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Caldari Prime
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Bigpimping
Pimp Inc.
#1 - 2012-09-21 01:20:35 UTC
I write to you, my fair acquaintances, from the pleasure gardens of Orbital Hub Gamma far above Caldari prime.

As I spin my fluorescent cane through the sluggish air emanating from the nearby holoarillo stand, I can't help but wonder; what is there to do in this fetid pile of a galactic turd that calls itself a capital planet.

Where are the buxom Gallentian broads or the wizened crones one would find in any corner of Amarrian space, always eager to provide any kind of illicit substance thrown to the forefront of a bored mind finding itself on a boring world?

Even the minmatar lackies hauling their pokey rickshaws here are dead-eyed and without spark, let alone working headlamps.

So my question is dear compatriots, seasoned travellers of a thousand worlds, what in Ston's name is there to do in this detestable place?

At the very least I think I'll get my top hat trimmed later, the damnable thing is growing at an alarming rate.
Malcolm Khross
Doomheim
#2 - 2012-09-21 01:45:14 UTC
It is precisely visitors of your tone and nature that reinforce why the State is so unwelcoming to jaijii, outsiders. You brandish ill word and harsh judgment because we do not offer the sort of debauchery you are seeking.

My advice? Go elsewhere and find your thrills in a place more prone to them.

~Malcolm Khross
Rhiannon Dellacorte
Liberty Vanguard
#3 - 2012-09-21 02:08:20 UTC
Bigpimping wrote:
Caldari Prime.


Bigpimping wrote:
[...]that calls itself a capital planet.


Don't you mean New Caldari Prime? Because um, Caldari Prime? The original one, in the Luminaire system? The one with a Titan in its orbit? I don't think its been a capital planet since the Secession, i.e. 200 years ago. That might be part of your trouble.

Rules of Acquisition #261

A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
Tiberious Thessalonia
True Slave Foundations
#4 - 2012-09-21 16:20:42 UTC
And this is exactly what the proliferation of Gallente-style hedonism without it's particular sense of style brings to the cluster.

A flourescent cane? Really? Not everything has to glow, you know.
Saede Riordan
Alexylva Paradox
#5 - 2012-09-21 16:31:10 UTC
Seriphyn Inhonores
Elusenian Cooperative
#6 - 2012-09-22 00:47:14 UTC
Tiberious Thessalonia wrote:
And this is exactly what the proliferation of Gallente-style hedonism without it's particular sense of style brings to the cluster.


Uneducated fobs who read up about Federation cultures all on GalNet fail to realize it is very possible to have hedonism with class and taste. Just read Caille Catwalk.
Zhang Ekida
Doomheim
#7 - 2012-09-22 00:59:40 UTC
One would think a bit of research would have resolved this matter without the need to involve everyone else.
Cmdr Baxter
Deep Core Mining Inc.
Caldari State
#8 - 2012-09-22 01:29:21 UTC
Zhang Ekida wrote:
One would think a bit of research would have resolved this matter without the need to involve everyone else.

Too logical. This is the Intergalactic Summit, after all, site of unending social drama, struggles, and confrontations. Where else could we entertain baseliners in such grand style?

Commander S. "Old Man" Baxter, CN (ret.)

Chief Archivist, The Synenose Accord
Amaki Mai
Doomheim
#9 - 2012-09-22 05:24:29 UTC
Tiberious Thessalonia wrote:
A flourescent cane? Really? Not everything has to glow, you know.


Psssst... Mister Thessalonia... He's clearly COMPENSATING for something...
Ruby Amatucci
Tomorrowland Orphanage
#10 - 2012-09-22 14:15:02 UTC  |  Edited by: Ruby Amatucci
Tiberious Thessalonia wrote:
And this is exactly what the proliferation of Gallente-style hedonism without it's particular sense of style brings to the cluster.

A flourescent cane? Really? Not everything has to glow, you know.

It depends, you know. If it's an original Rue du Luminé, it can actually be stylish, but if it's just a cheap look-alike, that's just kitsch. In any case, it's kind of nice to see a man actually attempt to dress up, for once.

Actually, Tibs, and please please please hear me out, I've run it through a computer sim, and a top hat would look really good on you. Nothing too fluffy and colorful, just finehaired and black, with perhaps a touch of red. It would compliment your beard really well and just...enhance that aura of authority, responsibility and dignity you already radiate.
Tiberious Thessalonia
True Slave Foundations
#11 - 2012-09-22 18:14:53 UTC
Ruby Amatucci wrote:
Tiberious Thessalonia wrote:
And this is exactly what the proliferation of Gallente-style hedonism without it's particular sense of style brings to the cluster.

