Issues, Workarounds & Localization

So, here's the deal, I've been getting this message:

http://i.imgur.com/bnxQXqF.png

My connection is solid, it's something else. It's been giving me that for a couple of days now when I try to use the desktop icon. However, prior to today, I could use eve.exe and it would verify the client and all that jazz and everything was fine. Today, on the other hand, is a different story. I've tried a bunch of stuff and been looking around the interwebs for solutions, but to no avail. The computer in question runs window 8. Not sure if that matters or not, but my alternate computer that has windows 7 runs everything just fine and patches perfectly every time. I've even uninstalled/reinstalled. No dice.

Some dude posted this (http://uptobox.com/2nygev25255l) to work around getting the patch from the launcher, but I'm not even sure that's my issue. I can't even validate. Not that I know what to do with that file anyway. It could be the answer to all my life's concerns for all I know. No clue how to use it.

Help me forums... you're my only hope... (hologram fade out)