Intergalactic Summit

The following program does not represent the opinions of the Eve Defense Force corporation, the Tribal Band alliance, and The Scope: Galactic News Network.

In this intro, Fred is relaxing in his captain’s quarters when suddenly he hears commotion outside. He opens the door and nearly loses his balance due to an intense wind. His personal Talos class Attack Battlecruiser “Blaster Bananza” is rapidly spinning in circles, much faster than the ship can actually fly. Fred notices spilled quafe on the control panel, and returns inside the captains quarters to write a petition to the station master.

Good evening New Eden! Welcome to another protein rich episode of Fred Fred Frederation! Speaking of protein, did you know Nanopaste has a TON of protein. It would be a great thing to spread on your food if it didn’t cause your stomach to implode and your heart and spleen to switch places. I’m making it up, but do you really want that stuff in you? Sure, the Sansha cyber-slaves might ingest some to fix an iron lung or something, but seriously, don’t freaking eat it. I will NOT be responsible for giving poor dietary advice.

My horrible sense of humor aside, there has been some tragedy quite recently here in the Federation. As all of you know by now, a Gallente gunman opened fire on a Gallente-Minmatar friendship fest and killed and injured dozens of people. One of them the leader of the Sebiestor Tribe and former Prime Minister of the Republic. We still don’t know the full story so it’s rather hard to say anything more than this is an absolute tragedy. The unnecessary destruction of human life can never be justified. What’s rather bizarre about this is how the gunman simply turned himself in, fully aware of what he had done and what was going to happen to him. It’s almost like he was on a mission, whatever it could be, and his objective was complete.

Even more bizarre, was the Republic’s absolutely stupid response. Yeah I can hear you booing in the back seat I’m sorry bud. Yeah you the one with the vest! Oh don’t act like you didn’t do it, you’re still giving me a thumbs down and- OUCH! What the heck man? You threw your combat boot at me and got me in the eye! No, security you don’t need to taze aaaannd- your tazing him. Well then. Awkward. I better hire a Caldari lawyer for this one...

Fred clears his throat, rubs his eye, realigns his papers, and continues. The audience is talking in hushed voices as the Vehrekoir man is being dragged away by security.

But yes, the Republic response, absolutely silly. First off, Shakor is the one who made the demand to have the perpetrator sent to Minmatar space just 8 hours after the massacre, to the President himself. When has Shakor EVER decided to do something so abruptly. This is man who plans things out decades in advance, he has more patience than anyone in the cluster. All of the wonderful things he has done has been underway for years upon years. Now all of a sudden, he is the first person to jump on this event? Why now of all moments did he act so abrupt, that is unless there is something that has been underway for a while.

The Republic also sent a fleet of fully armed battleships, yes battleships, to come and get the jackass once our President rightfully declined Shakor’s request. What brash and simply stupid stuff! As if we would simply let them step over our sovereignty and do what they pleased in our space? It’s funny how the Minmatar always claim that people are violating their rights, yet don’t seem to hesitate when it comes to stepping on other’s rights.

Why in EVE would they be willing to resort to armed conflict to grab this shithead? We understand he injured someone very important to the Republic, but it’s not like he would get away with it here. We are very effective at delivering justice. We made a traitor BURST INTO FLAMES in front of an audience of trillions for what he had done. The punishment was necessary but rather excessive, still though, we deliver justice when justice is due and it certainly is in this case. If anything we are doing you a favor, sparing your government the burdens of not only putting this guy on trial and delivering justice, but also putting Midlur in the absolute best care the cluster has to offer.

We love you guys in the Republic, we really do. We understand how you feel, just trust us and stay level headed, all your worries will be taken care of.

It’s such a pity that such close allies almost went to the brink of shooting each other, though it’s good to know that we now sound more like a married couple rather than enemies. Congrats to the guys who made sure we didn’t get a divorce!

This brings me to a little side note for the night. Will the Amarr and Caldari get a divorce? It seems that they are having their own issues with the Amarr wanting to rid Caldari influence from several events and practices. Why would they be so foolish to do this? The Caldari mercenaries keeping things nice and safe have always been welcomed. Why get rid of them now? The Caldari have done nothing wrong to you Imperials. I honestly don’t know enough about this to comment much on it, but it’ seems like everyone is getting mad at their friends lately.

Of course, there are chemicals out there to make people be nice and even love each other. Why do you think this show is successful? I’ve had the chemical placed in virtually every single food and drink product in New Eden! Now there is nobody to stop me! Mwahahaha!

Actually, as stupidly evil as that would be, it’s not true. You know what else isn’t true? That Vherokior heckler getting tazed! He’s actually a paid actor and did a brilliant job!

The actor walks onto stage, smiling and waving as to the crowd’s bewildered amusement.

Well that’s all I have for today! Have a good night friends and remember, do not paint over the vents on your pod!

I usually like your shows. This one just grit'em teeth of mine.

They're usually fun to watch, and more importantly to me, balanced -everyone is equally laughed at.

Sadly, there's plenty of room to make fun of the RSS. They acted accordingly to the "Me Minmatar ! Me strong and proud !" caricature. And while anger and anguish can explain such a behaviour, they certainly don't excuse it.

But the Federation isn't blameless. This incident could and should have been avoided. By giving the name of the man who surrendered (oh, and Karin Midular medical state a less valuable information, available to anyone ? Really smooth). Or proposing a cooperation for the incoming investigation.

I tuned hoping you would poke at the two parties involved, and I just saw the usual "Gallente condescendingly laughing at his cute but slightly r*tarded Minmatar cousin".

You should have pick any regular Minmatar (Brutor specifally) off the street instead of hiring a paid actor. I am sure that there are many Minnies out and about in the Gallentee Federation, if only you would look for them. It would've made your show more interesting. At least, it would have given all the other Non-Gallentees something to laugh about.

Plus, the most amazing thing of all, his/her services would have been for free!

I promise when I see you, I wont throw my boot.