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CSM Campaigns

 
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His Exalted Excellency's Proclamation Proclaiming His Campaign For CSM

First post
Author
CareBear Killer Jones
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#1 - 2014-04-01 04:30:38 UTC
Greetings Peons, Peasants, Pundits, and Punctilious Prognosticators of Politics,

I come before you with great tidings of joy! The chosen one has stepped forth to ascend to the golden throne of the CSM 9. I am his Metatron, who unlike lower Seraph angles is the only fit carry forth the divine message of the salvation of EVE! Who is this savior?

He is Lakeorini, Bolivia's finest HAM radio DJ for all things EVE Online related. For nigh on 12 years he has been invested in a free trip to Iceland better EVE Online. While many of his peers would claim him to be ambitious, Lakeorini believes he has no peers.

He believes that making changes to benefit the broad player base of EVE Online is a fallacy. Instead needed game changes should be developed as they would benefit the player base the most. By simply rewording the first sentence Lakeorini has just solved all of EVE Online's woes, rejoice you peasants!

Still not convinced Bolivia's greatest export is your demigod CSM savior? Well here is his very pedantic platform for you to worship from afar:

-He will install proper conflict drivers: Any update CCP publishes will now come with contradictory code to ensure soul crushing lag prevents future super capital fights in Null Sec. In fact your computer won't be able to run EVE Online any more; because its resource drivers for your video and sound card will actually be in conflict!

-Static resources will now be depleted with a fabric resource softener making asteroids that much more snugglie soft to mine!

-Lakeorini has experienced the "awful state of aged user experience," and besides their musty body odor and inability to safely drive cars, Lakeorini knows as an aged user how embarrassing incontinence can be. He will make it an industrial and corporate affair to make sure you get your adult brand diapers!

-Lakeorini has noted "There has been tons of changes some of which have ranged from superficial to merely cosmetic. There is a long list of forgotten issues..." Lakeorini would like to announce he just forgot that there was in fact a list of issues. Problem solved.

-Lakeorini wants to reshape null sec, so maybe for once an alliance "did want that SOV by the way."

- Holding large areas of unused SOV should be made something strategically and economically undesirable for any alliance. Lakeorini has already helped Raiden, TEST, White Noise, Nulli and others shed SOV they really didn't want anyway.

There is so much more, and he would really like to have you know him better. Which raises the question why I, his metatron, am writing this on his behalf. Well he has decided to not use forums, twitter, or facebook to run his campaign. He will answer all your questions. All you need to do is pray or have a HAM radio that reaches Bolivia.

Or just post in here I'm sure I can address your concerns with him between broadcasts, because he just does a copy paste of other radio shows out there anyway.
Angry Mustache
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#2 - 2014-04-01 05:12:28 UTC
0/10, not even the tiniest bit of effort put in, not to mention posted after the application deadline is already done.

An official Member of the Goonswarm Federation Complaints Department.

Jaun Pacht-Feng
Doomheim
#3 - 2014-04-01 09:46:22 UTC
At least he would be better then Riverini and mynnna.

"Go Goon or Go Home"

Perfect description of the biggest problem with Eve. 

ISD Ezwal
ISD Community Communications Liaisons
#4 - 2014-04-03 21:02:10 UTC
CareBear Killer Jones wrote:

I come before you with great tidings of joy! The chosen one has stepped forth to ascend to the golden throne of the CSM 9. I am his Metatron, who unlike lower Seraph angles is the only fit carry forth the divine message of the salvation of EVE! Who is this savior?
Good question, as he doesn't seem to exist.

Thread locked.

According to the CSM Campaigns Rules : All campaigns threads should be posted by the character that is campaigning.

ISD Ezwal Community Communication Liaisons (CCLs)