Crime & Punishment

You're at war. You need information. Time is limited. Don't you hate that? You have soldiers that want blood. You may have an employer that wants results. You wanna throw some lasers around. You want RESULTS. But dangit...you need information!

Enter.....This Guy.

What I'm offering is my service as an advanced forward recon consultant. I'm not an elite PvPer. I'm not going to go out and find targets and lock them down for you. That's your job. You don't need to hire me to do your job. I'm an analyst.

Get that?
I'm an analyst.

You need to know about your targets. What assets do they have? What travel patterns do they take?
My job is to gether these details for you. Through careful use of covert tactics and an unassuming "Fly casual" attitude, I can observe the actions of various people or points of interest, gathering useful information to assist you in your endeavors. How much more effective would your mercenaries be if they could stop your target from accessing the Customs Office on his secret PI operation five jumps away? How much happier would your corpmates be if you blew up the mission boat of the best friend of the guy who awoxed your corp last Wednesday?

Now there are a few things to take note of. First off, you can do all of this yourself. You're smart and savvy. You don't need me to tell you that. Chances are you're a grizzled veteran fighter, and you're looking at this post, looking me up, and laughing because I'm a nobody. But guess what...SCREW YOU! Time is money. The more time you spend doing lame recon is less time you have to do other things, things that are MUCH more important for a grizzled veteran fighter to be doing. This is grunt work stuff. Leave it to us grunts, hmm?

Note number The Second One: I'm just starting. You don't know me. I don't know you. I'm nobody. I have no reputation. For all you know I could be scamming you. "Give me isk so I can go fly halfway across the universe to be a glorified video camera to survey your targets for you, lols. Oh by the way, I know a guy who can double your isk for you no problem for a flat fee huehuehue." Yeah. I get it. We play EVE. Derp.

For the time being, I'm going to offer my services for free. Send me an EVE Mail with the job you need me to do. I will offer no charge for my work. If you are satisfied with my performance, all I ask you to vouch for me as I seek to establish myself as a reliable analyst.

For those of you who simply wish to browse: TL;DR as follows...
I'm not your bubble finder. I'm not your gate jumper. I'm not the guy who lights a cyno for you or the guy who locates someone for you. I'm the guy who stalks your victim and finds out how they eat, sleep, and breathe, so you can slip it at the right time and poison their food, slash their pillows, and fart in their bathroom.

You had me thinking of the Alec Baldwin character in Glengarry Glen Ross until you wrote 'derp.'

Nice pitch though.

I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of any alternative accounts or characters invovled in this work of mine.

Could be interesting.... give me a call when you have the time.....

This guy is the real deal.

Within three days of hiring him, I had enough intel to take a dump on The Mittani's desk, wipe out Black Legion's supercapital fleet, and know when CCP Seagull would be lighting a cyno into Polaris.