Intergalactic Summit

The crowd applauds and cheers excitedly, throwing flowers at the stage. Dancers bow out and Fred’s news desk rises up as props are cleared and the stage is cleaned. Fred tears off his Caldari military uniform and returns to his usual Gallente business dress

Thank you everyone! That was the first ever premiere of the new parody musical, Springtime for Tibus and Caldari. It’s a comical play about Heth’s rise and fall from power with some speculation about where he might be right this very moment! This was just the opening number so you can catch the rest of the play in theaters! I won’t be playing Tibus Heth in the actual musical, that my friends will be a mystery until their full premier!

Plot twist, it’s actually Tibus Heth! Haha oh if only. Anyway let’s take a gander at the news today!

So across the border in the State, the Caldari Navy is court marshalling Wing Commander Sami Okuuda. According to what we know, it seems the court marshall is for Okuuda’s failures during Operation: Highlander, the battle for Caldari Prime, and Operation: Spectre, the almost hilariously pathetic attempt at attacking pirate installations in low security and null security space. He was also a support of the Provist filth that brought the State to near ruin, though I can’t say for certain if he is a Provist himself.
So far, only an arrest has been carried out, so it is difficult to say anything with certainty. My bet is that he is somehow tied to the death of the deceased and honorable Admiral Visera Yanala. It’s a rather outdated practice to have military commanders arrested for failure on the battlefield. Most of the time they are just disgraced, demoted, and forgotten as a lower ranking officer in the military. This isn’t official, but if Okuuda simply screwed up his job as commander, I highly doubt he would be getting dragged to court. Then again, I am no expert on Caldari military law nor do we have all the facts. So I suggest waiting for more information before…

Fred looks toward the audience irritated and confused

...seriously guys? You’re already on Galnet acting like you know everything? Wow! Like, half of you are on your portable neocoms. Hey! You payed good ISK to be part of the audience, don’t go wasting it!

A handful of audience members put down their portable neocoms and regain focus. Many are still typing away.

Alright, since you lot are so interested in what’s being posted on Galnet right now how about we display some of your posts on the holoprojectors? Yes, I am allowed to do that. You should really read through those terms and conditions!

So first up is a post by Mikal Raynor.

The Galnet post appears on the holoprojector as Fred begins to read.

“I think that we should send the guys in green from the FDU to show those squids how to properly conduct a trial!”

Some members of the crowd begin chanting “F-D-U! F-D-U!” in unison

Oh come on, don’t chant that right now! This has to be one of the worst ideas about this topic I have ever...oh dear lod…

...this was written by Moonbeam Clovereyes. “Okuuda is kinda hot! I’d accept his docking request anytime! ;)” Well that’s just awkward for everyone here Ms. Clovereyes. And don’t worry my friends, she is about to make things more awkward because the post doesn’t end there. “If any big bad brutor boys want to play, send me a mail on Galnet <3”

Several Brutor pull out their portable neocoms and begin typing

Seriously? Come on, she’s clearly just a guy trying to troll you!

Before I regret reading Galnet posts even more, lets move onto some nullsec news! So experts believe that within the next few months, the map of nullsec from the CFC perspective will start looking a lot like this.Yes, this is a big blue donut discussion but don’t worry my friends, the building is up to fire safety code so if any Goons decided to start spitting out the flames, we’ll be safe!

Now despite what the Goonies will tell you, the CFC has truly created a blue donut in null space. Thier only major opposition of Test Alliance was defeated, and Nulli isn’t doing too hot either (keeping my fingers crossed though!). If nulli collapses, then apart from pirate strongholds, everything in null sec will belong to the CFC and their friends. So what happens then?

Capsuleers are fickle and impatient. If CFC achieves total domination, people will start splintering off and resisting if only for the sake of resisting. All it will take is one big split, and Nullsec will go back to it’s old Blue-Red donut self. Look at it this way. A former CFC alliance or an ally of CFC will decide for whatever reason to break away and start fighting their former comrades. Now I know what you’re all thinking. “But the CFC will just stomp them out!” Well I have an answer to that. You see, even though Test is down, they aren’t out. HBC alliances are either trying to rebuild or waiting for the right moment to strike back.

At the end of the day, timing will decide the future of nullsec. One group rises up, distracting the main combat forces of the CFC. Soon after, a previously defeated group is able to get a foothold in null again, simply because the forces needed to deal with these comeback crews are diverted elsewhere. If this happens, it will spell an end for the CFC. Probably not Goonswarm, but certainly the CFC. You want to know why?

It’s a sign of weakness.

I won't lie, I laughed hard enough that breathing became a challenge.

Ignorant gallentean filth!
I hope one day to see your head on a pike, so I can wave to it.

You didn't like the show? :( Well, what could I do to make it better?





Thank you very much Ms.Nairn!

Tibus Heth was a Prophet of God sent to lead the Caldari people to their true destiny — the Destiny of Faith — like the Khanid before them, they were to join the Reclaiming voluntarily, starting (in their case) with the Reclaiming of the Gallente.

That Tibus Heth may (or may not) have had flaws is irrelevant to his prophethood: Amash-Akura himself sinned against God by banishing the angels. But the people of his time gave Amash-Akura a chance to redeem himself; tragically, the wayward Caldari people gave Tibus Heth no such chance.

That Tibus Heth may not have preached the Amarrian religion is also irrelevant to his prophethood: like the Khanid before them, the Caldari were to be frontline soldiers for a faith they didn't necessarily understand. There is nothing wrong with that; the Scriptures glorify fighting on the side of God much more than thinking about God.

Sadly, Molok the Deceiver has led the Caldari people astray. And now the Gallente make blasphemous musicals against the Prophet Tibus Heth. O God, give us patience and strength to overcome these setbacks, and Reclaim the Gallente in your name. Amen. Amarr Victor.

This show idea sounds terrible and would bomb no doubt!

Fred, excellent show. My sides hurt from laughing so much! If Diana even attended the show, you should be amused that she paid you to watch it. Also yes! I invested in Roger Rainbows Sprinkles and love the turn around on the investment! Excellent suggestion.

This. Needs. To. Happen.

Honestly, I don't really feel like it right now. Not really in the self-genocidal mood, you know? Maybe another time though!



So if you don't have to be Amarrian, don't have to follow the faith, and have several faults and still be considered a prophet, then I guess any one can be a prophet then!

I am proud to annouce that I am the prophet FREDZEIA and I just had a vision from God! Yes, a vision I say! There were golden towers of light and purity, and living in those towers were...puppies! Oh so many puppies! And unicorns! And the gates to heaven were so big and powerful! There was a sign on it too. Do you want to know what it said?

"We reserve the right to refuse entry to senile zealots."

Awww, no heaven for you then Nauplius :( But don't worry old timer! By your definition of prophet, you too can be a prophet as well! I'm sure God will make a special exception for you!



Oh I better study up!

And thank you! Always glad to hear you enjoyed it!



To old Naupy's credit it might do well on Amarr Certified News! Though I'm sure even they would get tired of it after awhile.

I'm very happy to hear you enjoyed the show! I always suspected Ms. Kim might be one of the closet Frederals, but no matter, a viewer is a viewer. I'm glad the Rogers Rainbow Sprinkles deal is working out for you! I've hired some Caldari businessmen to give stock tips and it seems everyone is profiting from them!



The Book of Reclaiming would certainly be a hilarious musical! I might consider writing it one of these days. In the mean time, I highly suggest seeing Dano Gheinok: *SUPERSTAR* if you ever head to Caille, Villore, or Dodixie sometime in the near future.

This.

Then you don't really want to make it better.
Sad.