
Da'iel Zehn
Evil Frosty's Premium Liqours and Fine Wines
#32 - 2014-05-23 15:47:01 UTC  |  Edited by: Da'iel Zehn
It is easier to forgive when someone actually apologizes and realizes what they did was wrong. Forgiving in this example is mercy. Forgiving someone who does not apologize and recognize what they did was wrong is grace.

I've been given mercy and grace in my life, so it is right for me to do the same. I've hurt other people in some form or fashion in my life too... much to my regret. Recognizing that helps me forgive others.

In regards to EvE, even if I forgive you, your name will remain on my hit list until I see your ship disintegrate into flames and your corpse is in my hanger. Big smile

Yes, I still have a few people from 10 years ago on my list. Twisted
Doreen Kaundur
#33 - 2014-06-09 12:30:41 UTC  |  Edited by: Doreen Kaundur
10 Reasons to Forgive the Person You Hate the Most


Quote:
1. Forgiveness allows us to take responsibility for our own happiness.
Most of what we attract into our lives is a mere reflection of what is inside of us. Our thoughts and actions create our exterior world. The Law of Attraction teaches us that like attracts like, and we will never experience a happy ending at the end of an unhappy journey. By holding onto anger and resentment (even in our subconscious mind), we are pre-paving our journey to be filled with anger and resentment. The way we feel and the emotions we hold are what we use to create all of our future experiences. (Read The Secret.)

2. Forgiveness allows us to see everyone in our lives as a teacher.
Family members, spouses, friends, bosses, etc. – everyone is brought into our lives to teach us more about ourselves. Thanking them for being a part of our journey and teaching us lessons that we now no longer need to learn is an incredible step in expanding our consciousness.

This same philosophy applies to our negative, failed relationships too. Once you truly learn the lesson behind why a negative relationship came into your life, you will then no longer attract situations and future relationships that attempt to teach you the same lesson. You get to graduate and grow so you no longer keep repeating the same unpleasant experience over and over again.

3. Forgiveness helps us stop playing the victim card.
Adjusting your perspective to a place of forgiveness and gratitude allows you to no longer play the victim card. Most of the time you are not a victim of anything other than your own vibration and level of attraction. When you continue to blame someone else, you automatically give control of your life to someone else and thus set yourself up to be a lifelong victim.

4. Forgiveness makes us aware that most people are doing the best they can.
Have compassion for where other people are in their lives. It might not be where you are, but most people are doing the best they can at their particular level of awareness and understanding. (Read The Four Agreements.)

5. Forgiveness embodies the concept of “what goes around comes around.”
We are all human and we have all done “unthinkable” things. And deep down, we all yearn for the same forgiveness. When we release others from the penalties of their actions, we create a space where our own thoughtless actions against others can be forgiven as well.

6. Forgiveness forces our own level of consciousness to expand.
The process of growth is continuous. The moment we stop learning, searching for lessons and expanding our consciousness, the ego steps in and takes over. We are always moving toward something greater, and forgiveness helps us get there faster by eliminating our ties to dead weight from our past.

7. Forgiveness teaches us to keep our expectations tempered.
We should never be expecting anything from anyone. When we do this, we give up our own power to decide. We alone are the creator of our universe, and when we are connected to our own inner source, we no longer “need” anything from anyone. It’s still nice to receive things from time to time, but we don’t need these things to move forward with our lives. (Read Forgiveness Is a Choice.)

8. Forgiveness teaches us to tone down our instincts for self-preservation.
Too often we injure one another simply because we are trying to protect ourselves (financially, emotionally, etc.), even when it’s at someone else’s expense. We have all done it. Becoming aware of this pattern allows us to stop needlessly injuring others for our own benefit. And as you know, what goes around comes around…

9. Forgiveness creates a space to let go and love.
Not everyone and every situation is meant to be a part of our lives forever. Sometimes they are only there long enough to help us open the next chapter of our story. Letting go creates space to let new people and experiences in.

In addition, we are all connected. We have never met another person that we have not loved in some small way. Sometimes we just don’t consciously know how to understand it and show it. Simply put, forgiveness in and of itself is an act of letting go of our differences and connecting with our oneness and love for each other and the world we inhabit.

10. Forgiveness is the best revenge.
A bit of sarcasm in this one, but it’s so true. You can always seek revenge positively by creating a better future for yourself. Because nothing annoys an adversary or negative force in your life more than seeing you smile after you have genuinely forgiven them and moved forward with your life.

[center]1. Minor navigation color change. 2. Show bookmarks in the overview.[/center]
Ralph King-Griffin
New Eden Tech Support
#34 - 2014-06-09 12:36:08 UTC
11. You have their corpse in your Garage Hangar.

Murderers of Negotiable Motivations

=]|[=
Dorian Tormak
RBON United
#35 - 2014-06-09 17:44:48 UTC
I find it easier to have no forgiveness at all, and in the end I think it's the same whether you forgive everyone who wrongs you or whether you forgive none of them. The point is to live your life the way you see fit, and to not let anyone into a position where they are able to wrong you in the first place. If they do something bad or something mean, you walk away, or do something equally mean right back to them. I think most people are able to tell who deserves to be in their life and who doesn't. The main thing is to strive to be a nice person yourself. Don't give in to anger, do as you will, if someone has something negative to say, don't think about what they have to say, think about what you have to say. Avoid being angry at all costs, I am only angered in the most extreme circumstances. Once you accomplish being a nice person and being happy all of the time, nothing anyone does can really harm you, you are able to laugh in the face of all the bullshit. Just get everything done and move on and keep going forward.

Like that one saying goes, forgive but never forget! To me it's less about forgiveness and more about say... transcendence.

Holy Satanic Christ! This is a Goddamn Signature!
Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
#36 - 2014-06-09 18:01:09 UTC
So you're saying that wrath ISNT the answer...




* sips coffee and rethinks life.

Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings?
Da'iel Zehn
Evil Frosty's Premium Liqours and Fine Wines
#37 - 2014-06-09 18:04:49 UTC
Unsuccessful At Everything wrote:
So you're saying that wrath ISNT the answer...

* sips coffee and rethinks life.


If wrath brings about a recognition of wrong doing... then I think it has its place. hehe Smile
Eurydia Vespasian
Storm Hunters
#38 - 2014-06-09 18:15:17 UTC
I find that I have a easier time forgiving others than I have forgiving myself. =(
Reaver Glitterstim
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#39 - 2014-06-09 18:40:54 UTC
I always listen to Infected Mushroom - Forgive Me while reading this thread.

FT Diomedes: "Reaver, sometimes I wonder what you are thinking when you sit down to post."

Frostys Virpio: "We have to give it to him that he does put more effort than the vast majority in his idea but damn does it sometime come out of nowhere."
DaReaper
Net 7
Cannon.Fodder
#40 - 2014-06-09 20:47:08 UTC
good read, but i'll ignore the biblical mumbo jumbo at the end. (not ment to offend, i'm a deist so take that for whats its worth)

OMG Comet Mining idea!!! Comet Mining!

Eve For life.
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