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New Chronicle: After The Fall

First post
Author
Goran Konjich
Krompany
#101 - 2013-03-27 06:38:57 UTC
Lallante wrote:
Goran Konjich wrote:
It's crystal clear that guards are burried in the garden. Which is fine by me :-)


What? Not its not. They were clearly other Gallente (hence the digging the garden up and the Caldari guards approving of it).

How can they have been the Caldari guards if he started "gardening" again BEFORE the Caldari invasion?


well, the -other- gallente that were "ruining" his garden were burying the random caldari guards they cought and killed around. my opinion. he knew this and this was happening all the time but he didn't mention it of course. Roll

I'm a diplomat. Sometimes i throw 425mm wide briefcases at enemy. Such is EVE.

Rally Invura Aurilen
State War Academy
Caldari State
#102 - 2013-03-27 08:26:46 UTC  |  Edited by: Rally Invura Aurilen
They welcomed me. An old man, exhausted and at the end of his rope, and the hated enemies of my people treated me like one of their own. They talked to me in quiet tones, explaining several times over what had been going on, and they listened to what I had to say even though half of it was panicked, sleep-deprived babble delivered in a voice that was still barely audible.

They had known about my garden for a while. They spoke of it with respect, and I got the unmistakable feeling that they found it to be a small patch of honest life in a civilization that had gone to a grey, dead ruin. At that moment in time, I didn't disagree with them in the slightest.

One of their own had been on patrol when he'd heard voices from my garden, and had walked over to see the Gallente - my supposed people - trashing it. He'd warned them, they had resisted, he had called for backup, and the end result was a group of unconscious young people with scorch wounds and burns from crowd control weapons wielded with no hesitation


We Caldari DO have our moments of Kindness. We are not ALWAYS ruthless cold hearted plutocratic fascists.

Also I was fighting on the planet with my Dust clone, under a mercenary contract, during the event that took place...


There were lights there, very faint but unmistakable, all on the same part of the horizon. I scrambled down the ladder again as fast as my old legs would let me, found my binoculars in the house, and went back up to look again. They were definitely lights, probably from explosions. They were so far away, and so hard to make out, that I realized they were in another district, possibly on the other side of the continent. I wondered if the same thing were happening elsewhere on the planet.


One of the explosions he saw, might have been caused by me.

Great Chron.
BloodBird
The Crucible.
#103 - 2013-03-27 10:23:11 UTC
Isao Jaatikonen wrote:
I find it absolutely terrifying and amusing that a peoples so in love with the idea of freedom and democracy would claim that we Caldari do not have the right to live within our own system, on our own homeworld. Reading some of the comments here shows more of the Gallentean attitude towards others


Do you know what terrifies me?

All the quasi-IC OOC crap in this tread, all the talk back and forth trying to justify viewpoints, or make snide comments on an out-of-character basis regarding events in the story, or the attitudes of others. You for instance attribute a viewpoint of one player in this tread and apply it to an entire faction in-game.

Also, it's not your homeworld, it 'belongs' to a faction in-game, and even then we can argue the nuances of it's 'ownership' in great detail. For instance, others in this tread even taken offense, that the protagonist referred to the planet he had lived on all his life as his.

Seriously guys let's cut down on the hype for a bit, and enjoy the story without all the supposed pride, why don't we?

@ Topic.

The story was excellent, I felt. It set the mood quite well, and while I did not read to much into it the first time, once the final line hit it made me re-think and that was quite enjoyable - all the pieces quietly falling into place.

It was also interesting to see that the State sat down actual civilian populations on the planet, civilians who are now entirely cut off. I assumed all the State forces on the planet was exclusively military and their support staff, not honest-to-god civilians there for non-military related reasons. I suppose that makes sense, too.

Great work.
Snowflake Tem
The Order of Symbolic Measures
#104 - 2013-03-27 11:28:02 UTC  |  Edited by: Snowflake Tem
BloodBird wrote:

Seriously guys let's cut down on the hype for a bit, and enjoy the story without all the supposed pride, why don't we?


