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Rubbish Jokes
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Ishtanchuk Fazmarai
#101 - 2013-07-25 20:17:15 UTC
What looks exactly like half a cheese?

The other half of the cheese.

Roses are red / Violets are blue / I am an Alpha / And so it's you
Trin Xi
#102 - 2013-07-25 22:04:29 UTC
A Spaniard walks into a bar and demands free drinks.
The bartender says, "Well, I wasn't expecting that."
The Spaniard replies, "No one expects the Spanish Imposition!"

Post with someone else's main™.
Cynter DeVries
Spheroidal Projections
#103 - 2013-07-27 21:04:08 UTC  |  Edited by: Cynter DeVries
I would steal these and post them here but there are just too many: https://twitter.com/BadJokeCat

Samples:

I went to the zoo and saw a piece of toast in a cage. A sign read: "Bread in captivity."

I miss my umbilical cord, I grew attached to it.

Ugh, you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend any more.

Cynter's Law of feature suggestion: Thou shalt not suggest NPCs do something players could do instead.
Ishtanchuk Fazmarai
#104 - 2013-07-27 22:13:39 UTC
Cynter DeVries wrote:
I would steal these and post them here but there are just too many: https://twitter.com/BadJokeCat

Samples:

I went to the zoo and saw a piece of toast in a cage. A sign read: "Bread in captivity."

I miss my umbilical cord, I grew attached to it.

Ugh, you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend any more.


--> I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep. Lol

(Maybe it's too good to be here, actually)

Roses are red / Violets are blue / I am an Alpha / And so it's you
Rainus Max
Fusion Enterprises Ltd
Pandemic Horde
#105 - 2013-07-28 11:14:59 UTC
Why can't you have a 12 inch nose?


Because it would be a foot.
Cynter DeVries
Spheroidal Projections
#106 - 2013-07-31 03:59:18 UTC  |  Edited by: Cynter DeVries
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. (still from that Twitter link)

Cynter's Law of feature suggestion: Thou shalt not suggest NPCs do something players could do instead.
Cynter DeVries
Spheroidal Projections
#107 - 2013-07-31 04:02:44 UTC
According to the TV show 'Embarrassing Bodies', a coffee enema is an effective cure for constipation.

I can confirm this is true; however, I'm no longer welcome in Starbucks.

Cynter's Law of feature suggestion: Thou shalt not suggest NPCs do something players could do instead.
Cynter DeVries
Spheroidal Projections
#108 - 2013-07-31 04:15:16 UTC
The "Curiosity" rover has found no signs of football, beer or p_rn, destroying the theory that men are from Mars.

Cynter's Law of feature suggestion: Thou shalt not suggest NPCs do something players could do instead.
Khergit Deserters
Crom's Angels
#109 - 2013-08-01 20:08:23 UTC  |  Edited by: Khergit Deserters
A guy's girlfriend forced him to come to dinner at her parents' house. The guy's sitting at the table with the girlfriend and the whole family, pretty nervous. Everybody's there-- the family dog is even lying under the table. Mom says, "Here, try some of my special baked beans." Guy thinks, Oh crap, I can't eat beans. They give me instantaneous gas. But mom says, "Go ahead, it's my grandmother's recipe-- this dish is a family tradition!" The guy can't see anyway out of it, so he has some.

Sure enough, he instantly has a gas buildup that has to be released right away. There's no way around it. He discretely passes a little. A smell envelopes the table. Dad looks up from his dish and yells at the dog, "Spot, get out from under there!" Guy thinks, Whew, he thinks it's the dog! I might be safe! So he passes a little bigger amount of gas. Dad yells, "Spot, get out from under there!" Guy thinks, I'm safe! I'm going to make it through this dinner after all! So he passes the last of the gas, the biggest amount yet. Dad yells, "Come on Spot, get out from under there-- before he poops on you!"
Cynter DeVries
Spheroidal Projections
#110 - 2013-08-05 23:00:54 UTC
Indahmawar Fazmarai wrote:
What does a guy sliding downhill on a flaming piano?

Dunno, hang me if I know.

Suggested correction:

What do you call a guy rolling downhill on a flaming piano?
An ambulance.

Cynter's Law of feature suggestion: Thou shalt not suggest NPCs do something players could do instead.
Pepper Swift
Perkone
Caldari State
#111 - 2013-08-06 04:16:18 UTC
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

What I need most.. is a day between Saturday and Sunday...

If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic
Ishtanchuk Fazmarai
#112 - 2013-08-06 06:31:50 UTC
Pepper Swift wrote:
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.


Mmmkay, 5 times later, I've got it. Here, have a cookie rubbish image.

Roses are red / Violets are blue / I am an Alpha / And so it's you
Pepper Swift
Perkone
Caldari State
#113 - 2013-08-06 08:12:57 UTC
Ishtanchuk Fazmarai wrote:
Pepper Swift wrote:
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.


Mmmkay, 5 times later, I've got it. Here, have a cookie rubbish image.


AHA.. looks like that joke fit the post to a Tee... it was great rubbish joke indeed.

What I need most.. is a day between Saturday and Sunday...

If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic
Faenir Antollare
For Ever And Ever
#114 - 2013-08-06 11:23:07 UTC
Chelsea FC are to announce that the signing of Wayne Rooney is imminent, Colleen spent the whole of last night agreeing personal terms with John Terry and again this morning......................

RiP BooBoo 26/7/1971 - 23/7/2014 My Lady My Love My Life My Wife
Mr Paperclip
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#115 - 2013-08-06 15:08:55 UTC
Q. What does a pokemon do when your in the shower?

A. Pika-chu


Q. How do you get 100 Pikachu's on a bus?

A. Pokem-on


He shoots he scores and the crowd goes wild "WAHOO, YER, AMAZING, we love you Mr Paperclip thingy who clearly has an eating disorder otherwise you wouldn't be so skinny!!!" Yarr

(Cheers slowly fading out after a month of celebrating)
Gary Goat
XDC-UK
#116 - 2013-08-06 15:16:06 UTC
A friend of mine drowned at sea so we had his coffin shaped as a life boat.

Its what he would have wanted.
Khergit Deserters
Crom's Angels
#117 - 2013-08-06 17:15:11 UTC  |  Edited by: Khergit Deserters
Guy: I hope I die in my sleep like my dad did.
Guy 2: That's nice that he died peacefully.
Guy: Oh, it wasn't that peaceful. He was an airline pilot and there were a lot of passengers screaming.

P.S. In an academic study of humor, this is the joke that made the most Scottish people laugh. True fact.
Faenir Antollare
For Ever And Ever
#118 - 2013-08-06 18:40:12 UTC
That's really bad yet I lol'd Oops



Old n Gold

How do you make a snooker table laugh ?

Put your hands in it's pocket and tickle it's balls..

RiP BooBoo 26/7/1971 - 23/7/2014 My Lady My Love My Life My Wife
Cynter DeVries
Spheroidal Projections
#119 - 2013-08-06 22:37:25 UTC  |  Edited by: Cynter DeVries
Who leads the pep rallies in heaven?
The cheerubs


What happened when the knight had his legs cut off?
He was de-feet-ed.

Cynter's Law of feature suggestion: Thou shalt not suggest NPCs do something players could do instead.
Cynter DeVries
Spheroidal Projections
#120 - 2013-08-06 22:55:19 UTC
Which fish repeats phrases over and over again?

A mantra ray.

Cynter's Law of feature suggestion: Thou shalt not suggest NPCs do something players could do instead.