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EVE Jokes

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Reaver Glitterstim
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#1 - 2013-12-02 08:46:20 UTC
time to do it again. This time lets try to keep the jokes relevant to EVE, not so much of the Earth jokes redecorated for EVE eh?

I'll start:
What's the difference between an Amarrian and a Blood Raider?

One is a bloodthirsty hypocrite dedicated to nihilism, worshiping a font of eternal youth, killing in the name of a child-killing, slaver devil-god. The other's a Blood Raider.

(I didn't make that one up)

FT Diomedes: "Reaver, sometimes I wonder what you are thinking when you sit down to post."

Frostys Virpio: "We have to give it to him that he does put more effort than the vast majority in his idea but damn does it sometime come out of nowhere."
Debora Tsung
Perkone
Caldari State
#2 - 2013-12-02 08:55:50 UTC
Phoenix.

Stupidity should be a bannable offense.

Fighting back is more fun than not.

Sticky: AFK Cloaking Thread It's not pretty, but it's there.
Ramona McCandless
Silent Vale
LinkNet
#3 - 2013-12-02 08:55:51 UTC  |  Edited by: Ramona McCandless
Reaver Glitterstim wrote:
time to do it again. This time lets try to keep the jokes relevant to EVE, not so much of the Earth jokes redecorated for EVE eh?

I'll start:
What's the difference between an Amarrian and a Blood Raider?

One is a bloodthirsty hypocrite dedicated to nihilism, worshiping a font of eternal youth, killing in the name of a child-killing, slaver devil-god. The other's a Blood Raider.

(I didn't make that one up)


I want the above on a t-shirt

DEATH TO THE FALSE GOD

HAIL THE COLOUR OF THE TAINTED CLARET THAT RUNS TRUE

"Yea, some dude came in and was normal for first couple months, so I gave him director." - Sean Dunaway

"A singular character could be hired to penetrate another corps space... using gorilla like tactics..." - Chane Morgann
Anomaly One
Doomheim
#4 - 2013-12-02 08:58:26 UTC  |  Edited by: Anomaly One
I got nothin

Never forget. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8sfaN8zT8E http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5l_ZjVyRxx4 Trust me, I'm an Anomaly. DUST 514 FOR PC
Reaver Glitterstim
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#5 - 2013-12-02 09:09:23 UTC
Phoenix at a stargate in lowsec getting popped by a Raven.

FT Diomedes: "Reaver, sometimes I wonder what you are thinking when you sit down to post."

Frostys Virpio: "We have to give it to him that he does put more effort than the vast majority in his idea but damn does it sometime come out of nowhere."
Starbuck05
Abiding Ormolus
#6 - 2013-12-02 10:17:37 UTC
Droping a blops gang on a frig then saying gf in local? Not a joke..but funny still...


Otherwise,i got nothing...

Just because i am blond does not make me stoopid !
Jove Death
Garoun Investment Bank
Gallente Federation
#7 - 2013-12-02 10:23:29 UTC
I got this mail

So, you're Jovian? I haven't seen many, but you don't look like one...
'm suspicious now...
perhaps you're planning to infiltrate the empires and
secretly replace everyone with a Jovian. After all, the cloning and capsules were your tech originally.

Or maybe... you already have and I'm the last non-Jovian person left in New Eden!

Dunno about you but I lmfaoBig smile

Quoting "you will die" in EvE is fail Chars dont die in EvE. Unless you have a heart attack eek.
ACE McFACE
Federal Navy Academy
Gallente Federation
#8 - 2013-12-02 11:54:06 UTC
Debora Tsung wrote:
Phoenix.

I am now in hospital after my sides literally split.

Now, more than ever, we need a dislike button.
Giuseppe R Raimondo
Aliastra
Gallente Federation
#9 - 2013-12-02 12:01:39 UTC  |  Edited by: Giuseppe R Raimondo
-Yo mama is so fat that 1400 can hit here when moving
-Yo mama is so fat you need a HIC to stop here.



(Dont mind grammer, writing from a phone)
Signal11th
#10 - 2013-12-02 12:05:21 UTC
Yo mama so fat she has to be cyno'ed into the kitchen.

God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!" I came fifth and won a toaster!
Debora Tsung
Perkone
Caldari State
#11 - 2013-12-02 12:18:05 UTC  |  Edited by: Debora Tsung
Signal11th wrote:
Yo mama so fat she has to be cyno'ed into the kitchen.


Your signature is quite hilarious.

I'd refrain from Yo moma jokes unless they end with "[...] then I'd be your dad!"

Stupidity should be a bannable offense.

Fighting back is more fun than not.