I don't know, if an in game event of this magnitude does not engender a flutter of emotion; pride, rage whatever - there is something wrong.

I find the sniping at errors more distressing than the playful banter. As an illustrator, I like to think of EVE as a collaborative arts project, with individuals contributing their time and energies to the crazi-multi-media tapestry that is the EVE universe. That's one of the reasons the loss of EON magazine was such a blow.

Your PLEX buys you the dark arts of a talented author as well as freedom to stomp around the universe holding grudges.
So no thanks. I'm here for pride, hype and blaster-fire.
Ibrahim Khashanti
Ministry of War
Amarr Empire
#105 - 2013-03-27 14:51:09 UTC
Enjoyable read. Thank you.
Midori Amiiko
Garoun Investment Bank
Gallente Federation
#106 - 2013-03-28 00:19:15 UTC  |  Edited by: Midori Amiiko
Inkarr Hashur wrote:
As a player of EVE Online, I wish for world building and nuanced and new perspectives of the 4 empires, the various other main factions both lawful and pirate, etc. I wish for named and important characters in the universe being fleshed out or tested in some manner.

So in this story I felt the most compelling part was the contrast of the Caldari fascist, military focus and efficiency versus the petty and spiteful Gallente factions splintering among the townspeople, showing their inefficacy and divisive nature. This is why I have a problem with the unnamed and unimportant old man being a serial killer. It became a distraction. It doesn't add to the worldbuilding as outlined above in my first paragraph, and in fact, detracts from that "petty and spiteful" depiction of the Gallente, as they are no longer petty or spiteful, but based firmly in real and justified suspicion. It was an interesting development for the story about the old man, but was not helpful in telling the story of the 4 empires. So as an EVE player, I was disappointed.


I differ. There is a bit of a schizm in the Gallente culture. There are those who see the freedoms granted by Federation rule as a sacred duty to be upheld, and there are those who take those freedoms as a license for hedonism and unlimited personal gratification. Our protagonist is clearly one of the former. It's a common thread amongst serial killers...they're "cleaning up" elements "disgusting" to them.
I also doubt that any one chronicle can tell us anything about the four empires--except by doing it one empire at a time. I don't know about the books as I've yet to read them. There is one very important bit of flavor that I got from this story. The Caldari and the Gallente are brothers, so any conflict between them will only go so far. Contrast that with the Amarr and the Minmatar. I seriously doubt that an Amarr enclave of any sort would be left if the Minmatar conquered one of their worlds, and I think we all know what would happen to any Minmatar captured in a converse scenario.

The situation on occupied Caldari Prime shows this better than anything.
Istvaan Shogaatsu
Guiding Hand Social Club
#107 - 2013-03-28 16:48:35 UTC
Rees Noturana wrote:
Dog lives. That's all that really matters. You kill off the dog and you go on the list, right above the Amarr.


Well, they are worth far more than human lives.
Lallante
Blue Republic
RvB - BLUE Republic
#108 - 2013-03-28 17:22:37 UTC
Goran Konjich wrote:
Lallante wrote:
Goran Konjich wrote:
It's crystal clear that guards are burried in the garden. Which is fine by me :-)


What? Not its not. They were clearly other Gallente (hence the digging the garden up and the Caldari guards approving of it).

How can they have been the Caldari guards if he started "gardening" again BEFORE the Caldari invasion?


well, the -other- gallente that were "ruining" his garden were burying the random caldari guards they cought and killed around. my opinion. he knew this and this was happening all the time but he didn't mention it of course. Roll

He started gardening again before the invasion so this isn't possible, sorry
Lallante
Blue Republic
RvB - BLUE Republic
#109 - 2013-03-28 17:24:20 UTC
So noone else has any thoughts on my view that this whole chron is an Israel-Palestine reference?
Steve Ronuken
Fuzzwork Enterprises
Vote Steve Ronuken for CSM
#110 - 2013-03-28 19:21:29 UTC
Lallante wrote:
So noone else has any thoughts on my view that this whole chron is an Israel-Palestine reference?



