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Sermon: Gallente and the Capacitor Battery of Wrath

Author
Nauplius
Hoi Andrapodistai
#1 - 2013-10-31 02:02:44 UTC
The Wrath of God does wax large against the Gallente.

The Hanging Long-Limb does not willingly yield her Roes to the whims of hoity-toity Gallentean chefs; like the fedo prodded into the fedo fighting arena to satisfy a Gallentean crowd's bloodlust, she groans under such abuse so contrary to the bestowed purpose for which God created her. The sun does not willingly light Gallentean sinners the way to the unspeakable perversions of the Caduceus. Outer space weeps as rounded, amorphous Gallentean ships and stations representative of the female body travel through it; nor does it willingly suffer the Gallente Pleasure Hubs that service the lusts so aroused.

Some think the Wrath of God like a Quad Light Beam laser — quick to fire and with little effect — and having sinned and seen no visible sign of God's anger after a time they think themselves secure. But the Wrath of God is like a great Capacitor Battery now charged to overflowing with the sins of the Gallente, and only the hand of God himself prevents the Capacitor Battery of Wrath from discharging upon the Gallente like a billion Tachyon Beam Laser IIs, for as it pleased God to let Molok the Deceiver sunder the world for a little while that God's glory might be better made manifest when Molok was finally sacrificed on the altar of God, so God does let the Gallente defile His creation for a time so that in the final destruction of the Gallente His glory shall be revealed to all the universe.

And you, O Empyrean Gallente, all your supposed power and immortality is before God as a Hobgoblin before an Avatar. There is no contrivance, no super-deep safe spot by which you might escape the Wrath of God. In a moment you shall fall into the instalocking gatecamp of ten thousand Legions that are God's Avenging Angels, and no Warp Core Stabilizer will save you. And God shall cast you into the Pit, into Abaddon, and there you shall learn the true meaning of immortality, as for millions of years you shall suffer a torment to which the famous punishment of Aritcio Kor-Azor is a mere pinprick by comparison, and thus having suffered, all that punishment will be but a speck of the infinite punishment that remains for you.

But there is yet hope for some Gallente. For God has saved a Chosen People, the Amarr Empire, the first before God, and in service to this Empire you might, as the Scriptures say, prove yourselves worthy of God's love. There are at this moment Gallente in the holy Amarr Militia serving God in this fashion. Others have so fully charged the Capacitor Battery of Wrath that only nine generations in that holy custom God has provided for the remission of sins — slavery — should suffice, but fear not, collars and Vitoc will break the most Gallentean of free wills and have you kneeling before God.

Amen. Amarr Victor.

Anabella Rella
Gradient
Electus Matari
#2 - 2013-10-31 04:07:40 UTC
I think you went a tad overboard on the analogies there, pilot. Then again, you overly pious types are about as subtle as a bull in a Crystal Boulevard fine glassware shop.

Credit where it's due, however. On the overworked and overwrought analogy scale I give your missive a 7.5/10. Cool

When the world is running down, you make the best of what's still around.

Alizabeth Vea
Doomheim
#3 - 2013-10-31 04:45:21 UTC
I am going to critique purely on writing style and not comment on the content.

  • Too many words.
  • Too many analogies.
  • Grammatical errors.


I would suggest a homiletics course, a formal writing course, and a public speaking course.

Retainer of Lady Newelle and House Sarum.

"Those who step into the light shall be redeemed, the sins of their past cleansed, so that they may know salvation." -Empress Jamyl Sarum I

Virtue. Valor. Victory.

Rioghal Morgan
Pixel Navigators
AimogMart
#4 - 2013-10-31 05:36:05 UTC  |  Edited by: Rioghal Morgan
The Capacitor Battery of Wrath can not stand against the Nosferatu of Liberalism. Your Adaptive Nano Membranes of Zealotry will give way before our Blasters of Progress.


...


amidoinitrite
Pieter Tuulinen
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#5 - 2013-10-31 06:22:07 UTC
That story needs more detail on how the modernisation of the golden fleet is coming along, because right now I don't see how he gets the collars and the Vitoc onto the Gallenteans without breaking the Cluster's largest military power with a Navy that simply isn't on the same level.

For the first time since I started the conversation, he looks me dead in the eye. In his gaze are steel jackhammers, quiet vengeance, a hundred thousand orbital bombs frozen in still life.

Andreus Ixiris
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#6 - 2013-10-31 09:30:10 UTC
Nauplius is representative of the average Amarrian capsuleer - very angry about everything, but with nothing of merit to say and no power to do anything about it. Which of course just makes him more angry, so he spouts meaningless and baseless gibberish like this thread to make himself feel better, but it never works, because all he does is get mocked for his trouble, on account of him apparently being unable to understand that people won't take him seriously if he talks this way.

