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Crime & Punishment

 
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OMG!!!!!! eve hitman
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Cassiopeia en Chalune
Scathe Foundation
#21 - 2013-01-02 13:58:40 UTC
FloppieTheBanjoClown wrote:
So this squeaky-voiced kid calls me up and says "I heard you're the guy to call to have people rubbed out."

"Listen kid, I don't know what you heard, but I don't swing that way," I answered.

"No!" he replied in disgust, "I mean bumped off!"

"I don't follow. You want me to...body check them?"

"I WANT YOU TO KILL THE SCUMBAGS!" he shouted.

"Oh, that. You should really say what you mean instead of trying to make it sound all seductive with the rubbing and bumping stuff. I thought you were trying to come on to me like that guy Carlos last week. He wanted me to--"

"SHUT UP! What the hell is wrong with you? Can you kill them or not?" He seemed annoyed. And loud.

I sighed. Obviously this one had never heard of manners. Or sting operations. "Yeah sure, who are they? Mafia types? Extortionists? Drug dealers? Democrats?"

"They made me mad on the internet and I want them gone. I'll give you five thousand dollars for both."

"Okay. Mmph. Which room are they in?"

"Room? What the hell do you mean?"

"I need to know which room they're in so I can kill them. I'm not playing hide and seek for five grand. Make it quick...living room? Kitchen? Front closet?"

"Are you high or something? I don't know where they are or their real names! Just who they are in Eve Online."

"Oh. I thought you knew."

"Knew what?"

"About the pants fee. If I have to put on pants to kill someone, there's a $45,000 fee per target. I'll waive the $5,000 base cost for multiples, so it'll only cost you $90,000....Hello? Hello? Are you there? Hmm....guess I won't need those pants after all."


Careful - you could do it without putting your pants on - for 5K - I'd rig his IP address with explosives - next time he logs on, it'd all blow up in his face ...

Just kidding. I would never do such a thing.

O.o
Etherealclams
#22 - 2013-01-02 15:03:46 UTC
report him, get him banned for irl threats and lol at him.

http://aclamthatrants.blogspot.com/ Read up on my adventures.
Signal11th
#23 - 2013-01-03 10:18:26 UTC  |  Edited by: Signal11th
merc king wrote:
ok so i know alot of people come here to send people after me and my alliance but this guy sounds so serious on sending hit man in real life to people in my corp this is part of the long convo


The Kovenant > Alex Thiesantes > should I make a phone call and spent lets say 5grand ?? and I am not Kidding here:-))
The Kovenant > Alex Thiesantes > 5000 real dollars
The Kovenant > Alex Thiesantes > rofl, no going to kill you guys
The Kovenant > Alex Thiesantes > you will prob, find out in a couple of days
The Kovenant > Alex Thiesantes > you and you friend
The Kovenant > Alex Thiesantes > I let other people do the work, I know you dont believe, but I dont care, the bigger will the surprise be for you scums


lol will it happen we will c Twisted



I would like to introduce you to the new service for threatened and worried capsuleers like yourself:

I am a representative for the newly inducted Goon Intervention & Managed Protection Services. (tm)

Please send me 500mil isk and I can make all your hitman woes disappear or at worst, the least of your worries.

God Said "Come Forth and receive eternal life!" I came fifth and won a toaster!
Ifly Uwalk
Perkone
Caldari State
#24 - 2013-01-03 10:32:09 UTC
Signal11th wrote:
Goon ... 500mil

And just like that, the thread magic is gone.
Buhhdust Princess
Mind Games.
#25 - 2013-01-03 10:43:44 UTC
I love how since i posted "Merc King is gone love hitman". He's actually stopped posting.
Black Necromunger
Alternative Catering
Who Dares Wins.
#26 - 2013-01-03 15:57:51 UTC
Mark Munoz
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#27 - 2013-01-03 21:18:56 UTC
you should take the trolling to epic levels. Report his ass then get a lawyer to get the guys RL identity so you can file a law suit. Trolling at its finest!
flakeys
Doomheim
#28 - 2013-01-04 12:08:36 UTC
Buhhdust Princess wrote:
I love how since i posted "Merc King is gone love hitman". He's actually stopped posting.


Actually he didn't before that.Has not posted in 2 days.Well now we know who we should not get mad in this game .

We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.
Herzog Wolfhammer
Sigma Special Tactics Group
#29 - 2013-01-05 05:19:42 UTC
The only way you would get a real hit man for 5Gs is if someone owed you a favor.