You could say that.

Or you could say it's a Polish Ghetto reference, from WW2.

there are many instances of Ghettos being formed.

Personally, I don't think it is.

Woo! CSM XI!

Fuzzwork Enterprises

Twitter: @fuzzysteve on Twitter

Snowflake Tem
The Order of Symbolic Measures
#111 - 2013-03-29 09:15:29 UTC  |  Edited by: Snowflake Tem
Lallante wrote:

He started gardening again before the invasion so this isn't possible, sorry


There were plenty of civilian squidsters squirting around Prime prior to the invasion. They did not all run howling into the wilds when the hardliners rapped them on the knuckles. But that is not the point. The point is that we don't know.

If we did know one way or another I'd either sponsor him for the Capsualeer genome development or have the rest of his family introduced to the hospitality of the Special Department of Internal Investigations.

edit; struck out the no sense nonsense
SGRA
Deep Core Mining Inc.
Caldari State
#112 - 2013-03-30 14:35:28 UTC
Play EVE and produce a family; your draining my soul CCP.
"Where's my brushes I miss my brushes." Formal Demand for a CN Inquiry, by Alesius Lerance. https://forums.eveonline.com/default.aspx?g=posts&m=2815730&#post2815730
Katsu Masanori
University of Caille
Gallente Federation
#113 - 2013-03-30 19:00:26 UTC
Very interesting twist at the end! Good writing.
Elvis Preslie
NRDS Securities
#114 - 2013-04-01 03:00:14 UTC  |  Edited by: Elvis Preslie
Would you guys like someone to be an editor, someone with a degree in English? Your very first sentence has a grammatical error (comma splice); I didn't even attempt to proceed further, in disgust. You don't use ", and" unless you're making a list; just leave the comma out to be a conjunction of prepositional phrases.

I'd do each two or three page article for only 150 million isk.
Crazey Monkey
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#115 - 2013-04-01 06:53:40 UTC
Will this chronicle ever be added to the old list? Found here : http://community.eveonline.com/backstory/chronicles/
Or are you organizing it differently now?

Great read by the way. You know you it has a good ending if you have to re read it.
Elmund Egivand
Tribal Liberation Force
Minmatar Republic
#116 - 2013-04-02 10:28:36 UTC
I read the story, had an impression that it's a tale about an elderly Gallentean stuck in Caldari Prime since the return of the Caldari, and his experiences up till the Titan was down. I had an impression that it's a study of the Gallente and the Caldari, on how the Gallente aren't as good as we like to think and how the Caldari aren't so bad. Then I reached the ending, had to shake the shock out of me and then reread everything again.

CCP Abraxas. You should write a novel, you magnificent bastard.

A Minmatar warship is like a rusting Beetle with 500 horsepower Cardillac engines in the rear, armour plating bolted to chassis and a M2 Browning stuck on top.

CCP Abraxas
C C P
C C P Alliance
#117 - 2013-04-02 11:48:06 UTC
Alright, dog shouting and ladder climbing errors fixed. Thanks, everyone!

SamuelK wrote:
Its almost like there wasn't a year between chronicles this time. . . weird, right?
Yeah, after we launched the EVElopedia and did some reorganizing, we started doing them with every expansion, and now, more recently, to highlight important events in the game world.


Eliniale wrote:
You just couldn't resist could you Abraxas . He had to be a killer again.Other than that, good chronicle.
Dude! I haven't done a surprise killer since ... let's see ... probably Post Mortem, and maybe The Plague Years, though even that one didn't revolve around that kind of reveal Smile You should check out The Book of Emptiness, or Rust Creeps, or Burnt.


