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EVE denizens, advise me please

Author
silens vesica
Corsair Cartel
#41 - 2013-01-22 16:42:21 UTC
Lovely Dumplings wrote:
Thanks for all of your kind words and ideas.

De nada. Cool
We only play at trolls in-game. IRL, most of us are actual human beings.
Blink

Quote:
I've actually gotten in touch with the local VFW, told them the story of what happened, and the guy in charge said they'd be willing to host honors for my grandfather, when I can get to the area. I'll be visiting with my partner, and close friends of mine.

This.^ Most excellent. Cool


Quote:
Honestly, this is the final straw in many, many years of problems with my family accepting me for who I am. I won't be antagonistic about it, but, I'm not having anything more to do with my family.

Look out for yourself and your own needs - if you're not taking care of that, you can't take care of anything, or anyone, else. As you say, there's no need for drama; leave like a cat - just turn and walk away.

Be Well.

Tell someone you love them today, because life is short. But scream it at them in Esperanto, because life is also terrifying and confusing.

Didn't vote? Then you voted for NulBloc

Zimmy Zeta
Perkone
Caldari State
#42 - 2013-01-22 16:56:35 UTC
Lovely Dumplings wrote:
(snip)

Thanks again. Everyone talks BS about the EVE community, but you folks have been wonderful towards a perfect stranger in a rough time.


You are welcome.
We are not that bad.
Still, fitting a decent tank on your barge and checking d-scan once in a while is strongly recommended when dealing with us.

I'd like to apologize for the poor quality of the post above and sincerely hope you didn't waste your time reading it. Yes, I do feel bad about it.

Lovely Dumplings
My Little Pony Appreciation Corporation
#43 - 2013-01-26 11:47:19 UTC
Apologies for the slight necro on this, but I thought it right to let ya'll know what happened. On Thursday, myself, my partner, and close friends returned to my hometown to pay Grandpa his last respects. The VFW was awesome, and actually re-created the grave site, with casket and all (the casket, of course was empty). Grandpa got his three volleys, Taps, and flag honors rendered. Afterwards, there were many rounds in his name at the VFW hall, and war stories shared.

Turns out, my mother didn't request military honors at the "first" funeral, so I'm glad Grandpa got the send-off he deserved. Thanks again for everyone's advice, well-wishes, and condolences.

www.minerbumping.com

Juno Valerii
Federal Navy Academy
Gallente Federation
#44 - 2013-01-26 12:53:53 UTC
I'm glad it worked out for you in the end and it sounds like your grandfather got the send off he deserved the second time around anyway. I've had major issues with my family my entire life and made the decision to just cut them off a while back. While I don't necessarily advocate that particular path for you, I understand how you feel.
Rana Ash
Gradient
Electus Matari
#45 - 2013-01-26 13:17:39 UTC
Wow, great bunch of people whom did that. I am sure your grandfather is smiling at yah. Happy you got some kind of solace and closure..
SeenButNotHeard
Perkone
Caldari State
#46 - 2013-01-26 14:27:42 UTC
Not entirely sure why, this thread made me feel a bit sad.

Maybe it is just nice to see Eve players not being tools for once.

Am glad you Gramps got his send off - not all of us get to do it twice Smile

Nuff respect.
AstraPardus
Earthside Mixlabs
#47 - 2013-01-26 15:19:27 UTC
I feel that you are right for being insulted and angry. What I would do, personally, is I would go to the grave with my significant other (if they wished to accompany me) and I would have my own private mourning...and I would go in full uniform (if I were a vet, which I am not).

Sadly, this kind of thing happens to many people. I'm in an interracial marriage and converted to Buddhism with my wife, and some of my family is uncomfortable with those things; we're not on speaking terms, including my mother, who I used to have such a good relationship with.

