Crime & Punishment

hello guys,

my latest gank story. Hope you will enjoy the read. Let me know what you think

http://cloakybastard.blogspot.se/2014/02/the-pilgrimage.html

Please tell me you told him to watch Blade runner.

It upsets me that he took it to be some crappy attempt at emo poetry rather than the single greatest instance of an actor rewriting their lines and making a scene better.

Sad Face :(

=( I had to ask.

Not a pirate story, but a look into what playing eve has done to me:

>Go to store
>minding my own business, shopping
>little old lady walks around corner
>Old lady: excuse me, dear, could you grab something for me in the next isle? I can't reach it."
>me thinks: (veteran missioner needs my help? TRAP!)
>agrees to help anyway
>goes to next isle
>see three other people
>me thinks: (damn, it is a trap)
>lock them all up over heat my top rack and blast away
>old lady: are you alright dear?
>I snap back to reality
>me: yeah, what did you need again?
>old lady: two cans of that soup
>me: here you go
>old lady: thank you
>go back to shopping

Getting a bumper sticker for my car that reads: Eve online is the reason for my trust issues...smh.

Sooo this is almost anti pirate, but the tears are juicy.

Corp joins faction warfare. See a Retribution on scan (I'm in Merlin, friend in Tristian), ohshit.jpg. Warp to the novice that hes sitting at (lol noob, can't even go in). Land, see nothing, dscan still shows retribution 4km from me. wtf.gif. Switch overviews, oh... hes friendly militia... Whats this! Hes pirate! Engage and kill him. I'm at 40% structure. Hes upset. Initiate Eve RP.

*Changed names to protect the not so Innocent, I'm on my alt.

EvilAmarrSlaver > we are same militia?
InnocentAlt > pirate
InnocentAlt > you are red
EvilAmarrSlaver > unfuck your overview
EvilAmarrSlaver > look agaim
EvilAmarrSlaver > AMARR MILITIA
InnocentAlt > stop shooting people
EvilAmarrSlaver > man, I was not shooting you
InnocentAlt > we are caldari
EvilAmarrSlaver > you agressed
InnocentAlt > we dont take kindly to slave owners
EvilAmarrSlaver > OK, I will report this to your corp
InnocentAlt > I hope I get promoted
EvilAmarrSlaver > you can be sure you wont

I got promoted :p

It was about a month ago, but still worth mentioning.

"How to not fly an Anshar in Heimatar Lowsec"

A friend of mine reported a cyno in Sotrenzur Solar System on our intel channel and warped to invastigate.
A few seconds after she landed on grid an Anshar jumped in and bumped off station... about 40km long hyper bump.
As she started a pursuit Anshar somehow manage to enter warp, right in direction of sun.
She follows and landed long before Freighter, finally Anshar started entering Sun grid.
Soon after it was pointed, and warp-in was set.
It was fairy a dozen of seconds passed when I landed, yet Anshar was taking heavy damages from my friends.
Ransom was offered by Anshar pilot of 2 Bill ISK, but we considered it way too small.

As we continue to tearing it apart, Anshar pilot ejected the ship and was immediately podkilled by my Fast Lock Cloaky Loki (FLCL)

Unfortunately for us we did not know any Anshar pilot that could haul That thing to nearest station.
Decision was made.

So I guess I got a nifty story,

So short story first, We are wardec with a corp, and being our rounds, the first kill is kinda meh, just a Thrasher, (http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=22563176) he was pretty slippery but due to our own timing he was mid mission and just had to poke his nose out to finish it.

So we move on the next, a Steve. As my CEO said, Who ever names their toon Steve in a Sci-fi MMORPG Sandbox Metagames from hell, has to be the most boring person to ever grace New Eden. So in order to stop this possible viral outbreak, (The first outbreak was taken care of long ago I hear) We get into some frigs and blast towards him. And we find him.

In a Gila,

Auto-piloting.

Yeeeaaahhh, Bout that. http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=22563460


So that was nice, Got the pod to, then manage to catch him coming out of a rookie system later in his ibis.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________

So the on the next morning,

I wake up, get some food and sit down at my computer and log into eve, I'm sitting in my Cloaky Tengu in Amarr and check my watchlist, A few nasty (as in more skilled then me WT's online) and one member of a corp that was only a few months old. So I run over to a locator and run it, a friend is also online he jumps into his Harpy for fast tackle.

Locate catches him nearby same region. We go after him.


Eventually with the help of a neutral alt, the harpy pilot catch a Navy Issue Drake on a gate and engages him. Surprisingly he engages the harpy. The harpy pilot happily engages him, though he is taking a surprising amount of damage from the battlecruiser. He calls for help and I'm rushing to him, I'm in the next system and jump is short, but the 3.00AU Warpspeed feels like I'm slow-boating in a Dread.

