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Social Anxiety
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Victoria Sin
Doomheim
#1 - 2013-12-09 14:30:34 UTC
I have something called "social anxiety disorder". Before PhD (Psyc) got involved, it used to be called "shyness". These days however, anything that prevents someone having the personality of a talking head on daytime TV is officially a "disorder" and needs treatment.

Anyway because of this I find TS/Vent and so on quite difficult. I use it and listen but rarely talk. People don't like lurkers all that much do they (Spae!). It's very hard to get people to understand this though, especially as it doesn't imply I don't like teamwork or hanging out (I do, just with text chat).

Anyone else have this kind of problem? How do you overcome it in Eve?
Khergit Deserters
Crom's Angels
#2 - 2013-12-09 15:00:17 UTC  |  Edited by: Khergit Deserters
I used to be shy on voice comms too, and I still don't talk that much. I'm definitely not a voice comms extrovert who rambles on about ship fits, game news, the barbecue I went to, etc. But I hit the mike key once in a while to laugh at people's jokes. (But only if they're actually funny. Bad joking must not be rewarded, it only encourages more of the same!)

And I call out intel when I see it, and I think it's worth sharing. That and an occasional genuine laugh seem to be enough to let people know I'm not a lurker, just not a talker.
Krixtal Icefluxor
INLAND EMPIRE Galactic
#3 - 2013-12-09 15:14:32 UTC
Just enjoy what you do and how you do it. If they don't like it, that's their problem.

I myself have been withdrawing from a lot I used to be involved in, and to an outsider, I may appear to be socially phobic or agoraphobic, but none of that is the case at all. I'm one of those who is happy being the center of attention or entertaining myself. It makes me no difference.

My reasons are numerous but essentially boils down to: everybody is out for something from you in some way shape or form, and absolutely nobody can be trusted. Not exactly positive, I know. But I'd rather protect myself and be happy than fall prey to others selfishness. This came after a long period of rather rough lessons.

Beyond an attitude change throughout all of society, this is probably going to be my modus operandi from here on out.

Welcome to the club (after a fashion).

"He has mounted his hind-legs, and blown crass vapidities through the bowel of his neck."  - Ambrose Bierce on Oscar Wilde's Lecture in San Francisco 1882
Mudkest
Contagious Goat Labs
#4 - 2013-12-09 15:49:04 UTC
It's the pharmaceutical industry. If people are normal theye dont take pills. If theye are not normal then theye take pills to be normal. Problem is, there is no "normal", there is only "human nature" though I am loathe to call it human nature as some of the worst aspects of humanity is also evident in animals. Sadism/cruelty just for the fun of it? Look at cats. assaulting/killing someone because theye are not part of your group? Chimps are known to do that. Interspecies sexual encounters, I am looking at you flipper.

"My kid is not listening and is running aorund crazy, drug him!" "I can't focus on studying for hours on end, gimme drugs" "I am not happy all the time like you see on tv, gimme happy pills"


You claim you have social anxiety disorder, did you get diagnosed by a psychiatrist? Did he describe you pills for it? Without those pills can you leave your house to do groceries or go to work or go to school?
Victoria Sin
Doomheim
#5 - 2013-12-09 15:56:28 UTC
Mudkest wrote:
though I am loathe to call it human nature as some of the worst aspects of humanity is also evident in animals.


Nature is indifferent to suffering, it's true. Humans are unique in the animal kingdom for being able to transcend it. At least some of the time.
Khergit Deserters
Crom's Angels
#6 - 2013-12-09 17:05:06 UTC  |  Edited by: Khergit Deserters
Mudkest wrote:
It's the pharmaceutical industry. If people are normal theye dont take pills. If theye are not normal then theye take pills to be normal. Problem is, there is no "normal", there is only "human nature" though I am loathe to call it human nature as some of the worst aspects of humanity is also evident in animals. Sadism/cruelty just for the fun of it? Look at cats. assaulting/killing someone because theye are not part of your group? Chimps are known to do that. Interspecies sexual encounters, I am looking at you flipper.