I believe, and always have, that the family you choose often means more than the family you're born into.
Every time I post is Pardy time! :3
SeenButNotHeard
Perkone
Caldari State
#48 - 2013-01-26 15:35:49 UTC  |  Edited by: SeenButNotHeard
AstraPardus wrote:


I believe, and always have, that the family you choose often means more than the family you're born into.


This is so true.

After hearing my own Brother tell my Mother that "family is no more important than friends" I realised who the important people were.

It is those people you love being around. No more than that.

EDIT - now I thought about this I have realised that I have turned into the very thing that annoyed me in the first place. And that annoys me.

Damn I am annoyed. Haha

Seriously tho - families are a special category all of their own. They only equal each other in how special they are and how annoying they are.
Cierejai
Biofuel Productions
#49 - 2013-01-26 21:38:34 UTC
If you know that your family doesn't like your lifestyle, why would you rub it in their face at a funeral? You would deliberately cause them distress in a time of mourning, whether or not you are consciously aware of this is irrelevant.

You wouldn't show them respect, but you demand it in return?

See the problem?
Krixtal Icefluxor
INLAND EMPIRE Galactic
#50 - 2013-01-26 21:44:25 UTC
Cierejai wrote:
If you know that your family doesn't like your lifestyle



This is the root of the problem (and your ignorance).

What gives them the right to not 'like' a 'lifestyle' ? Living is living. You sir need a big attitude change.

"He has mounted his hind-legs, and blown crass vapidities through the bowel of his neck."  - Ambrose Bierce on Oscar Wilde's Lecture in San Francisco 1882

SeenButNotHeard
Perkone
Caldari State
#51 - 2013-01-26 21:49:03 UTC
Cierejai wrote:
If you know that your family doesn't like your lifestyle, why would you rub it in their face at a funeral? You would deliberately cause them distress in a time of mourning, whether or not you are consciously aware of this is irrelevant.

You wouldn't show them respect, but you demand it in return?

See the problem?


Where does the OP mention lifestyle? It isn't a lifestyle. That person is who they are. Defending shallow-mindedness, in the way that you do, is frankly depressing.

Marie Hartinez
Aries Munitions and Defense
#52 - 2013-01-26 22:11:14 UTC
AstraPardus wrote:
I feel that you are right for being insulted and angry. What I would do, personally, is I would go to the grave with my significant other (if they wished to accompany me) and I would have my own private mourning...and I would go in full uniform (if I were a vet, which I am not).

Sadly, this kind of thing happens to many people. I'm in an interracial marriage and converted to Buddhism with my wife, and some of my family is uncomfortable with those things; we're not on speaking terms, including my mother, who I used to have such a good relationship with.

I believe, and always have, that the family you choose often means more than the family you're born into.


Sounds almost like my life.

My mother's family has disowned me because I "dared" to married outside of my "race". They're pretty hardcore German and Catholic. I was bought up to believe that I should only marry a wife who is blonde and blued like myself.

I dared and married an exotic dark haired and brown eyed Latina Catholic woman. I mean, at least she is Catholic.

You can't help who you fall in love with.

They refused to attend my wedding, refused to visit the hospital when our daughter was born, and they refuse to believe that she is my kid. I haven't talked to them in years, and I feel that I'm better without them.

My wife's family is very open minded about me and my "strange" German culture. They're more a family to me then either my mother's or father's side. Though, my father's family is happy that I have a loving wife and kid.

Surrender is still your slightly less painful option.

NeoShocker
The Dark Space Initiative
Scary Wormhole People
#53 - 2013-01-27 07:03:06 UTC
Lovely Dumplings wrote:
Kahu ia Kane'ohe wrote:
Lovely Dumplings wrote:

The reason i was given was: "Well if we had told you when it happened you would have shown up at the funeral with your partner, and you know how the rest of the family would react to that." They basically waited till after the funeral, to tell me.

So you didn't even attend the funeral?



Nope, didn't get to attend. I got told Grandpa died today, the day after they held the funeral.


