Crime & Punishment

Since there is a distinct lack of people posting engouh stories to get me through the work week, I figured I'd help and maybe more people will follow suit. What follows is generally tear free, hence no need to place it in the Pirate Story thead, as that is fueled by tears.

So I got a few short roams in over the weekend, each was about an hour long. I must admit that had a wonderful time… some of the time.
cliff notes to avoid the following wall of text: I was logging on at the wrong time, and need to find a new home... guess I should just finish the tutorials and move somewhere NOT in N.O.'s backyard...

As it goes, I log on, with an hour until DT and started jumping from system to system, keeping a weather eye for targets in belts. Once again, I found a plethora of cans, always empty, sitting in empty belts. Everything was completely void of asteroids, wrecks, there was nothing... excepting an AFK Hulk... in an empty belt. Wanted to blow him up just because it seemed like the just thing to do. You can’t AFK mine if there are no rocks! While he would have been bordering on defenseless (I took a gander at his ship and saw no guns ), I knew I couldn't break the tank and Concord would have crushed me like a gnat.

-DT-

A few hours pass and I find some more free time so I jump into my trusty if not rickety, frigate and resume my system jump. I was in the process of learning to spam D-Scan, still not sure if I have that right but it generally works.
Upon finding very little in the way of worthy targets I consoled myself with plenty of free loot, more than once in the form of lower end faction equipment! While being most bemused by the belt ratters generosity, I made sure to thank on in local and link the ~2mil Faction drop he left for me, such a fine gentleman, though truth be told I was hoping he’d come to claim it >:D, alas, no… so I move on to try something new.

I drop into a belt and lay my eyes in a venture. Not yet realizing that greased pigs are less slippery than they are, I hit Approach, then once lined up, set to max speed! With a cacophony of grinding metal and spent energy (this sound must have been in my head) we both rebound off into space. Promptly the lady waves in local, pulls in her drones like an exposed undergarment and warps off. Huh, guess she wasn’t afk...

I move to the next belt, feverishly watching the clock, as it’s been about an hour, I know I’m running low on time. Behold, another venture! Look at his ship, no guns, 2 mining lasers and a salvage, but he’s got 2 hornets out… maybe if I bate this right he can think he’s got me till I manage to pop him (again not yet realizing that I need extra points to even hold him).
…Align… set speed… feel like a badass space shark… get that jaws “Babbump… Babbump” stuck in my head and giggle like a school girl… and we collide. While he shifts he does not go out of his range and promptly moves to get his venture literally on top of the rock… (like a transformer humping a goron). I attempt to line it up and bump again, knowing he is not afk, maybe I can goad him into the fight with persistence!

Alas no. lasers shut off, drones come in, and he aligns and warps before the next bump…
Then it happens, I land agro! But… unfortunately it was from my resplendent Wife*, not spaceships. I start booking it back to my home dock, and notice a blink on my EVEMail.

He set me to good standing!? (Lol) I return the favor and he responds with a duel request!? PVP FUN! Oh Glorious Day!… oh wait, my bride has got her point/scram on me and I forgot to prepare with the necessary WECM**… I decline and send him my deepest regrets with my request for a rain check. Log off.

-Later-

Log back on and start lurking from belt to belt. At this point I’ve learned how ventures are hard to nail down (something they share in common with jello) so I’ve given up looking for miners to exploit and set my mind to hunting belt ratters and other anomaly bears. I have talked myself into believing this will work because they’re more likely to think they can (or actually be able to) take me. So I jump from system to system, first hitting onboard scanners and jumping w/100 of all anomalies as soon as I get into system, then running from belt to belt, looking for ratters. I know they’re there, as I have been collecting their free loot, which, compared to other things I could be doing, pulls in a modest sum of isk, but has already bought a ship and will fit it once I figure out how I want it fit.

Anyway, it’s growing toward the end of the hour I’ve allotted for this roam and I land in a belt. There’s a hapless miner chewing away at the rocks.

…Damn…

So I decide to plot out to low and to see what I can see. I stop spamming D-Scan, and press f10 (That pulls up the map! Totally didn’t know that till shortly before hand!). I mindlessly start counting jumps when I hear that tell tale beep, and think “Hurray a figh….” The word trails off and out flows a torrent of vitriol

(pretent you see the Battle clinic killmail of an Arazu owning my poorly fit Condor)

I go down in a blaze of glory… like fireworks in your drive way, when you wanted Disney World. I ‘GF’, and hit a station, grab a noob ship and figure, I might as well try to reclaim my ship loot, if he’s just guarding the miner then I’m no threat now, if he pops this ship, then no loss.

