EVE Fiction

In the spirit of the *Great* Weird Al "Eat It" Yankovic, have a Stabber at song based word play and gank your favorite melody by substituting EVE themed lyrics.

A few of mine i wrote over the last few years.

Inspired by the former Hulkageddon...before it morphed into Goonygeddon...and was something I looked forward to each year as a spectator event (i really didn't care to participate either as a ganker or gankee :

HulkaGeddon Empire Anthem
Oh say can you see, by the barge burning bright,
What so proudly we sailed after twilight's last mining.
Whose loud gripes and bright tears, thru the perilous fight,
O'er local we watched, were those carebear tears streaming?
And the Fusion'S red glare, the Macks bursting in air,
Gave proof through the fight, Hulkageddon is here.
Oh, say do those team-'geddon Thrashers yet seek
O'er Empire of the Bear and the home of the meek?
-Billy Bligh's Got Keys.

I spend a lot of time in EVE Help chat, and the question "How do i leave my corp" comes up all the time, i wrote a lyric to answer it:

50 ways...
The problem's solved by clicking on the top left "E"
Social probs are easy if tackled logistically
Forgive me, but at the risk of sounding Noob
There must be 50 ways to leave your corp mates
50 ways...

Slip out in the HAC, Zack,
Open the corp page, Rage
Drop all ur roles, Moel
Just listen to me,
Ditch the high tax, Frakx
you don't need to chat, Hatt
Just prepare to leave, Dweeb
and set your tax, free
~Billy Bligh

And lastly, just penned today in fact after a toon by the name of Franka Sinatra asked about Wormhole issues in help chat...welllllll...that was beggin for a parody lyric there :)

Fly me to the moon
Let me play with your Astarte.
Let me see your POS,
then blow my ship apart
In other words, scram my ship. In other words, baby, shoot me

Fill my hull with lead,
and I will tear in local more.
Wormholes, though I long for,
I must train up cloaks some more.
In other words, please be Blue. In other words, My Pod's screw'd.
~Billy Bligh

There you go.
Take a shot at it, have fun, and watch your transversal.

Really? Pushed down to page 3 and No one has taken a shot at this.

All it takes is JUST ONE line, and a smidgen of storyline and:


Big Ion (with apologies to Marty Robbins :P )

To the system of Dodixe flew a stranger one fine day
Hardly spoke to folks in local, didn't have too much to say
No one dared to dared to passive target, no one dared to scan his ship
the stranger there among them had a Big Ion on his ship.
a Big Ion on his ship.

It was early after downtime when he flew into the crowd
He came flying in from Vylade slowly looking all around
"He's a suspect loose and cunning" came the whisper from each ship
"And he's here do do some business with the Big Ion on his fit"
the Big Ion on his shiiiip.

In this system lived a ninja by the name of Tekaima Red.
Many men had tried to pod him and and that many pods were dead.
He was a vicious lil smack talker and a youth from his rapore
but his notices of kill mails numbered one and nineteen more
One and nineteen more

Now the stranger started talking made it plain to folks around
Was a Jita bounty hunter, wouldn't be to long in town.
He came here to kill a ninja, blast his ship and pod him dead
Said the bounty didn't matter he was after Tekaima Red.
After Tekaima Red

Wasn't long before the smack talk was relayed to Tekaima Red
But the ninja didn't worry, pilots tried that, they're are all dead
Twenty hunters tried to pod him twenty hunters made a slip
Twenty one would be the stranger with the Big Ion on his ship
Big Ion on his ship

The dscan went so quickly it was time for them to meet
Was UTC 11:20 when they met without a fleet
Folks were watching close in local everybody placed their bets
They knew the Bounty Hunter was about to lose implants.
About to lose implants.

There was 4km between them when the hunter dropped his cloak
and the swiftness of the ganking is still a local joke
Tekaima Red had not made target fore the Ion blaster hit
and the hunter's aim was perfect with the Big Ion on his ship
Big Ion on his ship.

It was over in one Alpha and salvers quickly raced
there before them lie the wreckage of the ninja there in space
Oh he might have gone on flying but he made one fatal slip
He didn't have a SEBO fitted on his ninja ship
on his ninja ship.

Big Ion, Big Ion
He could not lock the hunter with the Big Ion on his ship.

^Nicely done, very nice!!!

Working on "Just give me a killmail". In the style of Pink and Nate Russe. Working title only, it might change totally.

Song has been stuck in my head lately.

(New parody bumping this back up from a slow death on page 6)
(( are there no other Weird Als in EVE? Word smithies? Songwriters? Kreative Karaokeists? :))p



SWEET MINER JAMES. (Melody and lyrical structure courtesy of James Taylor)

There is a newb miner, who lives in a belt
a lone hauler alt is his only companion.
he works in his ship and he sleeps at a station
waiting for Skill Points to upgrade his ship.

And as his ore hold fills he watches TV
dreaming bout null sec and a POS seige.
And closing his eyes as his strip miners scream,
he talks of his plans in his local sys chat
as if someone gave a rat's ass.

Good fight you null sec Lad-ies
Rock on there Sweet Miner James
Ark and Deep Core are the ores I'll explore
when I get to fulfill my EVE dreams
So rock on there sweet Miner James.

At the start of the summer, when Odyssey changed
Ore belts and rock ISK became more elusive
he ventured to explore and found some things juicy
but random and scattered his profits did range and flow whoaoo.

There's a sound that one hears when they scan for the bling
there's a tear that some jear when they pod newbs with glee
there's a song that they spam when they scam newbs in Sinq,
maybe you can believe them and buy useless things.
but strip mining sounds right to me.

sooo

Good fight you null sec Lad-ies
Rock on there Sweet Miner James
Ark and Deep Core are the ores I'll explore
when I get to fulfill my EVE dreams
So rock on there Sweet Miner James.