A flourescent cane? Really? Not everything has to glow, you know.

It depends, you know. If it's an original Rue du Luminé, it can actually be stylish, but if it's just a cheap look-alike, that's just kitsch. In any case, it's kind of nice to see a man actually attempt to dress up, for once.

Actually, Tibs, and please please please hear me out, I've run it through a computer sim, and a top hat would look really good on you. Nothing too fluffy and colorful, just finehaired and black, with perhaps a touch of red. It would compliment your beard really well and just...enhance that aura of authority, responsibility and dignity you already radiate.


No.
Shiroh Yatamii
Alexylva Paradox
#12 - 2012-09-24 08:23:42 UTC
I don't want to live in this cluster anymore.
Ruby Amatucci
Tomorrowland Orphanage
#13 - 2012-09-25 01:34:19 UTC
So I went ahead and had that hat made for you, Tibs. And a few other pieces of evening wear, too, just to be sure it all matches. Dressing up isn't something you want to do halfway, trust me.

When will you have time to try it on? I can bring it wherever.
Fraxi Nilanth
Alexylva Paradox
#14 - 2012-09-25 01:40:51 UTC
Ruby Amatucci wrote:
So I went ahead and had that hat made for you, Tibs. And a few other pieces of evening wear, too, just to be sure it all matches. Dressing up isn't something you want to do halfway, trust me.

When will you have time to try it on? I can bring it wherever.



I like her, she sticks to her principles.

Fraxi Nilanth: Albino Spacejanitor Extraordinaire
Tiberious Thessalonia
True Slave Foundations
#15 - 2012-09-25 01:45:13 UTC
Ruby Amatucci wrote:
So I went ahead and had that hat made for you, Tibs. And a few other pieces of evening wear, too, just to be sure it all matches. Dressing up isn't something you want to do halfway, trust me.

When will you have time to try it on? I can bring it wherever.


No.
Ruby Amatucci
Tomorrowland Orphanage
#16 - 2012-09-25 02:09:07 UTC
Tiberious Thessalonia wrote:
No.

I saw you said that, and I was going to leave it alone, I really was. But then I figured you secretly meant "yes".

Once you see how handsome you look in it, you'll come around. I know you will.
Diana Kim
State Protectorate
Caldari State
#17 - 2012-09-25 05:21:42 UTC
Someone, pass me that shotgun! Quickly, quickly!

Honored are the dead, for their legacy guides us.

In memory of Tibus Heth, Caldari State Executor YC110-115, Hero and Patriot.
Caviar Liberta
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#18 - 2012-09-25 07:54:51 UTC
Tiberious Thessalonia wrote:
Ruby Amatucci wrote:
So I went ahead and had that hat made for you, Tibs. And a few other pieces of evening wear, too, just to be sure it all matches. Dressing up isn't something you want to do halfway, trust me.

When will you have time to try it on? I can bring it wherever.


No.


Have you seen the well-to-do, up and down the Crystal Boulevard
On that famous thoroughfare, with their noses in the air
High hats and Arrowed collars, white spats and lots of dollars
Spending every dime, for a wonderful time
If you're blue and you don't know where to go to
Why don't you go where fashion sits,
Puttin' on the ritz.
Makkal Hanaya
Revenent Defence Corperation
#19 - 2012-09-25 21:34:38 UTC  |  Edited by: Makkal Hanaya
New Caldari is a single jump from Jita 4-4, the busiest trading hub in the system. Only one system over. My personal experience was that I couldn't take ten steps without someone offering me the sort of 'fun' I want to know nothing about.

Render unto Khanid the things which are Khanid's; and unto God the things that are God's.
Gussarde en Welle
Aliastra
Gallente Federation
#20 - 2012-10-15 21:28:59 UTC
Makkal Hanaya wrote:
New Caldari is a single jump from Jita 4-4, the busiest trading hub in the system. Only one system over. My personal experience was that I couldn't take ten steps without someone offering me the sort of 'fun' I want to know nothing about.


You said it. Caldari play up this staunch image of stark austerity, but bubbling just beneath the surface is every manner of kinky filth imaginable, and some kinds that are unimaginable. Face it, Caldari don't like us because we're more creative and better looking.
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