Wow, that is extremely ****** up.
silens vesica
Corsair Cartel
#54 - 2013-01-27 07:54:23 UTC
Lovely Dumplings wrote:
Apologies for the slight necro on this, but I thought it right to let ya'll know what happened. On Thursday, myself, my partner, and close friends returned to my hometown to pay Grandpa his last respects. The VFW was awesome, and actually re-created the grave site, with casket and all (the casket, of course was empty). Grandpa got his three volleys, Taps, and flag honors rendered. Afterwards, there were many rounds in his name at the VFW hall, and war stories shared.

Turns out, my mother didn't request military honors at the "first" funeral, so I'm glad Grandpa got the send-off he deserved. Thanks again for everyone's advice, well-wishes, and condolences.

Properly done. Bravo Zulu.

Tell someone you love them today, because life is short. But scream it at them in Esperanto, because life is also terrifying and confusing.

Didn't vote? Then you voted for NulBloc

Mallak Azaria
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#55 - 2013-01-27 08:07:25 UTC
Lovely Dumplings wrote:
So I just found out that my grandfather, whom I had a close relationship growing up with, recently died. My parents decided not to tell me because they were afraid I'd bring my Significant Other and "cause conflict" in the family.

Grandpa was a WW2 vet. I was planning on attending his funeral in uniform and assist with the honor detail (I'm a military vet).

So, Eve has been my on again-off again family over the years...what do I do? I've never been this angry in my life.


(Yes, me and my partner are of the same gender. My parents don't accept that. Can we please just leave that here, and not turn things into a homo/hetero fight?)


Sever contact. They obviously have no respect for you as a person because of who you are & you deserve better than that.

This post was lovingly crafted by a member of the Goonwaffe Posting Cabal, proud member of the popular gay hookup site somethingawful.com, Spelling Bee, Grammar Gestapo & #1 Official Gevlon Goblin Fanclub member.

Brujo Loco
Brujeria Teologica
#56 - 2013-01-27 16:30:36 UTC
Wow .. that´s ... WOW ... I´m actually angry ... A LOT, such disrespect and bigotry. It goes beyond sexual orientation. Wow, can´really say much else. This "special" family of yours, better off away from them. Ugh X

Reciprocity is an actual concept based on reality.

People that give zero or negative to my life are cut off, and honestly I am waaaaay better off like that.

But then again, that´s me. I know other people actually care for that strange masochistic bond that the illusion of "family" entails, and I can respect that in them, but not me, in me they hit a real cold steel wall.

Can´t really advice on how to behave in that situation, but let me say, that at least, in this side of the pond, you have one person that actually felt a tiny bit angry at how you were treated.

Hope everything goes well for you and sorry for your loss.

o7

Inner Sayings of BrujoLoco: http://eve-files.com/sig/brujoloco

Emma Royd
Maddled Gommerils
#57 - 2013-01-27 20:18:36 UTC  |  Edited by: Emma Royd
I guess I don't realise how 'lucky' I am

My brother is homosexual, it's never been a problem in the only family that matters (me, my wife, my mum and dad), it was never brought up with my in-laws, at the time my brother in law was very anti-homosexual so while we didn't hide it, we didn't bring it up as a topic of conversation.

I've been fortunate (if it can be described as fortunate) to be at the hospital bedside of my mum, and both my parents in law when they passed away. None of them were concious but it still gave a sense of closure as we could say our goodbye's.

I can't imagine the pain of your situation happening to me, and I truly feel for you and your partner, if you can't rely on family in these times when can you?

It's a shame that they can't accept your sexuality and move on.

Personally I would move on, yes you will be angry and rightly so, but it's the kind of anger that will eat at you for years if it you let it. Forgive although 'forget' will probably never happen, accept the fact that they can't accept you, but as long as you've got a loving partner to give you strength then you will be able to get through this.

Be a better person than your family, if they sometime in the future realise what they did, and how it upset you, they may accept you for what you are rather than what they want.

Sorry for your loss, your grief, and your hassles :(
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