"My kid is not listening and is running aorund crazy, drug him!" "I can't focus on studying for hours on end, gimme drugs" "I am not happy all the time like you see on tv, gimme happy pills"


You claim you have social anxiety disorder, did you get diagnosed by a psychiatrist? Did he describe you pills for it? Without those pills can you leave your house to do groceries or go to work or go to school?

^ It's true. Maybe it's not people that are "abnormal," but modern life that is abnormal. In the U.S. at least, it's as if the standard for being "normal" is having the personality of a stereotypical sales manager: energetic, extroverted, socially confident, and able to do non-manual office work for hours on end without losing attention or becoming hyper. Not everybody is made that way-- praise Bob! Smile

By the way, I'm glad that Jesus's and the Buddha's parents didn't have meds to give them. Those kids might have both ended up as sales managers, advertising executives, fitness trainers, phone sanitizers, etc. (though maybe depressed ones).
Eurydia Vespasian
Storm Hunters
#7 - 2013-12-09 17:09:21 UTC
I haven't used comms since I got a new computer. Simply haven't set them up. Not really in rush to either. In no hurry to return to demands for nudes and offers of ****.
Ishtanchuk Fazmarai
#8 - 2013-12-09 17:24:04 UTC  |  Edited by: Ishtanchuk Fazmarai
Khergit Deserters wrote:
Mudkest wrote:
It's the pharmaceutical industry. If people are normal theye dont take pills. If theye are not normal then theye take pills to be normal. Problem is, there is no "normal", there is only "human nature" though I am loathe to call it human nature as some of the worst aspects of humanity is also evident in animals. Sadism/cruelty just for the fun of it? Look at cats. assaulting/killing someone because theye are not part of your group? Chimps are known to do that. Interspecies sexual encounters, I am looking at you flipper.

"My kid is not listening and is running aorund crazy, drug him!" "I can't focus on studying for hours on end, gimme drugs" "I am not happy all the time like you see on tv, gimme happy pills"


You claim you have social anxiety disorder, did you get diagnosed by a psychiatrist? Did he describe you pills for it? Without those pills can you leave your house to do groceries or go to work or go to school?

^ It's true. Maybe it's not people that are "abnormal," but modern life that is abnormal. In the U.S. at least, it's as if the standard for being "normal" is having the personality of a stereotypical sales manager: energetic, extroverted, socially confident, and able to do non-manual office work for hours on end without losing attention or becoming hyper. Not everybody is made that way-- praise Bob! Smile

By the way, I'm glad that Jesus's and the Buddha's parents didn't have meds to give them. Those kids might have both ended up as sales managers, advertising executives, fitness trainers, phone sanitizers, etc. (though maybe depressed ones).


Well, I for one, just demand my right to be mentally ill. My brain can't produce enough serotonin and that tops with a high IQ and wrong childhood experiences, so I've become very proficent in being depressed and live with it. I've had to earn hard every inch of my very limited abbility to function, specially because at one point I was given the chance to take pills or don't and i refused to take them. After lengthy therapy, my disease became bearable 99% of the time, and when it is not, i just bite the bullet and wait until it goes away. And it always goes way, something that can't claim the secondary effects of medication (habituation and serotonin crashes upon stopping included).

I am fully aware that I am pretty "stupid" to live the way i live and pay a hefty price for it, but then... it is MY life. Feeling in control of it, even if it is a freakish trainwreck, is what matters to me. I'd rather do the wrong thing for the right reason, than start doing the right thing if I don't want to.

Roses are red / Violets are blue / I am an Alpha / And so it's you
Matokin Lemant
#9 - 2013-12-09 17:29:52 UTC
Victoria Sin wrote:
I have something called "social anxiety disorder". Before PhD (Psyc) got involved, it used to be called "shyness". These days however, anything that prevents someone having the personality of a talking head on daytime TV is officially a "disorder" and needs treatment.

Anyway because of this I find TS/Vent and so on quite difficult. I use it and listen but rarely talk. People don't like lurkers all that much do they (Spae!). It's very hard to get people to understand this though, especially as it doesn't imply I don't like teamwork or hanging out (I do, just with text chat).

Anyone else have this kind of problem? How do you overcome it in Eve?



