Intergalactic Summit

I had a disturbing realization this morning.
I have no memories.

To be more accurate, I have no memories of my life before being a pod pilot. Even in my earliest memories I'm already in the pod, and then it's still pretty foggy.
I can only accurately remember back to a year or so ago.
I don't know exactly how long I've been a capsuleer but, I do know it's been much longer than a year. . .
I know I was working for the Gallentians for some time but, when did I start? Why was I working for them? Am I even Gallentian?
I was told that I'm Intaki but I have no way to verify this on my own.
I don't know who my parents are; I don't know if I have any living family.

I wonder how many other capsuleers are like this. And if there are more people who suffer from this, what is the cause?

I myself suffer complete retrograde amnesia and partial anteriograde amnesia. You have my sympathy, it's not much fun, is it? In my case this was caused by a discontinuous event during a neural remapping conducted some three years ago. I lost all memories of before the event and have difficulty in retaining and recalling memories now. To be honest, I went into a semiconscious coma which I have only been out of for perhaps one year at this point.

Amnesia is a difficult thing to understand and comes in several forms. Most of the issues arise from damage to the hippocampus and other related midbrain structures. Accidents do happen, both during implantation and clone transfer, and amnesia is only one of many possible effects of these errors. Were I you, I would visit a skilled and trusted neurosurgeon for a midbrain assessment as soon as you're able.

Best of luck in your efforts.

I can only advise my employer, Lai Dai Research Biomedical and Cybernetic. They have helped me immensely, to the point where I am not only a patient but also a research associate. If you would like more information, feel free to message me privately.

The brain isn't an organ to be tampered with lightly. Since meeting Scherezad, I've had a single neural remapping procedure done, for which I took the precaution of updating my cold clone template and leaving instructions that in the event of a mishap I should be euthanized and reanimated. Fortunately, the procedure went flawlessly.

We're more fragile than many of us like to believe. Sure, thanks to my hot clones I can survive warfare, and thanks to my cold clones I can return from anything else with only a few hours or days of missing time to show for it, but I go to great lengths to ensure that the brain scans I have in storage are pristine, and that they're backed up and distributed across multiple stations. Some of my backups are so old and so deeply secured that if they ever needed activating I'd wake up thinking it was YC108.

I intend to live for a good chunk of forever. Part of that is taking the precautions necessary to keeping myself in top condition. For most of my body, that's as simple as having a good clone. For my brain, it's the more complex matter of safety measure stacked upon safety measure, redundancy nested within redundancy.

A terrifying prospect, the loss of one's mind. Many contingencies by me are kept in-case of an unforeseen disaster or several. I pray that these plans will not have to be tested.

Many take their supposed immortality for granted, many are fools. Do not be going carelessly forth like a child, our foundations are weak and corruptible as any.

It would be nice for you to rediscover your lost memories, so I hope to this end that you are successful. I do caution that you do not search so hard as to lose sight of the present, it may after-all be the case that they are experiences better left forgotten or otherwise covered up for good reason.

If you were in the employ of a Caldari corporation, your disappearance will be known about.

We have a very high record of accuracy when it comes to book-keeping who comes and goes in the State. This is because it's a simple matter of referencing against an employee database for us. .

The information is probably available if you do a bit of digging.

The fact that you recently realized that you had no memories, and not one year ago, leads me to believe that whatever happened, happened the day before you woke up that morning. You probably realized this, but considering your brain could be damaged in other areas as well, I thought I should mention this.

In case you can't find easy answers, consider these things:

When most souls enter the universe, they have no recollection of their life before they were born. You could say you were reborn, in a way.

I am not a big fan of asking "Who am I?" or "Where do I come from?". To a lesser extend, this also goes for "Who did I used to be?". For me, it is the present that matters, and who I am is answered every day by the things I do and the thoughts I have. If I did not know that I am of Gallentean ethnicity, I would not wonder about it, for it does not matter, I am still me.

I can imagine that you would want to find out if there are possible threats from your past to your person, but like someone pointed out, you could re-activate those threats by poking around in your past.
Perhaps you have a family who loves and misses you, but perhaps they hate you, or you hate them, and you had reasons to forget about them and/or yourself. Again, I'm mirroring statements made by others.

So I would initially focus on why you've lost your memories, and not on what memories you've lost.

Peace,

-Ché Biko

Thank you for the information you have given me thus far.
I have already begun my own investigation in regards to who I was before and who may have had motive to wipe my memories

I fear this is going to get worse before it gets better though.

Heh, did not know could lose one's memories by becoming a capsuleer.

Regardless, I suggest you embrace the situation life has given you, and look at it as a blessing, not a curse.  You have a chance to redefine yourself as whatever you wish to be, and are free from some of the things that held you back before.  Sure, if you wish to find out who you were, do so, but realize that you are no longer the person you once was, and do not let your past self dictate who you are and what wish to do.  In a way, you are more free than most of us.

Eight years ago I awoke in a hospital within a Vherokior tribe station; no recollection of who I was or where I was from and with difficulty speaking fluently. i later learned that I had been recovered from the wreckage of a star ship in a dead space complex already capsule-compatible, handed over to the hospital by a capsuleer heavily wounded and having been exposed to dangerous low pressures, but not true vacuum.

My treatment progressed normally, if slightly delayed and after a year of both being an in and out patient I was considered healthy and mentally sound. During this time I met a man named Retht. Retht was a Brutor man of some stature and belonged to a sect of monks that practiced a strain of Vherokior mysticism. he had grown weary of his duties and we swapped places, the monastery for the outside world, seven years later I found someone I deemed more capable then me and traded places with them. After purchasing the memories and techniques required to pilot basic star ships I left the monastery with my small collection of things and flew about the stars like all of you.