Bring back DEEEEP Space!
Surfin's PlunderBunny
Sebiestor Tribe
Minmatar Republic
#30 - 2013-01-05 05:36:09 UTC
Herzog Wolfhammer wrote:
The only way you would get a real hit man for 5Gs is if someone owed you a favor.



Or a bunch of money

"Little ginger moron" ~David Hasselhoff 

Want to see what Surf is training or how little isk Surf has?  http://eveboard.com/pilot/Surfin%27s_PlunderBunny
Mikeh24
Federal Navy Academy
Gallente Federation
#31 - 2013-01-06 16:58:08 UTC
Surfin's PlunderBunny wrote:
Herzog Wolfhammer wrote:
The only way you would get a real hit man for 5Gs is if someone owed you a favor.



Or a bunch of money


At least $5,000 worth of money.
Kristopher Rocancourt
Sebiestor Tribe
Minmatar Republic
#32 - 2013-01-08 12:59:20 UTC
Call your local Police FIRST and let them handle it.
Much more effective than going through the CCP ticket monkeys first.

http://killalliance.co.uk/tears/tears-holeysheet/

Piugattuk
Litla Sundlaugin
#33 - 2013-01-08 17:00:32 UTC
Can't say because I don't know the whole story, but one thing seems to have gotten lost if you are messing with the wacko leave them alone, no death threats, but if you keep poking at them you're asking for an unstable person to mess with you.

But yes, go into your eve log and save the whole convo just incase a legal case needs to be opened.
Alex Grison
Grison Universal
#34 - 2013-01-08 20:56:30 UTC
merc king wrote:
ok so i know alot of people come here to send people after me and my alliance but this guy sounds so serious on sending hit man in real life to people in my corp this is part of the long convo


The Kovenant > Alex Thiesantes > should I make a phone call and spent lets say 5grand ?? and I am not Kidding here:-))
The Kovenant > Alex Thiesantes > 5000 real dollars
The Kovenant > Alex Thiesantes > rofl, no going to kill you guys
The Kovenant > Alex Thiesantes > you will prob, find out in a couple of days
The Kovenant > Alex Thiesantes > you and you friend
The Kovenant > Alex Thiesantes > I let other people do the work, I know you dont believe, but I dont care, the bigger will the surprise be for you scums


lol will it happen we will c Twisted


Petition and Prosecute.

yes
Kyril Bonfiglioli
School of Applied Knowledge
Caldari State
#35 - 2013-01-10 03:27:36 UTC
Tortise Winkle VonDudenberg wrote:
I too cry to ccp when i am "real life threatened". Doin that sounds worse than whatever you did to insight that rage. People tend to say some pretty crazy stuff when there pixels get exploded. This is one of them times. Petition or not. Whatever you did, Made him very angry.

Yes he made him angry, but the other guy escalated it way beyond just being ingame angry. Definately petition it. If you actually know the person, you can get a feel for whether he/she is serious or not, but if you don't know them personally, this is just another potentially dangerous crackpot who could be unhinged enough to be serious. It is not about "crying to CCP", it is about documenting through official channels.
IbanezLaney
The Church of Awesome
#36 - 2013-01-10 08:49:25 UTC
I'd have some fun with him.

1. Make an alt.

2. Convo him and take the contract on yourself.

3. Get $5000

4. Send lolz mail.

5. Receive more free tears

6. Goto 1



https://soundcloud.com/ibanezlaney
Mr LaboratoryRat
Confederation of DuckTape Lovers
#37 - 2013-01-10 15:30:50 UTC
for 5000 you can only hire some scrub junky to do the work. obvius he hasnt got any knowlage of the hfh market. i would take him serious if he he forgot a 0 behind it Blink
Dominator Marshall
Primal Instinct Inc.
The Initiative.
#38 - 2013-01-10 16:59:02 UTC
If you're that worried let CCP and the police deal with the idiot.

I would however say, unless you have given this person your full real name and location it will be practically impossible for this person to locate you. I would just LOL tbh.......some gimp behind a screen acting the internet hard man.
Spheranzinne
Color of Violence
#39 - 2013-01-10 18:48:47 UTC
get out of the house, move in an arbitrary direction, when u cant see your house anymore, bookmark the place with your highend gps phone. call it "SAFE", so you know what it means. when in trouble walk there and cloak.
merc king
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#40 - 2013-01-12 02:41:37 UTC
nope still here
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