Yes I do and if anyone dont have it they dont know how debilitating social anxiety disorder can be but I dont mind talking in TS/Vent.

I find it much harder to deal with people in person or to go some place where there is a large crowd of people like a busy store/mall or even a party/social gathering. And if I am in the situation long enough I will end up having a full on panic attack Ugh The name that my psyc put on it is "social anxiety agoraphobia disorder" Its just another form of what has become a broad spectrum social anxiety disorder.

This web site has helped me with allot of my questions and things http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/ Maybe it can help you as well.

And you have to remember most corps/alliance in eve simply require you to be on coms...not many care if you talk or not so long as you can listen to the FC and things like that.

Good luck dealing with your anxiety if you ever need to talk to somone with a similar issue feel free to fire me an eve mail Smile
Matokin Lemant
#10 - 2013-12-09 17:36:15 UTC
Ishtanchuk Fazmarai wrote:
Khergit Deserters wrote:
Mudkest wrote:
It's the pharmaceutical industry. If people are normal theye dont take pills. If theye are not normal then theye take pills to be normal. Problem is, there is no "normal", there is only "human nature" though I am loathe to call it human nature as some of the worst aspects of humanity is also evident in animals. Sadism/cruelty just for the fun of it? Look at cats. assaulting/killing someone because theye are not part of your group? Chimps are known to do that. Interspecies sexual encounters, I am looking at you flipper.

"My kid is not listening and is running aorund crazy, drug him!" "I can't focus on studying for hours on end, gimme drugs" "I am not happy all the time like you see on tv, gimme happy pills"


You claim you have social anxiety disorder, did you get diagnosed by a psychiatrist? Did he describe you pills for it? Without those pills can you leave your house to do groceries or go to work or go to school?

^ It's true. Maybe it's not people that are "abnormal," but modern life that is abnormal. In the U.S. at least, it's as if the standard for being "normal" is having the personality of a stereotypical sales manager: energetic, extroverted, socially confident, and able to do non-manual office work for hours on end without losing attention or becoming hyper. Not everybody is made that way-- praise Bob! Smile

By the way, I'm glad that Jesus's and the Buddha's parents didn't have meds to give them. Those kids might have both ended up as sales managers, advertising executives, fitness trainers, phone sanitizers, etc. (though maybe depressed ones).


Well, I for one, just demand my right to be mentally ill. My brain can't produce enough serotonin and that tops with a high IQ and wrong childhood experiences, so I've become very proficent in being depressed and live with it. I've had to earn hard every inch of my very limited abbility to function, specially because at one point I was given the chance to take pills or don't and i refused to take them. After lengthy therapy, my disease became bearable 99% of the time, and when it is not, i just bite the bullet and wait until it goes away. And it always goes way, something that can't claim the secondary effects of medication (habituation and serotonin crashes upon stopping included).

I am fully aware that I am pretty "stupid" to live the way i live and pay a hefty price for it, but then... it is MY life. Feeling in control of it, even if it is a freakish trainwreck, is what matters to me. I'd rather do the wrong thing for the right reason, than start doing the right thing if I don't want to.


I know your against taking pills and things but you can buy natural serotonin supplements...well you can in Canada anyway

And for that matter your not stupid for living your life the way YOU want to...if you happy with things the why they are then as far as I am consigned there is no reason to change things up. Its YOUR life to live and no one elses.

"Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. " - Charles R. Swindoll
Mudkest
Contagious Goat Labs
#11 - 2013-12-09 19:57:07 UTC  |  Edited by: Mudkest
Matokin Lemant wrote:
Yes I do and if anyone dont have it they dont know how debilitating social anxiety disorder can be but I dont mind talking in TS/Vent.

I find it much harder to deal with people in person or to go some place where there is a large crowd of people like a busy store/mall or even a party/social gathering. And if I am in the situation long enough I will end up having a full on panic attack Ugh The name that my psyc put on it is "social anxiety agoraphobia disorder" Its just another form of what has become a broad spectrum social anxiety disorder.


this is something I can understand being called a disorder, as it makes it a lot harder, or can even stop you completly from functioning in day to day life. And if there are pills that can make it easier for you to deal with it, make you able to at least go out and do groceries when its calm at the mall where you wouldnt be able to even without the pills, then I agree those pills are good(hmm that sounds pretty lame, being put like that, but you get what I mean right?)