Sticky: AFK Cloaking Thread It's not pretty, but it's there.
Treborr MintingtonJr
S.N.O.T
S.N.O.T.
#12 - 2013-12-02 12:38:21 UTC
Which caldari battleship is a non-stop party bus to Ibiza?

Rave-en

Cool
Ptraci
3 R Corporation
#13 - 2013-12-02 14:30:46 UTC
Someone actually bought my Phoenix.
NEONOVUS
Mindstar Technology
Goonswarm Federation
#14 - 2013-12-02 14:47:22 UTC
Naked Ammatar man tells the local paladin he loves crash and needs more crash.
Just now
You have to appreciate a man who knows what he likes. In the case of a certain enthusiastic man from Riramia IV, that would be crash. How do we know this? Because the 21-year-old told paladins that he "loved crash and needed more crash." In fact, he told them many times. He also scampered naked through a habitation complex, attempted to get in a ground car with a woman and her child, donned pajamas, got on the hood of a patrol car, dove head-first into an officer, tried to flee, was hit with a PEP twice, removed the pajamas and was arrested. Per the arrest report, "Statements from the defendant were not possible as he would only state he loved crash and needed more crash. From this we gather that the man is seeking help for his condition.” The local Theology Council has reported that the man will be given a full detox and additional aid through this trying time. Meanwhile, anonymous sources report that an orbital bombardment of the man’s district has been ordered for their failure to uphold the principles outlined in the Scriptures. Their failure to aid a man in such need of distress points to a laxity that must not be allowed to spread.
Sebastor Cane
The Outlet
#15 - 2013-12-02 15:06:49 UTC
1. Man goes to the doctor and says "my life is worthless. I have no friends and i'm an unkissed virgin and i never leave the house"
The doctor looks over the mans notes and says "leave nullsec and only play casually and all of your problems will be solved"
Inquisitor Ageri
Doomheim
#16 - 2013-12-02 15:20:47 UTC
I got one...

Why did the TQ server require an emergency shutdown today?

...Because it wasn't cap stable!
Lol

*sigh
Jarod Garamonde
Federal Navy Academy
Gallente Federation
#17 - 2013-12-02 15:22:27 UTC  |  Edited by: Jarod Garamonde
(n/m..... someone already beat me to the punch.)

That moment when you realize the crazy lady with all the cats was right...

    [#savethelance]
Treborr MintingtonJr
S.N.O.T
S.N.O.T.
#18 - 2013-12-02 15:23:59 UTC
Man - Doctor doctor I think I'm a Phoenix!

Doctor - Well you've made a Dread-ful mistake
Bloody Slave
Republic Military School
Minmatar Republic
#19 - 2013-12-02 15:30:47 UTC
Inquisitor Ageri wrote:
I got one...

Why did the TQ server require an emergency shutdown today?

...Because it wasn't cap stable!
Lol

*sigh


LMAO, and I was expecting you to tell them to biomass on the end.Blink

If your balls are hurt and bleeding don't sit in a pool full of piranhas (note to myself: don't complain in GD)
Jasmin Natinde
24th Imperial Crusade
Amarr Empire
#20 - 2013-12-02 15:55:34 UTC
A newb in his Rifter joins his new nullsec alliance on his first ever op. Everyone else is in blinged out T3s and T2s, a dozen guys ready to rock. "Just sit back and watch the show" they tell him.

First they go three jumps to a neighbouring system, and meet a gang of similar size. FC yells out orders, everything works like clockwork, the enemy all get blown up with no losses - the newb is suitably impressed.
Then they go 10 jumps further. They jump into a bubble camp, the overview all read. FC rallies his troops, they make good use of ECM and all that and after a while the reds are all dead, and only one guy loses his ship. "Wow these guys are great".

That one guy reships, and they go 20 jumps further deep into enemy territory. They get a few kills along the way but finally they get hotdropped, quite a few capitals and a couple of titans on top. All seems lost, but the FC descovers a freaking new game mechanic just in time, distracts the enemy with pictures of ladies in local, and generally uses his machiavellian skills until there's 5 of them left on the field, amid a pile of capital wrecks.
"Holy freaking space, you guys are the best"
"We know" the pros say, smugly.

Time to head home. 30 uneventful jumps later they're one jump from home and ready to call it a day. Suddenly the newb spots one lone guy in local and he's barely older than he is. "Come on guys let's get him, i can fight this one too !"
Complete silence. Then a moment later he sees 2 of his mate's ships self-destruct, 1 ship abandoned by it's owner, the FC flying in panic to a safespot.
"Man, how good must this guy be if he can scare a bunch of pros like my buds !".

Finally he hears the FCs terrified whipser on vent.. "run man, run.. it's an AFK CLOAKER".
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