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Strapping palaquin-bearer sought! Details within!
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Ava Starfire
Khushakor Clan
#1 - 2014-01-07 15:06:58 UTC  |  Edited by: Ava Starfire
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE


7 January, YC 116: One fine young Amarrian male sought for immediate transfer to the palaquin-bearing crew of a Sebiestor noblewoman and Clan heir. Well-qualified candidates will be able to maintain body temperature while scantily clad in typical Mikramurkan temperatures; body oil will be provided for all. Individual must be of pure Amarrian stock, able to verify their bloodline for at least 9 generations (Just a number I plucked from thin air, really) and free of the inbreeding that can plague certain segments of Amarrian society. Ability to write the entire alphabet, Amarrian and Sebiestor, with their tongue, a virtual guarantee of employment. Noble lineage a plus.

Said individual will also perform secondary functions of Pot-scraper, Dog-walker, Opener of Jars with Stuck Lids, and Playmate for Bjorn the Blessed, so named because of his amazingly large... herd of sheep. All offers should be submitted, in EVE mail format with all appropriate documentation affixed, to the Late-Rise Clan office, Mikramurka, Matar.

Compensation will include all the cuddles Bjorn can provide, as well as an excellent healthcare package + dental, a pension fund set up with the 2nd Tribal Bank, and all the corn fritters you can eat. Free Skadi-slippers for every applicant!

I cannot wait to view the massive qualifications of applicants!

First Lady of the Fjords Avlynkaa Tarkja, Light of Mikramurka and Defender of the Rights of Defilement, Nommer of Zippies, and heir to the Herring-Throne of Murtja Maki's Herring-Fleet

EDIT! Must not forget! Back rubs given (and expected of) that applicant who is "justright"!

"There is no strength in numbers; have no such misconception." -Jayka Vofur, "Warfare in the North"
Denak Calamari
Incorruptibles
#2 - 2014-01-07 15:08:26 UTC
Uhh, what?
Anatole Madullier
Alexylva Paradox
#3 - 2014-01-07 15:16:53 UTC
I volunteer to be a tribute... no wait isn't it insanely cold there?

ॐ
Ava Starfire
Khushakor Clan
#4 - 2014-01-07 15:21:42 UTC
Anatole Madullier wrote:
I volunteer to be a tribute... no wait isn't it insanely cold there?


In summer, our temperatures climb into the teens, with days of 20 or higher not uncommon.

In winter, place a negative sign in front of those same numbers. See?

Nice narrow temperature range!

"There is no strength in numbers; have no such misconception." -Jayka Vofur, "Warfare in the North"
5ilent 5hift
Amped.
Goonswarm Federation
#5 - 2014-01-07 15:24:58 UTC
Can I pretend to be young enough to be eligable so I can claim my pair of Skadi-slippers? I've always thought they look rather comfortable, and wearing boots all the time does get rather tiresome...
Anatole Madullier
Alexylva Paradox
#6 - 2014-01-07 15:25:18 UTC
Ava Starfire wrote:
Anatole Madullier wrote:
I volunteer to be a tribute... no wait isn't it insanely cold there?


In summer, our temperatures climb into the teens, with days of 20 or higher not uncommon.

In winter, place a negative sign in front of those same numbers. See?

Nice narrow temperature range!


That makes it easy to remember! And how scantily clad are we talking about? I look pretty okay in a miniskirt.

ॐ
Constantin Baracca
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#7 - 2014-01-07 15:37:58 UTC
How young are we talking? Late thirties? Early forties?

"What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?"

-Matthew 16:26
Ava Starfire
Khushakor Clan
#8 - 2014-01-07 15:58:51 UTC
Constantin Baracca wrote:
How young are we talking? Late thirties? Early forties?


Young by Amarrian standards. I'd say physical condition near-peak, so, 50 or younger?

"There is no strength in numbers; have no such misconception." -Jayka Vofur, "Warfare in the North"
Ava Starfire
Khushakor Clan
#9 - 2014-01-07 15:59:41 UTC
Anatole Madullier wrote:
Ava Starfire wrote:
Anatole Madullier wrote:
I volunteer to be a tribute... no wait isn't it insanely cold there?


In summer, our temperatures climb into the teens, with days of 20 or higher not uncommon.

In winter, place a negative sign in front of those same numbers. See?

Nice narrow temperature range!


That makes it easy to remember! And how scantily clad are we talking about? I look pretty okay in a miniskirt.


You are not Amarrian, regrettably!

However, send pictures of yourself in said miniskirt just the same...

"There is no strength in numbers; have no such misconception." -Jayka Vofur, "Warfare in the North"
Ava Starfire
Khushakor Clan
#10 - 2014-01-07 16:00:37 UTC
5ilent 5hift wrote:
Can I pretend to be young enough to be eligable so I can claim my pair of Skadi-slippers? I've always thought they look rather comfortable, and wearing boots all the time does get rather tiresome...


Pics.

Send me pics.

We will talk.

Something pleated, perhaps.

"There is no strength in numbers; have no such misconception." -Jayka Vofur, "Warfare in the North"
Lukas Matellis
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#11 - 2014-01-07 16:17:33 UTC
Capsuleers volunteering? Gives a whole new meaning to "blue standings!"
Lasairiona Raske
Itsukame-Zainou Hyperspatial Inquiries Ltd.
Arataka Research Consortium
#12 - 2014-01-07 16:17:40 UTC
*giggles, falls off chair*

Are you a devil or an angel

Sent here from heaven or from hell?

Sweet temptress, I'm wrapped in your tangles

Can't find my way out of your spell
Karmilla Strife
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#13 - 2014-01-07 16:30:58 UTC
You know, I have a brother.
Ava Starfire
Khushakor Clan
#14 - 2014-01-07 16:33:07 UTC
Karmilla Strife wrote:
You know, I have a brother.


I'm listening.

"There is no strength in numbers; have no such misconception." -Jayka Vofur, "Warfare in the North"
Synthetic Cultist
Church of The Crimson Saviour
#15 - 2014-01-07 16:52:58 UTC
Attention

Synthia 1, Empress of Kaztropol.

It is Written.
Lucas Raholan
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
#16 - 2014-01-07 18:16:53 UTC
All of my what,

Shitposts so bad CONCORD gave me a 50 billion ISK bounty
Steffanie Saissore
Tyrathlion Interstellar
#17 - 2014-01-07 18:17:56 UTC
Hmm, and here I was about to volunteer a couple of Civire...well, I do hope you find the right applicant for your palanquin needs...not to mention Bjorn does seem a little forlorn at the moment and in need of companionship.

We travel in the dark of the new moon,

A starry highway traced on the map of the sky
Eran Mintor
Metropolis Commercial Consortium
#18 - 2014-01-07 18:38:48 UTC
Might I suggest expanding your search to include females?

-Eran
Tabor Murn
Republic Military School
Minmatar Republic
#19 - 2014-01-07 19:36:44 UTC
Help! Help! I'm being replaced!
Steffanie Saissore
Tyrathlion Interstellar
#20 - 2014-01-07 19:41:22 UTC
Tabor Murn wrote:
Help! Help! I'm being replaced!

I would more view it as a slow transitioning to a life of comfort and luxury.

We travel in the dark of the new moon,

A starry highway traced on the map of the sky
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