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ELI5: What does this Alliance mail want me to do?

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Skill Training Online
Doomheim
#1 - 2014-01-11 04:20:01 UTC
Quote:
From: [DIRECTOR]
TO: [THE WHOLE ALLIANCE]
Subject: Compliance Statement

The strategic fleet plan has been developed, the initiatives identified have been translated into an action plan incorporating a set of defined objectives with precise expected results, due dates, priorities, and responsibilities.

Keep in mind fleet planning differs from strategic planning in its short-term horizon. Included is a list of projects that will be implemented in order of priority as well as projects that are in progress from prior operational plans. You have been provided specific, measurable goals, and general estimates of costs and benefits for completion.

Capital fleet expenditures must be identified and justified. Responsibility for achievement of the objectives, actions, and projects is also required for reimbursement. Action reports must include specific details, responsibilities, and date the project that moved in to the implementation stage.

Stay vigilant and compliant, once set in motion, our operational plan will naturally be less flexible than these strategic plans.

[HERE IS A LIST OF SYSTEMS] [ HERE IS A LIST OF TARGETS] [HERE IS THE SRP BUDGET]


So that EVEmail contains more buzzwords and confusion than I could possibly imagine... as a rank and file fleet attendee WTF Does any of this mean to me?

ELI5: Explain it to me like I was 5 years old =P

Thank You Obama!
Muestereate
Minions LLC
#2 - 2014-01-11 04:23:30 UTC
He wants to pay you a hundred grand a year to play?
John XIII
The Carnifex Corp
#3 - 2014-01-11 04:37:26 UTC
That alliance mail is telling you that the time for awoxing is now.

Between Ignorance and Wisdom
buyer Bedala
Doomheim
#4 - 2014-01-11 04:46:25 UTC
OP I will give you 50 million isk if you awox.
ShahFluffers
Ice Fire Warriors
#5 - 2014-01-11 05:06:29 UTC
It means you should file that TPF report ASAP.

How did you Veterans start?
Aiwha
School of Applied Knowledge
Caldari State
#6 - 2014-01-11 06:01:03 UTC
Stop losing ****, kill more ****.

Sanity is fun leaving the body.
Thead Enco
Domheimed
#7 - 2014-01-11 06:13:36 UTC
"Train Naglfars"
Iria Ahrens
Space Perverts and Forum Pirates
#8 - 2014-01-11 06:24:45 UTC  |  Edited by: Iria Ahrens
Skill Training Online wrote:
Responsibility for achievement of the objectives, actions, and projects is also required for reimbursement.


This is the only sentence that really matters to you as rank-and-file.

Here is the 5 year old explanation.

We have a plan! Follow the plan and you are a good girl. Don't follow the plan and you are a bad girl. Bad girls get spanked.

My choice of pronouns is based on your avatar. Even if I know what is behind the avatar.
Hesod Adee
Perkone
Caldari State
#9 - 2014-01-11 06:27:16 UTC
Iria Ahrens wrote:
Skill Training Online wrote:
Responsibility for achievement of the objectives, actions, and projects is also required for reimbursement.


This is the only sentence that really matters to you as rank-and-file.

Here is the 5 year old explanation.

We have a plan! Follow the plan and you are a good girl. Don't follow the plan and you are a bad girl. Bad girls get spanked.

Don't forget: If we didn't give you the resources to complete the goals we set, then you failed and will not be reimbursed.
Wrayeth
Inexorable Retribution
#10 - 2014-01-11 06:28:22 UTC
John XIII wrote:
That alliance mail is telling you that the time for awoxing is now.



This, utterly.

If I was in an alliance that got this...corporate...about my gameplay, I'd either bail or act to show them that it's a frickin' game, not a job.
Deunan Tenephais
#11 - 2014-01-11 06:35:46 UTC
Without awoxing, this mail is totally bureaucratic.

What is your alliance, the Chinese Communist Party ?