It's the first line in this topic that gets me riled up
Quote:
I have something called "social anxiety disorder". Before PhD (Psyc) got involved, it used to be called "shyness". These days however, anything that prevents someone having the personality of a talking head on daytime TV is officially a "disorder" and needs treatment.

Being shy doesnt stop you from functioning normaly. yes it can be annoying and even frustrating at times, but labeling it as a disorder, to me that implies there is something wrong with you that needs to be fixed.

if a doctor would say that homosexuality is a mental disorder that needs to be treated then that will spark a very lively debate, but at the same time it is allright for him to call a whole lot of other personalty traits and preferences a disorder that needs to be treated. we all agree that people are different and there is nothign wrong with that, yet at the same time more and more traits are labeled as disorders. I mean how many kids are on rittalin these days for acting the same way that would get them kicked outside to run off that energy 20 years ago?
Bischopt
Sebiestor Tribe
Minmatar Republic
#12 - 2013-12-09 20:09:16 UTC
I've never used voice comms in Eve. A major part of the reason being I'm a finn and almost everybody else speaks english as their first language, making me and my accent stand out. I don't like doing things in public because I'm afraid I'll make mistakes and and people will think badly of me. That sort of thing. Whether this is shyness or something more, I don't know.

I'm also heavily introverted so I really don't crave the extra social interaction you get by being on voice comms. Doesn't mean I don't like people, just means that I'd rather have my own peace and quiet than be expected to talk constantly.

I have also been diagnosed with depression when I was 9 or 10 years old. Got some magic pills and "got better". Been suffering from depression to some extent ever since but it's something that I can manage. I don't share it with others, I haven't been to a psychiatrist / psychologist since I was a child and I just deal with it somehow. It's doable, in my case at least.

The main problem I have with drugs is that they affect your brain. You are your brain and messing with the chemistry effectively changes who you are. So if somebody came up to me and offered me pills that can quarantee I'll never be depressed again, I'd probably say no.

Having said all this I want to mention that currently I'm doing alright. I've got my problems (just like everybody else) but they're not controlling my life. I'm not happy but I'm not particularly unhappy either. Generally.
Kairavi Mrithyakara
#13 - 2013-12-09 20:19:17 UTC
Victoria Sin wrote:
Anyone else have this kind of problem? How do you overcome it in Eve?


Asperger here. Some anxiety issues, coupled with depression, but that was a decade ago. Medication didn't help.

Lucky so much of EVE involves text chat, really.
Tollen Gallen
Glory of Reprisal Enterprise
#14 - 2013-12-09 20:52:38 UTC
Nothing wrong with being Shy....


Sad ppl have to label anything they dont understand as a disorder.




I like Cake.

Zimmy Zeta - I f*cking love martinis. the original ones, with gin, not that vodka martini crap. Your old Friends can use me for 7 days, free!!!
Xercodo
Cruor Angelicus
#15 - 2013-12-09 21:14:14 UTC  |  Edited by: Xercodo
Eurydia Vespasian wrote:
I haven't used comms since I got a new computer. Simply haven't set them up. Not really in rush to either. In no hurry to return to demands for nudes and offers of ****.


Depends on where you go, I would hope the tutors guys were better than that, if not I'm sure one of us can smack them around a bit.

As for myself I think I have this too, however I've grown out to be able to speak pretty freely in voice chats now.

Still iffy on most social RL interactions, I'm finally able to order something at a fast food place or ask for help at a store without having an internal panic attack any more.

Personally, I say just go out and try it with someone you trust, let them help you get it to feel as natural as text chat.

An besides, typing takes too much work, once I got over it I actually prefer voice now if I have to explain anything complex :3

The Drake is a Lie
Eurydia Vespasian
Storm Hunters
#16 - 2013-12-09 23:33:56 UTC
Xercodo wrote:
Eurydia Vespasian wrote:
I haven't used comms since I got a new computer. Simply haven't set them up. Not really in rush to either. In no hurry to return to demands for nudes and offers of ****.