He's kind of like a furrier that you accidentally stepped on - except unlike a furrier, you don't feel any guilt about continuing to step on him.

Andreus Ixiris > A Civire without a chin is barely a Civire at all.

Pieter Tuulinen > He'd be Civirely disadvantaged, Andreus.

Andreus Ixiris > ...

Andreus Ixiris > This is why we're at war.

Nauplius
Hoi Andrapodistai
#7 - 2013-10-31 13:20:00 UTC
Rioghal Morgan wrote:
The Capacitor Battery of Wrath can not stand against the Nosferatu of Liberalism. Your Adaptive Nano Membranes of Zealotry will give way before our Blasters of Progress.


...


amidoinitrite


God is EWAR immune, His capacitor cannot be drained, He is not limited to eight Ancillary Armor Repairers; nay, even to eighty thousand Ancillary Armor Repairers, and His Almighty Cargo Hold shall never lack for Nanite Paste.

He can put Tachyon Beam Laser IIs on everything without fitting problems; His Tracking Computers always hit, and every one of His hits is wrecking.

All of you need to serve the Amarr Empire and be saved.
Andreus Ixiris
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#8 - 2013-10-31 13:20:39 UTC
Oh, right.

He's just a troll.

That makes more sense.

Andreus Ixiris > A Civire without a chin is barely a Civire at all.

Pieter Tuulinen > He'd be Civirely disadvantaged, Andreus.

Andreus Ixiris > ...

Andreus Ixiris > This is why we're at war.

Caellach Marellus
Stormcrows
#9 - 2013-10-31 16:09:33 UTC
God is a fabricated story, one to capture the hearts and minds of the masses through stories that instil obedience through fear.

The might of the Federation's media and ability to mass produce tripe-quality drama series and low budget action holoflicks will overcome in the battle of entertainment and fiction.


Your God will drown in the sea of terrible rom-coms, his corpse devoured by the great chat show host sharks that swim it's murky, sleazy, trash filled depths.

When your gut instincts tell you something is wrong, trust them. When your heart tells you something is right, ignore it, check with your brain first. Accept nothing, challenge everything.

Kaid Hayden
Seven Stars Search and Rescue
#10 - 2013-10-31 16:20:11 UTC
I don't think I get it. Can you write a version with littler words please?
Valerie Valate
Church of The Crimson Saviour
#11 - 2013-10-31 17:38:20 UTC
hey! Metaphors are our thing!

Doctor V. Valate, Professor of Archaeology at Kaztropolis Imperial University.

Nauplius
Hoi Andrapodistai
#12 - 2013-10-31 18:20:00 UTC  |  Edited by: Nauplius
Kaid Hayden wrote:
I don't think I get it. Can you write a version with littler words please?


Because I am not a troll but a preacher, one who may suffer to answer the commoner's inquiries in his own language without regard to the posting standards of some Gallentean elitist guardian of IGS decorum (especially when I am posting on a thread I started myself):

1. The Gallente are very, very, very, very bad.
2. God punishes bad people.
3. It takes God a long time to punish some bad people. When that happens, the punishment is very big.
4. No one can fight or escape God's punishment.
5. The punishment for Gallente pilots will be very painful and very long.
6. Obey the Amarr Empire and maybe God won't punish you and your children so much.
Isis Dea
Society of Adrift Hope
#13 - 2013-10-31 18:29:57 UTC
God does not command your ships. You do.

And you can be neuted, EWARed, and slaughtered.

The problem with your faith is it is but a man who translates it. Who are you to claim God's will?

Even the faithful path you claim to be set by God for His faithful in earning His favor is technically also translated by mere mortals.

You're nothing; a laughingstock more than a man.

More Character Customization :: Especially compared to what we had in 2003...

Anabella Rella
Gradient
Electus Matari
#14 - 2013-10-31 18:33:31 UTC  |  Edited by: Anabella Rella
Nauplius wrote:


...All of you need to serve the Amarr Empire and be saved.


I'd love to serve the empire... with a rich au poivre sauce over wild rice. That would save us all from more of your vile writing.

Also, you left out point 7: There is no magical man in the sky who's all knowing and all powerful so, points 1-6 are moot.

When the world is running down, you make the best of what's still around.

Indira Harashani
Tyrathlion Interstellar
#15 - 2013-10-31 18:48:12 UTC
Yet another example of a thread that serves only to show why I prefer to avoid preaching or proselytizing in public forums.

It is an act of wasted breath when pushed upon those whose ears have no desire to listen, or upon those whose idea of comedy is to act like a bunch of tittering schoolchildren attempting to find lewd ways to interpret everything an adult says because they can't be bothered to listen to the lesson.