(pretent you see the Battle clinic killmail of an Arazu owning my unfit Ibis)

I grab another noob ship and head home. Resolved now to finish my tutorials, skill up probing to hunt mission bears and generally emigrate to a lower sec. On the whole, a Good Day

*if you're going to talk about your Lady, it would be prudent to do it in a manner that atleast resembles a compliment

Good writing, but the subject material is a little dry. Though it is GREAT that you find such danger and thrills in hisec.

Next time out, fill the lowslots on your ship (rigs are good too, and quite cheap for some)

(Beware, thar be wall o' text... tl;dr wanted to be a pirate but ended up a ninja)
After a break from the game that felt a lifetime too long I've had the chance to get things moving again.

Started fitting my low slots, not well I fear, but not empty anymore.

Beyond that my actions as of late had been far less impressive and overall more infinitely more tedious than I would have like. In that tedium I believe I have scratch the surface of a wealth of useful skills and I do not mean the kind one queues up and lets grind out. With the introduction out of the way, into the narrative!

After having finally completed the afore mentioned tedium of the introductory missions, I moved from my home in the state war academy to what I presumed was a missions hub. There were a good number of stations to be had and multiple that hosted more than one security officer, most of which were 3 or 4 it seemed.

I moved my badger into the Navy station (as I assumed any green horn lookin for Bear action would goto the Navy over other offers, even if they are all alike), unpacked all the scant belongings I had kept, the rest found their way out to the 4-4. After looking at my lint filled wallet and my sparse hanger, I pondered one of the hardest choices put before me as a capsuleer... do I hang my hat and say that I am just ‘too casual’ at this for Piracy and embrace the bear, or look perhaps to Factional Warfare as an out for my craving for action? I could stylize myself as a Privateer, their like pirates, just 'respectable'... many a good man of England was a good privateer...

As I teetered I returned my gaze to the few ships I had reserved for one reason or another and as I pondered over what would come next I check myself. I had not one but two Herons. In a flash of inspiration I fit and rigged and trained out for combat probes. Bears b' damned! A pirate I shall be, even if I must start at the lowest level of the scum and dreg!

After fitting my two remaining combat ships, trying to do the bumping trick again (by the way, if you're part of minerbumping... can you please make a video tutorial? I cannot seem to bump consistently in one direction and always end up just knocking them back and forth in w/in their mining laser range), I finally stop trying to pick a fight straight on.

I grab my heron and decide it is truly time to learn to scan.

After more profanity than need be used in any civil company, I figure it out and landed a solid 100% and like a bold new Leroy, jump to 20.

I landed on an active mission with a Drake; there was no acceleration gate to hide behind.
–PANIC– JUMP TO SAFE @ 0.
I quickly turned to my trustee aide-de-camp, Deirdre (Dee), and point the scan at the mission, being sure to saving the location. Once our friendly bear warps off, I engage warp to 0 and begin to collect my new loot. At this point my small thrill of nearly being caught has my adrenaline runnin enough to keep hitting Dee like a bad Rolling Stones advertisement. Then I notice he’s left local, and I get lax with excitement watching the cargo hold’s estimated value jump into the multi-millions!
And then the Noctis lands
I don’t have the transcript but it went something like this:

---

Drake/Noctis Pilot: Are you seriously looting my misson?
Jubal: My salvage agent sent me out here to clean up space and be green.
Drake/Noctis Pilot:…
:: Drake Noctis Pilot warps off::
I finished grabbing all the loot, ignoring the salvage, as it seemed to be worth less (than the loot itself) and dock up
:: Drake/Noctis Pilot hits local again::
Jubal: Did you get your drake?

---

He never responded, I don’t think he likes me, but he was very kind and generous with his multi-million isk worth of loot.
Since then my wallet has gone from <100,000 to well over 30mil and I think I may have found some semi-afk Russian mission runners. Corp of 5, most seem to have the same theme in name, and they all fly their navy ravens with far too many hobgoblin 1s, then never loot and leave the drones on scene… I must have collected 50 of them.
Once I think I can take em… I know who’s getting war deced...
Life, if interesting again, even if it’s just the rush of stealing from giants. Now to build a good skill plan and ramp up for learning more of what it means to be a high sec pirate.