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ELI5: What does this Alliance mail want me to do?

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Cat's Squirrel
Republic University
Minmatar Republic
#21 - 2014-01-11 10:26:39 UTC
Look, its very simple.The strategic fleet plan has been translated by the action plan to be both a strategic and fleet plan. Its all spelled out in the operating plan. I don't know why anyone would be confused by this! Roll
Aloe Cloveris
The Greater Goon
#22 - 2014-01-11 10:39:23 UTC
At the end of the day it's all about thinking outside the box and pushing the envelope with regards to future paradigms going forward. Probably some bullshit about synergy, too.

Gotta have that synergy.
flakeys
Doomheim
#23 - 2014-01-11 10:47:33 UTC
Cat's Squirrel wrote:
Look, its very simple.The strategic fleet plan has been translated by the action plan to be both a strategic and fleet plan. Its all spelled out in the operating plan. I don't know why anyone would be confused by this! Roll



To quote a famous warcriminal : i love it when a plan comes together Roll

We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.
Natassia Krasnoo
R3D SHIFT
#24 - 2014-01-11 10:55:51 UTC
After catching my breath from the side splitting laughter that mail generated it can only mean one thing.

If you ever plan to have fun in EVE online again you need to either....

A) get your corp the **** out of that alliance quickly.
B) get yourself out of that corp and alliance like yesterday.
C) send an alliance wide mail reminding that tool it's just a GAME and then get yourself/your corp out of that alliance.
D) stick around and just laugh at them all until they kick you out.

I personally would give that guy the finger on my way out the door for being such a pretentious **** sucker, then maybe pod him if I got the chance.
Yarda Black
The Black Redemption
#25 - 2014-01-11 11:38:38 UTC
I'd be very carefull if I were you. I'm concerned about the disclaimer. Since you didn't link it, I'm sure you got this covered, but I don't want to see you fired for something trivial.

When's your performance review?
Jaxon Grylls
Institute of Archaeology
#26 - 2014-01-11 11:51:47 UTC
The guilty parties should be named, both to ensure that the CEO gets the ridicule they deserve and as a warning never to go near that alliance.
Silvetica Dian
Imperial Shipment
Amarr Empire
#27 - 2014-01-11 14:13:41 UTC
Deunan Tenephais wrote:
Without awoxing, this mail is totally bureaucratic.

What is your alliance, the Chinese Communist Party ?

It reminds of a memorandum I once read about a fictive company called "Innovations for Innovated Inc".
It was a ponzi.


Looks like it could have been written by any management consultant or senior executive in any multinational.
oh wait you are saying that the command economies of china and multinationals are the same thing....gotcha.
well played.
also anyone who didn't +1 John's awox plan is doing it wrong.

Money at its root is a form of rationing. When the richest 85 people have as much wealth as the poorest 3.5 billion (50% of humanity) it is clear where the source of poverty is. http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jan/20/trickle-down-economics-broken-promise-richest-85
Xylem Viliana
homeless bum
#28 - 2014-01-11 14:16:18 UTC
Iria Ahrens wrote:
Bad girls get spanked.


Giggidy.

Now you are talking my language. Twisted
Mangala Solaris
Blue Republic
RvB - BLUE Republic
#29 - 2014-01-11 18:00:24 UTC
Jaxon Grylls wrote:
The guilty parties should be named, both to ensure that the CEO gets the ridicule they deserve and as a warning never to go near that alliance.


I second this motion.
Ramona McCandless
Silent Vale
LinkNet
#30 - 2014-01-11 18:09:13 UTC
This is has been generated by a random buzzword managerial-speak generator.

There are many online.

I would imagine its a joke.

"Yea, some dude came in and was normal for first couple months, so I gave him director." - Sean Dunaway

"A singular character could be hired to penetrate another corps space... using gorilla like tactics..." - Chane Morgann
Sentient Blade
Crisis Atmosphere
Coalition of the Unfortunate
#31 - 2014-01-11 18:37:39 UTC
This reminds me so very much of when I was in legio astartes arcanum, except it didn't include any links to 50 pages of rules and regulations posts on the forums.
Deunan Tenephais
#32 - 2014-01-11 18:45:12 UTC
Silvetica Dian wrote:
Looks like it could have been written by any management consultant or senior executive in any multinational.
oh wait you are saying that the command economies of china and multinationals are the same thing....gotcha.
well played.
also anyone who didn't +1 John's awox plan is doing it wrong.