Lady Indira Harashani

Holder of the Kheryskova Archipelago, Kihtaled IV

Evi Polevhia
Phoenix Naval Operations
Phoenix Naval Systems
#16 - 2013-10-31 18:50:27 UTC
Nauplius wrote:
Kaid Hayden wrote:
I don't think I get it. Can you write a version with littler words please?


Because I am not a troll but a preacher, one who may suffer to answer the commoner's inquiries in his own language without regard to the posting standards of some Gallentean elitist guardian of IGS decorum (especially when I am posting on a thread I started myself):

1. The Gallente are very, very, very, very bad.
2. God punishes bad people.
3. It takes God a long time to punish some bad people. When that happens, the punishment is very big.
4. No one can fight or escape God's punishment.
5. The punishment for Gallente pilots will be very painful and very long.
6. Obey the Amarr Empire and maybe God won't punish you and your children so much.


Ladies and gentlemen of the Summit, I think we found Diana Kim's future husband.
Anslo
Scope Works
#17 - 2013-10-31 18:53:21 UTC  |  Edited by: Anslo
I see your capacitor battery of wrath and raise you two Nosferatu's of Ridicule, one ECM of Disregard, and a rack of Get Laid Guns II.

EDIT: and a flight of GET DUNK'D II light drones.

[center]-_For the Proveldtariat_/-[/center]

Andreus Ixiris
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#18 - 2013-10-31 18:58:04 UTC  |  Edited by: Andreus Ixiris
Indira Harashani wrote:
Yet another example of a thread that serves only to show why I prefer to avoid preaching or proselytizing in public forums.

It is an act of wasted breath when pushed upon those whose ears have no desire to listen, or upon those whose idea of comedy is to act like a bunch of tittering schoolchildren attempting to find lewd ways to interpret everything an adult says because they can't be bothered to listen to the lesson.

Actually, this thread is an illustration of how poor "insult an entire nation profusely, make an entirely unverifiable claim that the universe itself hates them and then arrogantly demand that everyone in that nation adopt your mindset, abandon their technological and cultural distinctiveness and subject themselves to humiliating abuse or else" is as a diplomatic tactic. Nauplius isn't sermonizing, he's just yelling angrily at people and then getting even angrier when they don't listen to him. Either that, or he's saying these things in full knowledge that they're couched in such a manner as to cause people to disregard them, which is what we call "trolling."

Say what you will about Amarrians, but at least the capsuleer who went by the name "Archbishop" actually understood how to preach. Obviously, he was preaching the Amarrian religion, so what he said largely had no more validity than Nauplius' disjointed stream of calumnies, but at least he understood how to make a theological point without having to constantly belittle the people he was trying to reach out to.

If Nauplius does indeed fit the modern Amarrian ideal of sermonizing, it's no wonder your religion is struggling to stay relevant.

Andreus Ixiris > A Civire without a chin is barely a Civire at all.

Pieter Tuulinen > He'd be Civirely disadvantaged, Andreus.

Andreus Ixiris > ...

Andreus Ixiris > This is why we're at war.

Nauplius
Hoi Andrapodistai
#19 - 2013-11-01 00:52:23 UTC
Andreus Ixiris wrote:

Say what you will about Amarrians, but at least the capsuleer who went by the name "Archbishop" actually understood how to preach. Obviously, he was preaching the Amarrian religion, so what he said largely had no more validity than Nauplius' disjointed stream of calumnies, but at least he understood how to make a theological point without having to constantly belittle the people he was trying to reach out to.


Was the Archbishop not nobility? If so, then of course his sermons were better than mine; they were better almost by definition.

Do the Gallente not understand hard preaching? I suppose not. Let me explain.

On another thread, people were discussing the vast slave markets of the Khanid Kingdom, where hundreds of thousands of slaves might be available for sale at any time. Such markets are not, as some suggest, squalor. But nor are they...refined. They teem.

The street preachers of the Khanid slave markets preach hard. The barely reedeemed, early generation Minmatar man-brute would not much understand, say, the liberal theologian's latest allegorical interpretation of the Scriptures that make the Reclaiming into hugs and kisses for everyone. What he does understand is fear. And wrath. And the plain language of the Scriptures meaning just what a common person would think they mean. And yes, slaves are brought to God in this way.

And so too, perhaps, may wicked Gallente pilots be brought to God in this way. For you are even further from God than the most brutish of slaves.


Fredfredbug4
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#20 - 2013-11-01 00:58:00 UTC
I'm pretty sure there was a low budget horror holoreel with the same title. Expect your mailbox filled with copyright lawsuits soon.

Watch_ Fred Fred Frederation_ and stop [u]cryptozoologist[/u]! Fight against the brutal genocide of fictional creatures across New Eden! Is that a metaphor? Probably not, but the fru-fru- people will sure love it!

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