Out of Pod Experience

lol I didn't mean your schedule. I meant how frequently would you see a person you were dating. I'm trying to better understand what you mean by dating, it's still unclear to me.

does it have to be the same one? or can it be different people. cuz i'm thinking you can have that schedule easy, and you won't end up building expectations if it's different people. and yes i'm talking about outings that end properly. the only disagreement I have with the dating scenario is she's bound to catch feelings or you'll slip and say or do something that shows your considerate side (and that's all it takes, considering she's out with you regularly and assuming you have any redeeming qualities).

to date different people though, you'll probably have to talk with ten (at least) to find one who turns out to be ..compatible.. with your emotional outlook and what you're looking for. 10:1 or more, per week, is the rate you'll need to maintain, to keep the next week ...booked.

you'll make your time easier by becoming someone who they would want to talk with. once you've done that, most of the time you can catch them looking because they can't take their eyes off you. after that it's just a matter of being ready when that happens and taking action/starting conversation.

and I don't mean turn your life upside down, just be well put-together and show some signs of being ...socially valid/validated. (is he someone i wouldn't mind being seen with by my friends. being tall is a good one[I am not]).

the downside is... after a few outings she'll figure out you're not looking for anything serious, and will either bring up the topic of making it a regular thing (for assurance and probably some control over the situation), or drop off to see what you do.

there's a chance you'll find one who is really cool and is focused on a long term goal that doesn't include a relationship, but I haven't found that ever. maybe i'm not in the right social circles for it.

but when she stops calling you after you've gone 'all the way', it's basically her throwing down a challenge to see if you'll walk away forever or show interest by chasing her. this means the timer is up on 'casual' and you should let it drop off if you want to keep a clear conscience while seeing different people.

anyway, in a nutshell, i think that's what you're looking at for not-serious and on that schedule. I strongly suggest getting it out of your mind that you can have this with just one person, though. it gets messy because it would be mixing not-serious with serious... mostly because of the consistency and familiarity.

LOL, Socially validated, What does that mean?, i'm not being sarcastic either.


However I still have that brick wall of women closing them selves off from me, So how the hell do I approach them when they act standoffish\closing them selves off. Like I've tried approaching women at bars or in public places during the day, but they never show any kind of open body language, they away avoid eye contact, turn there backs to me or walk away as fast as possible. Like i have women sit next to me at bars, while they order drinks, i'll try to make eye contact to say hello, but they always turn there back and start showing closed off body language and avoid eye contact, and get out a fast of possible. This is the biggest issue I have.

And its not like I’m repulsive in appearance either.
http://imageshack.com/a/img36/3303/6y31.jpg
https://imageshack.com/i/1x4dldj

socially valid, like, an appearance that is socially acceptable and won't raise questions.

bad: black trench coat and matrix shades

good: khakis (no cargo pockets or pleats) and a hoodie, or collared shirt, polo-type shirt, etc.

about feeling shut out, that's normal. the dynamic of initiating conversation suggests the guy (the approacher) wants something, which implies he wants to take something. but that's just faulty logic and can't be helped.

you're more aggressive than I am with cold approaches, and I respect you for it. I try not to force it, and if I sense she's got more important things on her mind or just isn't in the mood, I tell her I like whatever it is that caught my attention. (something she did on purpose, like her hair or her outfit. "i like your _____")

I play it slow. there's no commitment in just saying hi and flashing a smile, and after doing that I leave the come-ons for the next time I see her. (if she's really cute i'll figure out where i need to be in order to run into her again)

but if I had to force an approach I would just open with a marriage proposal or something super out of the ordinary, and funny, and obviously not serious.

"will you marry me/have my babies/be my wife for a day?
...aww, c'mon, please?
...but you're so freaking cute.
...ok fine, but take me out this weekend."

I think you look great, dude. I think you could pull off these types of outfits without trying. I ditched my affliction/MMA graphic tees a few years ago, and I think you should too.

...but don't do the half-tucked-in thing like some of them have, that's just advertising attitude, and shouldn't be attempted in the real world.

Dude, some of these shirts are terrifying

Like this one, who the hell designed that?

I think there's a couple more pictures you uploaded, because I accidentally clicked on the second one and it showed me a couple more. Have you ever considered shaving your head? I think this would look clean and sharp. A dress shirt with some dark jeans and leather shoes could work for you. It's just my opinion..

In terms of personality, I think it's a tired metric that confidence is your best friend. Confidence helps, but I think it's human to be cautious when you're doing something challenging - I imagine it's challenging for you to walk up to a complete stranger and break the ice. I have confidence problems too professionally because I'm outnumbered by the number of guys who are my peers and elders. But I think what's bad is not believing at all in what you're doing.. the awkwardness, the lack of commitment to your actions.. I know that if I'm in front of everyone and I feel awkward, then I transfer that feeling to the others who are watching me. It's not something they can help because humans short circuit to each other and reflect each other's feelings.

Sometimes it helps just to anticipate that short circuit and call it out beforehand: "Hey guys, I've never done a presentation like this before and I'm feeling a bit nervous, so bear with me". Sometimes you just need to enjoy what you're doing just for the sake of enjoying it: "I give bad presentations. I'm fine with that. I can live with that."

I know that if I'm stuck and then internally I'm thinking "I'm doing this so I can get approval from you and if I don't get approval it will crush me" it will not turn out well. It's better not to do things to get something from people.

Anyway just some of my thoughts. I'm not sure how much my experiences at my job really applies. Maybe it will be useful for you.

/蘭

Don't be discouraged. Your looking for 1 not 1000.

Your strategy should be to find things that are interesting to you, but more importantly include increasing your circle of friends and associates.

Don't worry too much about how you look or trying to be perfect. Nobody is. Well except Super Models.

I was actually referring to body type, not them being models.. I like curvy\thick women, but not Obese women who call them selves curvy and thick.

As for shaving my head... I want to enjoy my hair while I still have it:p...

personally, I don't like the bald look 99% of the time. but that's just me. I've always found it somewhat strange that guys who are either bald naturally or shave the heads...tend towards being total ape beasts in regards to other body hair. lol.

i'd make a very bad Scandinavian.