EVE New Citizens Q&A

bosoms

Normally I'd say that you'd best pucker up because you're about to be scammed. However, since you were contacted by THEM it might actually be a genuine thing (that's a big "might" though).

If you do decide to take them up on their offer, do the following:

- DO NOT give them ISK... not even as a "down payment" for anything. They might just keep the payment and deny/boot you from the alliance.
- DO NOT give anyone your "stuff" for them to move... there is a possibility that they might just keep it and deny/boot your from the alliance.
- DO NOT bring much, if any, of your stuff with you (or at least nothing you can't move/replace easily). They might decide to intercept you somewhere around their systems and blow you (and your stuff) up for giggles... then deny/boot you from the alliance.
- DO NOT rage if you do get screwed... they will use your "tears" to lube themselves up in "pleasure."

The best way to get to null-sec is to just "pod over." By this I mean that you should simply transfer your clone remotely to their station via any station with "medical services"... undock in a pod... and self destruct. You will wake up in their station and can then use your ISK to buy the stuff you need (or, they might give/sell you a cheapo ship and some modules (sometimes at "empire prices")).
Also remember to upgrade your clone again before you undock.

Goons are notorious for dirty dealings and scams. Unless you're already a known member of their forums or know a Goon IRL who can vouch for you, the odds are that it won't end well for you (and even with those things, you're not guaranteed safety).

The Goonswarm recruitment scam has such notoriety that it has become part of their stand-up comedy repertoire, kinda like "knock knock" or "X walks into a bar" jokes.

In fact what is probably happening now is that the guy who posted something that looks vaguely like a recruitment offer is chuckling away on their forums, "*snicker* I told this boob that he should be in Theta squad!" and getting replies like, "Oh man! That's so funny!"

It would of course be even funnier if you posted about that almost-recruitment offer elsewhere on the forums in such a way that they could believe that you were taking it seriously and actually used precious brain cycles to ponder whether it's a genuine offer or not.

Goonswarm are the drunk frat boys of the EVE universe:

"Ha ha! a priest and a rabbit walk into a bar"
"Oh man, yeah, that one's classic! Oh hey … I recruited this pubbie who gave me a 500M ISK downpayment for the Goonswarm application paperwork!"
"OMG! classic!"

yes i can confirm that all we talk about in thetasquad is pubbies and thier exploits

It's a trap. You may experience this sequence of emotions should you accept their offer:

Goonswarm Federation is a Outstanding & Upper Class group of men & women that come together to play a game they all love & care about so much.

They are in the process of removing all the scum out of Delve & giving it back to the regular people.

They have help rid highsec of all the ice bots that were roaming the galaxy.

I do not see why people have such a hard time with them.

All the Goons I have meet have be nothing but great help, lots of fun & downright honest.

I wish everyone would stop spreading all those horrible & ugly rumors about them.

Peace & Fly safe everyone.

P.S. If anyone disagrees, come on out to Dekelin & we can discuss what your concerns are.

Don't join the Goons. They're just trying to scam you.

Also, the Goons have not been relevant in EVE for a few years now. Sure, every so often they do something stupid like attack the EVE Cemetery or blow up ice miners, but really it's just a pathetic cry for attention.

^Nope, try again.

The first thing you need to understand about the Goons - is that they are NOT a group of EVE Players that decided to form an Alliance. They are a group of people from the comedy web site Something Awful - who sometimes play games together as a group. The name - Goons - is what they call the members of that web site.

It is my understanding that the Goons web site states that their recruiting policy - is to only accept people who are already members of the Something Awful site - who must also have someone to vouch for them. Anyone else - is being scammed.

Here are a few videos on that subject:


Goon recruitment policy enforced.


Goonfleet Fanfest Presentation

Note here - that he states the above mentioned policy - a) being a member of Something Awful; b) having a sponsor.



As a sample of things they've done in other games such as Star Trek Online:
Starfleet Dental Recruitment


In this one, they have fun blowing up their own ships for a couple of hours then start luring people to the bridge of one of their ships - with promises of good stuff - only to kill them.
Dental Episode 1: A Brush With Death



More promises of good stuff - resulting in death.

Dental Episode 2: Don't Trust Them!


After getting in trouble with the STO mods - they supposedly promised to be good ... but of course ... just had to do it again.
Dental Episode 3: You killed my fun

Supposedly - they got banned for this last one.



Thus - The Goons - a group of fun loving guys from an outside group - who love to have fun - at YOUR expense.


To quote their sometime leader ... "I'm not here to ruin EVE. I'm here to ruin YOUR EVE."


*shrug*



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