What, communists and capitalists are not both crooks ?
Ideology = fraud
'nuff said.
Unsuccessful At Everything
The Troll Bridge
#33 - 2014-01-11 21:28:42 UTC
I received a very similar mail from corporate earlier this week....


Time to investigate some of the corporate higher-ups for Eve membership....

Since the cessation of their usefulness is imminent, may I appropriate your belongings?
Praetor Meles
Black Mount Industrial
Breakpoint.
#34 - 2014-01-11 22:03:05 UTC
Aloe Cloveris wrote:
At the end of the day it's all about thinking outside the box and pushing the envelope with regards to future paradigms going forward. Probably some bullshit about synergy, too.

Gotta have that synergy.


Don't forget to pick the low-hanging fruit.

[insert random rubbish that irritates you personally] is further evidence that Eve is dying/thriving*

  • delete as required to make your point
Dracvlad
Taishi Combine
Astral Alliance
#35 - 2014-01-11 22:08:42 UTC
Wow, I almost wet myself laughing at that mail!

When the going gets tough the Gankers get their CSM rep to change mechanics in their favour.

Blocked: Teckos Pech, Sonya Corvinus, baltec1, Shae Tadaruwa, Wander Prian, Daichi Yamato, Jonah Gravenstein, Merin Ryskin, Linus Gorp
Inxentas Ultramar
Ultramar Independent Contracting
#36 - 2014-01-13 12:51:40 UTC
At my previous job, this type of drivel was drummed up every quarter by my boss and a small team of management pricks.
Careby
#37 - 2014-01-13 13:20:59 UTC
Skill Training Online wrote:
"The strategic fleet plan has been developed..."
"Keep in mind fleet planning differs from strategic planning..."

Obviously the product of a superior intellect.
Samillian
Angry Mustellid
#38 - 2014-01-13 14:06:42 UTC
Classic middle management waffle, once your leadership starts sending you stuff like that you are very probably doomed.

1. Firesale or relocate to LowSec all unnecessary assets.
2. Prepare fallback position, time to talk to potential new corps.
3. Practice your duck and cover for when the brown and sticky accelerates towards the fan.

NBSI shall be the whole of the Law
Tebizla
#39 - 2014-01-13 14:35:24 UTC
Skill Training Online wrote:
Quote:
From: [DIRECTOR]
TO: [THE WHOLE ALLIANCE]
Subject: Compliance Statement

The strategic fleet plan has been developed, the initiatives identified have been translated into an action plan incorporating a set of defined objectives with precise expected results, due dates, priorities, and responsibilities.

Keep in mind fleet planning differs from strategic planning in its short-term horizon. Included is a list of projects that will be implemented in order of priority as well as projects that are in progress from prior operational plans. You have been provided specific, measurable goals, and general estimates of costs and benefits for completion.

Capital fleet expenditures must be identified and justified. Responsibility for achievement of the objectives, actions, and projects is also required for reimbursement. Action reports must include specific details, responsibilities, and date the project that moved in to the implementation stage.

Stay vigilant and compliant, once set in motion, our operational plan will naturally be less flexible than these strategic plans.

[HERE IS A LIST OF SYSTEMS] [ HERE IS A LIST OF TARGETS] [HERE IS THE SRP BUDGET]


So that EVEmail contains more buzzwords and confusion than I could possibly imagine... as a rank and file fleet attendee WTF Does any of this mean to me?

ELI5: Explain it to me like I was 5 years old =P


This alliance mails wants your eyes to bleed.

Obviously not a forum / spy / market alt ...
Maxpie
MUSE LLP
#40 - 2014-01-13 14:52:41 UTC
Clearly this is a joke. Not a very good one, but probably meant to generate a whole lot of 'wtf?!?!?!'.

If not, I think your director is in serious need of medication.

No good deed goes unpunished
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