I land on the drake and scram web and engage with Rage missles, the Harpy now in low hull warps to safety to repair at a station, and I start bait tanking the drake, allowing my shields to get low before cycling a rep in. I'm using an extra large ASB, and it takes him forever to chew threw my shield. T2 resists are simply amazing, but being in a cloaky my DPS is 350ish with rage, my missile skills let me use T2 HAMS, but only just.

By this point the Drake is still fighting but has misplaced his batphone and is calling for help in local,

Drake: They are with me in Bikia
Drake links Bikia,
Drake: Are you close?
Drake: I need help pls,

A local pilot in the area reminds him that he is talking in local, and he shuts up but by this point he is done for, The harpy is back and the Drake hasn't noticed and is still trying to by my Tengu Massive active Tank. When we hit his hull he disengages, we both over heat and he's done for.

The drake explodes in a wonderfully display of orange red and white, the Harpy quickly catches the pod and blaps him back to the hole he came from. Happy with the kill I burn towards and wreak and suddenly, Christmas has come early,

http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=22576486

Thats why he was freaking out and calling for help, he frantically tried to use his batphone and came up with local in his panic. Who he was trying to contact, is a guess better left alone.

I try to grab the loot, but my Cargo is filled to the brim with Navy cap 400's. I scream for the harpy to start grabbing everything and move to a station. He was looking at the pod kill http://eve.battleclinic.com/killboard/killmail.php?id=22576485 and had yet to realize the trove we just forcible broke.

It was a wonderful day, I must say. 500mil in profit split between the two of us, and a nifty kill mail to brag about.

So TL;DR Don't undock your billion isk drake during an active wardec. Or your Gila, In fact. If your can't fight the people around drop corp and dance your merry way

Wow! Just...wow! And if it took him three weeks of mining to pay for his pixelated spaceship, would he have asked you to use an AR instead?

Wow is right!

PVP in a PVP game means your a deranged homicidal murderer?? Great story though.

Not much for an exciting story, as their was no discussion at all between myself and the victim, but still made me happy.

I was on my way home to camp a station which had 4 wartargets in it, in the hopes that one of them might actually undock if they out numbered me 4-1 (I would be disappointed later). Meanwhile I had a guy run a locator agent for me on another war target. Results came back, he was in Jita 4-4. Boring.

4 jumps from home I spot a wt in local. I quickly start warping to stations to try and find him, but he leaves system. Damn, 4 possible outgates, and my scout is further away than I would have liked (had been neglecting to hit jump on him, whoops).

So I hire another locator while I quickly burn back to home system to change ships. (Navy slicer is quick for travel, but not an amazing pvp ship)

Grab my tengu and start heading for where I saw him last. One jump from where I saw him and locator comes back he's 3 jumps away, directly along the shortest path to Jita...

No way.

I burn rubber to try and catch him, 5 jumps later and I see him in local, I warp to the outgate and, surprise surprise he's currently 5km from the gate in a Fenrir. W. T. F. He's clearly on autopilot, and I wouldn't be able to bump him off gate well enough before he would be able to jump through, so I just through ahead and wait for him. Shortly after he shows up in local, and I wait impatiently for him to decloak. Still AFK. So I get to bumping him as hard as I can, which turns out isn't all that hard in a tengu that isn't designed for that. Oh well.

Getting greedy I start burning my orca alt to system, only 4 jumps, not too bad. Meanwhile I burn him down to low structure so I can pop him. I stop shooting so I can focus on burning the orca as fast as it's fat a** can manage. during which time I notice this small frigate doing his damnedest to try and help with the bumping. What a sweetheart!

Well, while I was off screen warping the orca, he comes back from AFK and starts heading for the gate. I come back and notice, and try and bump him again.... and miss completely. Frak.

I try burning him down before he gets to gate but it's too late, two more bumps hardly even slow him down. I stop shooting to deagress. Orca is in system and warping to gate.

He jumps through. I'm still 20 seconds from deagressing. fml.

Frigate jumps through.

As soon as I can I get through the gate, he's not on grid. But the frigate pilot chimes up in local,

Lorena Chelien > p1 or customs office
Tengu Grib > Lorena Chelien ty

I land at planet 1 customs office, there he is, trying to align out. Lock up and point, start burning, Orca warps to me at zero. He manages to get his pod out with no problems. And I start looting the wreck. I let the killmail speak for itself.
Link not working: http://www.maniacal-laughter.eve-kill.net/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=22918341
Sent him a mail later and found out he'd been drinking, and thought he had dropped corp before he set autopilot. He just didn't actually do the dropping corp part.

I'd like to give Lorena Chelien a shout out in addition to the medal I already gave her. My greed almost got the better of me, but at the end of the day I got my prize.



EDIT: adding a tl;dr version:
Dude get drunk, plays eve, thinks he drops corp, doesn't, set's course for Jita on autopilot and goes AFK during a war dec. Nearly manages to escape certain death. Doesn't.

Second Edit: Tried to fix the killmail link. Not sure why it's not working