Depends on where you go, I would hope the tutors guys were better than that, if not I'm sure one of us can smack them around a bit.


I wasn't thinking mainly of tutors. however, when spart was there it could get a little weird. and freshness gets...well...fresh lol. but mostly they are good people in that channel.
Slade Trillgon
Brutor Force Federated
#17 - 2013-12-09 23:40:16 UTC
Khergit Deserters wrote:
but modern life that is abnormal.


DIng Ding Ding.

We are supposed to have to work hard, as in toil in the dirt, gather our food...., just to exist. Current 'life' is the polar opposite for a majority of those that live in the industrialized world.


You would think that with all the technology that makes our lives' soooo simple that we would have figured out how to slow down and actually enjoy life. But no; we continue to chase the economic 'dream' instead of trying to find out who we are as individuals and how we fit into our local community.




Well, at least in my opinion.
Khergit Deserters
Crom's Angels
#18 - 2013-12-10 17:58:36 UTC
Bischopt wrote:
I've never used voice comms in Eve. A major part of the reason being I'm a finn and almost everybody else speaks english as their first language, making me and my accent stand out.

I wouldn't worry about having an accent, mate. A lot of people on comms don't speak English as their first language. They have accents and don't say things with perfect grammar, but nobody cares. They understand that people from all around the world play EVE. And among the native English speakers, you have all kinds of accents: Scottish, Australian, hillbilly, whatever. In the end, nobody knows how to properly pronounce "Sleipnir," "Oneiros," "Rydinnjorn" or "Audaerne" anyway. Smile
Victoria Sin
Doomheim
#19 - 2013-12-10 18:51:51 UTC
Slade Trillgon wrote:
Khergit Deserters wrote:
but modern life that is abnormal.


DIng Ding Ding.

You would think that with all the technology that makes our lives' soooo simple that we would have figured out how to slow down and actually enjoy life. But no; we continue to chase the economic 'dream' instead of trying to find out who we are as individuals and how we fit into our local community.


Although most of us have never had to survive the other kind of world, where you'd generally die of your dentition at 26 or an infection in childhood, or starvation, or cold, or come to think of it any of the other selection pressures that over time have made us what we are today. I'm pretty sure the trouble here is too much leisure time not too little. We have time to sit down and wonder what it's all about.
Slade Trillgon
Brutor Force Federated
#20 - 2013-12-10 19:11:28 UTC  |  Edited by: Slade Trillgon
Victoria Sin wrote:
Slade Trillgon wrote:
Khergit Deserters wrote:
but modern life that is abnormal.


DIng Ding Ding.

You would think that with all the technology that makes our lives' soooo simple that we would have figured out how to slow down and actually enjoy life. But no; we continue to chase the economic 'dream' instead of trying to find out who we are as individuals and how we fit into our local community.


Although most of us have never had to survive the other kind of world, where you'd generally die of your dentition at 26 or an infection in childhood, or starvation, or cold, or come to think of it any of the other selection pressures that over time have made us what we are today. I'm pretty sure the trouble here is too much leisure time not too little. We have time to sit down and wonder what it's all about.



Your analyses is somewhat correct. But I will point out that there are many anthropologist that claim evidence that there was more down time for civilizations in the more fruitful areas of the world then ever expected. That being said, most indigenous peoples in the worlds history had significant time for recreation; hence why music and dance proceeded speech...imo

But, yes many people, in today's world, sit around and do nothing since things are so easy. The problem is they do not contemplate their place in society, as their place is not really required for day to day survival, so they remove themselves from the equation.

That being said the polar opposite is very well represented in the industrialized world as well. The presence of fathers that work 80 hours a week, while sacrificing the time to enjoy their family, so they can afford all the luxuries; while the mother totes all the kids around in a mad dash to get 3 kids to 5 different activities on a day to day basis, is as blatantly apparent to me as is the massive number of lazy obese people are. The fact is that things are too 'easy' yet more 'complicated' where as in the past things were more 'complicated' yet 'simple'.
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