It reminds of a memorandum I once read about a fictive company called "Innovations for Innovated Inc".
It was a ponzi.
Milton Middleson
Rifterlings
#12 - 2014-01-11 06:37:41 UTC
ShahFluffers wrote:
It means you should file that TPF report ASAP.


Also, we're going to need you to log in on Saturday.
Nariya Kentaya
Ministry of War
Amarr Empire
#13 - 2014-01-11 06:41:09 UTC  |  Edited by: Nariya Kentaya
basically sounds like a "**** all of you, why do you have jobs or fantasies about playing EVE for fun, your supposed to let me have fun and your constant needs of food, sleep, and school/work is affecting my fun, stop it"


in short, find their supers, tackle them, and then get on your local PL/N3/RZR/SOLAR/Goons public and start screaming you have supers to kill.
Wrayeth
Inexorable Retribution
#14 - 2014-01-11 06:50:36 UTC
Iria Ahrens wrote:
Skill Training Online wrote:
Responsibility for achievement of the objectives, actions, and projects is also required for reimbursement.


This is the only sentence that really matters to you as rank-and-file.

Here is the 5 year old explanation.

We have a plan! Follow the plan and you are a good girl. Don't follow the plan and you are a bad girl. Bad girls get spanked.


I'm always bemused and mildly disgusted by business people who talk corpspeak to normal folks or even their low-level underlings as if they actually care about corporate buzzwords. I just want to shout, "News flash: none of us give a ****! Start talking like a human being!"
Iria Ahrens
Space Perverts and Forum Pirates
#15 - 2014-01-11 07:01:23 UTC
Ya. Talk normal. :)

I agree. But some Alliances either go Paramilitary or Super CEO and forget that this is a game and most of us play to get away from that kind of crap.

My choice of pronouns is based on your avatar. Even if I know what is behind the avatar.
Hesod Adee
Perkone
Caldari State
#16 - 2014-01-11 07:06:37 UTC
Why don't you hit reply all and ask for the English version of that email ?
ShahFluffers
Ice Fire Warriors
#17 - 2014-01-11 07:17:43 UTC
Milton Middleson wrote:
ShahFluffers wrote:
It means you should file that TPF report ASAP.


Also, we're going to need you to log in on Saturday.

http://youtu.be/WsBB93IqJkE

How did you Veterans start?
Jacob Holland
Weyland-Vulcan Industries
#18 - 2014-01-11 09:47:05 UTC
Wrayeth wrote:
I'm always bemused and mildly disgusted by business people who talk corpspeak to normal folks or even their low-level underlings as if they actually care about corporate buzzwords. I just want to shout, "News flash: none of us give a ****! Start talking like a human being!"

Corporate buzzwords, the entire mode of speech used by upper management in fact, is an exclusive language - it is designed to create bonds within the cadre and to exclude those outside the cadre from what is being discussed and, just like other exclusive languages (technical jargon, rhyming slang...etc), our brains rapidly become habituated to using it.
An inability to revert speech patterns when talking to the "lower orders" is quite common, in part because, like Newspeak, the language actually affects the way you think; switching languages is quite difficult in and of itself - even a native German speaker will often have difficulty finding their German if habituated to French (although not quite the same thing those relatively fluent in both languages often have difficulty in Switzerland).

When managers end up talking to "lower orders" in such a way it is generally a sign that they are spending too much time with other managers, this may be a result of recent immersion (some multi-day seminar or team-building exercise) or it may be indicative of a (perhaps) unhealthy detachment from the focus of their responsibilities, the coal face as it were.
Holgrak Blacksmith
Prophets of Motav
#19 - 2014-01-11 09:50:42 UTC
It's quite clearly telling you to contract me all your stuffs, then biomass yourself.
El 1974
Green Visstick High
#20 - 2014-01-11 09:55:31 UTC
"You have been provided specific, measurable goals"
If they didn't tell you specificly to do anything just sit back and relax.

The rest just says "look at me being very good at managing this alliance".
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