Intergalactic Summit

I follow the Disciples Of Ston's thread with interest. I think it's nice that they care about the dumping of unwanted property enough to go and clean up other people's mess. Sort of like the galaxy's friendly garbage collectors, putting things in the bin so you don't have to. Isn't that lovely of them. Let's all pay our respects to their valuable service of cleaning the spacelanes so jetcans don't dent our Impairors.

However, I was curious to see someone accuse them recently of fabricating the whole thing: "but people don't really dump slaves in jetcans to die", someone said. Gosh, now that's a hefty accusation given that that's what their whole operation is based around. Of course, what would I know about it? I never even go out that way, so for me it's one person's word against another. So because I like knowing stuff and being correct, I thought I'd jump into my latest fun vessel the Retriever "Cheoeum Cheoreom" and go to take a look out where the Stonsters said there was a lot of slave dumping going on, to see what was really happening.

Sure enough, it didn't take long before I found a suspect-looking jetcan. I cruised on up to it to take a look, and sure enough, scans revealed there was a slave in there - looks like the Stontronics were right. Only one though, and a mightily disappointed slave too, I might add - the look on his face when he saw my crew wasn't very welcoming. I wonder if word has spread and he was expecting the Stonomatics instead (who I didn't see in space when I was there), but in any event he would have died out there if nobody came, so a little bit of gratitude really wouldn't have gone astray. Luckily I'm the forgiving sort. Anyway I couldn't just exactly leave him there to die - that would be very cruel and I couldn't live with myself, so I took him on board.

I guess that now makes me a "Holder" doesn't it. I don't feel very exalted though, in fact it worries me. I don't have the facilities to keep a slave - they need cleaning, proper clothes (you should see the filthy rags on this guy) and some kind of work to do, which I really don't have much of. Let's face it, there isn't much work out there these days on a starship for someone only capable of pushing a broom in front of them. There's only so many times you can get someone to clean a corridoor in a day before it just becomes pointless busywork.

So I've been running through the options available, here's what I got, from most to least preferred, with pros and cons for each:

1. Turn him over to an Amarr loyalist organisation (PIE or similar)

a. He's out of my face, one less problem
b. I can sleep soundly knowing that PIE or a similar organisation would give him only the best facilities and treatment
c. Amarr loyalists may know his original owner and punish him appropriately for careless rubbish dumping

but

d. Do they really want him? He's kind of rude and unpleasant and I would feel bad burdening a morally upstanding organisation with such a noz especially one that probably already has plenty of things to do on their plate
e. Give his extreme ungratefulness a slave's lifestyle working for only the best Amarr organisations in the galaxy is arguably a better fate than he deserves

2. Hello airlock

a. He's out of my face, one less problem
b. Justice is served (he was so rude, like, seriously)
c. It would honestly be kind of funny

but

d. I don't like blood and guts and stuff, it's gross
e. I'm not sure about the legalities of doing such a thing, probably comes up as "vandalism" under Amarr law and I'm not a lawbreaker kind of person
f. Seems like a waste of precious resources

3. Turn him over to Disciples Of Ston.

a. He's out of my face, one less problem
b. Ston would probably be happy to have him
c. He's kind of rude and surly and the thought of him and Ston interacting amuses me

but

d. Ston would probably "educate" him which would probably mean making him listen to ten hour lectures about how "war is so very very bad oh gosh it's so bad make sure you never kill anyone ever or you are a BAD PERSON BAD BAD BAD" and that surely has to be worse punishment than mopping a floor. Could I live with myself knowing he would be going through this mental torture because of me?
e. Seems like a waste of precious resources


4. Sell the slave on the open market

a. He's out of my face, one less problem
b. More ISK means happy

but

c. This guy has no market value, seriously
d. I might get a reputation for selling inferior quality product

5. Try to find his true owner

a. He's out of my face (assuming I'm successful), one less problem
b. The thought of the idiot who dumped him getting stuck with him again seems like poetic justice

but

c. I've got no way to verify the owner (the slave is very stubborn and isn't giving up any info AND YES I FORGOT TO LOOK ON THE CAN OKAY)
d. Who says the owner is going to willingly take him back even if I do find them
e. Seems like a hassle, I've got better things to do

6. Accept the slave into my life

a. I can say "I'm a Holder" at parties and increase my standing among the elite of Amarr society
b. My parents will be happy that their daughter finally did something responsible for once in her life
c. Reactions on IGS if I did this would be amusing

but

d. As previously mentioned I don't really have any facilities for this, or anything for him to do
e. He's such a knobend, if I absolutely must own a slave I'd like to think I can do better than this one
f. I'd probably get anti-slaver organisations getting all angsty and taking industrial action, refusing my Kim Bap, etc and I could kiss that overdue delivery from Native Freshfood goodbye.

7. Set him free

a. He's out of my face, one less problem

but

b. Just kidding, I wouldn't do this. Are you for real?

Thoughts below, ok go

Cheer up, sunshine.

GIven that he has no legal papers of any kind...




In this scenario, you might want to liquify him on one of the black markets, instead of using the regular open one.

Let me know if you decide to do so. I know certain people.

Liquidating assets.
If you are looking for a literal alternative, you'll have to find a Blood Raider; I don't socialize with those kind of people.

Yeah nah. Neither do I.



I don't know enough about Sisters of EVE to work out where that option would sit on my list of preferences. What do you think would happen to the slave if I took him there?

I am sure the SPCS is willing to take on the estranged asset.

Additionally, you are not a holder as you lack proper papers and status. However, you might be at risk of being accused of illegally harboring slaves. "I got these slaves from some random cannister in space, but forgot to see who it belonged to" isn't a very convincing argument.

Okay so this is my idea;

So first off give him some clothes, right? And like, make sure he has extra pairs of clean underwear! Then pack him a lunch. Include plenty of Quafe 'cos he's gonna get hungry! And like, then you like, give him stuff, I dunno like, like a solar-powered datapad or something. So like, he can get directions and stuff and maybe like look at Quafe models or something if he's all bored and stuff. Then give him like a Nova knife I guess, I dunno, like whatever~! ♥

Then you send him into the tall grass to strike out on his own super slave adventure! And like, it'll be so cool because like, maybe they'll make a Holoreel all about it in years or something. And they'll have a scene where like slave man is all dying and I'll be crying but then he'll take a mouthful of Quafe and get all invigorated and jazz and leap heroically back into action and I'll be crying even more, ugh.

It would seem, none of the institutes that train and outfit capsuleers bother to screen applicants: background checks and psychological profiling and the like. The only requirement seems to be the ability to use capsuleer implants and a low likelihood of wetgraving.

That would explain the poor quality of a large portion of capsuleers (though at times, I wonder what sort of correlation installation of implants or the compatibility with them has with the incidence of sociopathy, since many of us are certifiably batshit)

Certifiably batshit? Quite. And if the standards of debate around here serves as any indicator, that is the only certification most capsuleers hold before receiving their license.

PIE are accredited by the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Slaves, so they are a good home for unwanted guest workers.