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Funniest Noob Questions Ever heard

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DauntlessK
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#1 - 2013-06-18 21:59:53 UTC
I am looking for a good laugh. What are some of the funniest noob questions (real or not real) you've ever heard?

aka the classic "my ship just exploded and I'm an egg now, did i just level up?"
"Why have I been approaching the gate for hours and still 60 au away?"
amin Kion
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#2 - 2013-06-18 22:07:50 UTC
Rolllooking for a laugh at someone elses expense,is what you meant to say.
DauntlessK
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#3 - 2013-06-18 22:10:06 UTC
amin Kion wrote:
Rolllooking for a laugh at someone elses expense,is what you meant to say.


Yes. Exactly that. That is what the majority of EVE encompasses isn't it?
Vortexo VonBrenner
Doomheim
#4 - 2013-06-18 22:14:28 UTC
DauntlessK
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#5 - 2013-06-18 22:21:50 UTC
Vortexo VonBrenner wrote:
Were you ever a new player OP?


*Sigh* I'll answer your deliberately leading question. Yes a long time ago. I'm sure I asked my fair share of them. So what? Don't know why it has to be taken personally. No one is making fun of them, I'm laughing at the question asked. I don't know why people have to get defensive because some questions happen to be funny. That doesn't make the question stupid because it is funny for one reason or another, they obviously want to know something. I'm sure everyone has laughed at there share of failfits involving hull repps or whatever, is there a difference?
Ruze
Next Stage Initiative
#6 - 2013-06-18 22:25:11 UTC
Seriously:

How do I save my game?

If you're driven to threaten others with harm or violence because of what they do in game, you can't separate fantasy from reality. That "griefer/thief" is probably more sane than you are. How screwed up is that?
Gallowmere Rorschach
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#7 - 2013-06-18 22:26:33 UTC
/sigh Start a thread for fun, gets turned into self-righteous attempts at guilt tripping.

Best one I've seen so far OP, during an op, the FC called for everyone to align to the sun when someone in comms says "dude, where's the f*cking sun? I don't see it in my overview."
Vrenth
Federal Navy Academy
Gallente Federation
#8 - 2013-06-18 23:59:38 UTC
I just did the math on this. In a interceptor flying at 10km/s, you would arrive at that gate in 76 years. Who wants to break it to him.
Gallowmere Rorschach
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#9 - 2013-06-19 00:03:09 UTC
Vrenth wrote:
I just did the math on this. In a interceptor flying at 10km/s, you would arrive at that gate in 76 years. Who wants to break it to him.

That's not counting for daily downtime, or extended downtime for patches either. Every little bit counts when you are slowboating across a solar system.
Doc Fury
Furious Enterprises
#10 - 2013-06-19 00:03:50 UTC
"Is there a skill for taming NPCs?"

followed by:

"Why not?"



☼

There's a million angry citizens looking down their tubes..at me.
Liam Inkuras
Furnace
Thermodynamics
#11 - 2013-06-19 01:17:47 UTC
"My ship just blew up, how do I get it back?"

Then:

"What do you mean I'm not given my ship back?!?!?!"

I wear my goggles at night.

Any spelling/grammatical errors come complimentary with my typing on a phone
Vortexo VonBrenner
Doomheim
#12 - 2013-06-19 02:30:25 UTC
OP. I thought you were wanting to make fun of new players. I was wrong. I a....ap...ap...apologise. (*whew*)

EvE security zones in pictures

EvE quick reference pdf

EvE links
DauntlessK
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#13 - 2013-06-19 02:39:06 UTC
Vortexo VonBrenner wrote:
OP. I thought you were wanting to make fun of new players. I was wrong. I a....ap...ap...apologise. (*whew*)


Its alright. Actually I enjoy helping new players out. But they say the darndest things sometimes.
Hevymetal
POT Corp
#14 - 2013-06-19 02:56:34 UTC
Can anyone here in local help me out with a mission?
(While being asked in a .4 system)
ShahFluffers
Ice Fire Warriors
#15 - 2013-06-19 03:37:27 UTC
Back when Titans had their old Area of Effect doomsdays...

*I jump into system with fleet*
FC: Alright everyone... set up the camp here at (null-sec gate)!!
Random: CYNO!!!

*BEEeeooooooooowwwwFEEEEEESH!!!!!!*
*BEEeeooooooooowwwwFEEEEEESH!!!!!!*

FC: Two Titans in! Scatter!!
Me: Shocked Oooooo... they're so... BIG... Big smile
FC: Scatter you nub!!
Me: Hey... why are they glowing like tha-- Shocked

*POOF**splat*

How did you Veterans start?
Jake Warbird
Republic Military School
Minmatar Republic
#16 - 2013-06-19 03:40:42 UTC  |  Edited by: Jake Warbird
deleted cos of lack of coffee for reading comprehension

Sugar Von MurdererTits : Jake Warbird gets my vote for most intriguing and attractive male character in Eve.
La Rena
Aliastra
Gallente Federation
#17 - 2013-06-19 04:30:26 UTC
Heard this in local some odd years back;

nub: how do i put explosive charges into railguns

other player 1: charges? you need hybrid ammo for rails

nub: but isnt hybrid ammo is used for blasters

Other player 2: *explains to nub how the ammo system works in eve along how to load the proper ammo into his guns*

other player 1: thx for the lecture, you still suck ****

nub: now how do i get into contact with a gm

me: press the ctrl key followed by the q key to bring up the menu to get into quick contact with a gm for the verge vender server

nub: thanks *quits current session*

other player 2: nice, never thought i would see someone pull that one out of their a**

me: ;) wanna see some concordokken if nub comes back

local:PiratePiratePiratePirateBig smileBig smileBig smile
ISD Gallifreyan
ISD Community Communications Liaisons
ISD Alliance
#18 - 2013-06-19 05:01:16 UTC  |  Edited by: ISD Gallifreyan
I have no stories to add here. I'm sure I asked a few doozies when I was new.
The GM team has been very attentive lately reaching out to new players quickly in game to provide answers and links to information.

I will suggest anyone posting here be carefull not to post chat logs, or bash new players.

So far everyone has been repectfull of the rules.

Thank you.

ISD Gallifreyan

Lt. Commander

Community Communication Liaisons (CCL)

Interstellar Services Department
Peter Raptor
Galactic Hawks
#19 - 2013-06-19 05:19:49 UTC
I don't recall funny noob questions, but i did commit a "noob" mistake once; was deep in null sec and wanted to quickly get to hisec, so decided to self destruct.........only later did I realise I hadn't upgraded my clone..........about 10 days worth of training gone in 60 seconds (approx) Straight

Evelopedia; 

The Amarr Empire, is known for its omnipresent religion  †  
Cat Troll
Incorruptibles
#20 - 2013-06-19 05:40:30 UTC  |  Edited by: Cat Troll
I remember going into a level 4 with my CEO.
Mind you I was a total nub, I was in an Incursus, he was supposed to get all the agro and then I come in and take care of frigates.
Problem is that I forgot the part where he is supposed to get all the agro, I got through a gate without my CEO and before my computer could even react... splat.

I would also stop while fighting people because I thought that makes it easier to hit them.

Lolwut: "Yes, you kids don't know how lucky you have it. These days noobs get given free tackle ships for PvP but back in the old days the only tackle ships we were given were our pods. We had to use them to bump their rookie ships out of alignment to stop them warping off."
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