Lallante wrote:
So noone else has any thoughts on my view that this whole chron is an Israel-Palestine reference?
I do! It isn't. Like Steve Ronuken mentioned in his subsequent reply, segregated ghettos have existed for a long time. By virtue of having one, this story naturally reflects real-life instances of the same, but it isn't written to be a direct comment on any one of them.


Elvis Preslie wrote:
Your very first sentence has a grammatical error (comma splice); I didn't even attempt to proceed further, in disgust. You don't use ", and" unless you're making a list; just leave the comma out to be a conjunction of prepositional phrases.
Nah, that comma was intentional. Rules of grammar come second to the ability to clearly indicate meaning, and in this case I needed an extra beat in the sentence to imply that the woman's death and the protagonist's grief had been two prolonged and separate events, instead of just one quickly followed by the next. Putting a comma in that particular place achieved that and didn't introduce any real grammatical confusion, so I was happy with it.

Your own line is odd, though. To my mind it should've read "Your very first sentence has a grammatical error (comma splice); in my disgust I didn't even attempt to proceed further." Not sure why you moved the subordinate clause to the end.
ChromeStriker
Sebiestor Tribe
Minmatar Republic
#118 - 2013-04-02 12:24:14 UTC
CCP Abraxas wrote:


Elvis Preslie wrote:
Your very first sentence has a grammatical error (comma splice); I didn't even attempt to proceed further, in disgust. You don't use ", and" unless you're making a list; just leave the comma out to be a conjunction of prepositional phrases.
Nah, that comma was intentional. Rules of grammar come second to the ability to clearly indicate meaning, and in this case I needed an extra beat in the sentence to imply that the woman's death and the protagonist's grief had been two prolonged and separate events, instead of just one quickly followed by the next. Putting a comma in that particular place achieved that and didn't introduce any real grammatical confusion, so I was happy with it.

Your own line is odd, though. To my mind it should've read "Your very first sentence has a grammatical error (comma splice); in my disgust I didn't even attempt to proceed further." Not sure why you moved the subordinate clause to the end.


Grammar burn!!!

No Worries

Steve Ronuken
Fuzzwork Enterprises
Vote Steve Ronuken for CSM
#119 - 2013-04-02 13:06:43 UTC
ChromeStriker wrote:
CCP Abraxas wrote:


Elvis Preslie wrote:
Your very first sentence has a grammatical error (comma splice); I didn't even attempt to proceed further, in disgust. You don't use ", and" unless you're making a list; just leave the comma out to be a conjunction of prepositional phrases.
Nah, that comma was intentional. Rules of grammar come second to the ability to clearly indicate meaning, and in this case I needed an extra beat in the sentence to imply that the woman's death and the protagonist's grief had been two prolonged and separate events, instead of just one quickly followed by the next. Putting a comma in that particular place achieved that and didn't introduce any real grammatical confusion, so I was happy with it.

Your own line is odd, though. To my mind it should've read "Your very first sentence has a grammatical error (comma splice); in my disgust I didn't even attempt to proceed further." Not sure why you moved the subordinate clause to the end.


Grammar burn!!!



Muphry's law, I think. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muphry%27s_law

Woo! CSM XI!

Fuzzwork Enterprises

Twitter: @fuzzysteve on Twitter

Darth Velator
Doomheim
#120 - 2013-04-03 02:06:36 UTC
Fantastic Story!
The only problem I have with it is the burying of the bodies in the garden. Burying fish is viable as fish decompose into a natural fertilizer plants can readily enjoy. Meat - Human or otherwise - is terrible fertilizer. Land animals die above ground and are eaten by various creatures from bacteria to large scavengers (like dogs). The waste these eaters produce is the fertilizer. Meat buried in the ground doesn't become fertilizer unless it's eaten by worms. If his garden truly grew to encompass both neighboring yards, it would require virtually every worm on the planet to convert that much meat.
OK, I realize it never mentions that he buried the bodies whole and unprocessed, but his fear of people finding the bodies seems to indicate that they were buried as bodies and not pre-processed.
Of course, the story also never mentions how he was able to provide food for his dog...