These forums have been archived and are now read-only.

The new forums are live and can be found at https://forums.eveonline.com/

Intergalactic Summit

 
  • Topic is locked indefinitely.
 

Jin-Mei Melon Smugglers threaten Lirsautton agricultural economy ?
Author
Previous Topic Next Topic
Muck Raker
Gutter Press
#1 - 2012-07-15 09:14:25 UTC  |  Edited by: Muck Raker
Gutter Press recently investigated claims by Lirsautton melon farmers, about a disturbing situation!

Gangs of melon smugglers are avoiding both customs taxes, and exporting rare varieties, threatening the Lirsautton monopoly on the numerous varieties of melons that have been cultivated over hundreds of years!

These luxury melons form a substantial part of the Lirsautton agricultural export economy!

We spoke to several Jin-Mei melon farmers who were most disgruntled about this situation.
"It shouldn't be allowed. The melons are of supreme importance to the Jing Ko. It is a Sang Do conspiracy to suppress us!" said one.
"Do not listen to the Saan Go. They are bureaucrats" said another.

We then talked to some Lirsautton government officials, who denied any melon smuggling was taking place.
"This is a complete fabrication, there are no women gangs of melon smugglers." said one regional director of agriculture.

Talking to Federation Customs in the Lirsautton system, revealed the following situation.

"We once caught a Jin-Mei woman smuggling two melons under her shirt. We confiscated the melons, as she didn't have a food products export certificate. Other than that, I have no idea what the Jin Mei can be agitating about. I just smile and nod most of the time." said a Gallente customs officer working in Lirsautton.

Amazing!

Rumours, Wars, Rumours of Wars, Wars of Rumours!
Calliste Gessenier
Doomheim
#2 - 2012-07-15 09:40:52 UTC
I once knew more than one Sang Do overlord who seemed unable to resist getting their hands on Jing-Ko melons at every opportunity.

Most troubling it seems that demand for authentic Lirsautton melons has risen in the Federation that it may be funding an underground market. It seems no one keep their hands off them these days.
Scherezad
Revenent Defence Corperation
Ishuk-Raata Enforcement Directive
#3 - 2012-07-15 15:35:41 UTC
I don't get it.
Kalaratiri
Full Broadside
Deepwater Hooligans
#4 - 2012-07-15 15:45:50 UTC
Scherezad wrote:
I don't get it.


Boobs.

She's mad but she's magic, there's no lie in her fire.

This is possibly one of the worst threads in the history of these forums.  - CCP Falcon

I don't remember when last time you said something that wasn't either dumb or absurd. - Diana Kim
Nick Bete
Highsec Haulers Inc.
#5 - 2012-07-15 17:15:28 UTC
I really don't care where the melons come from as long as they're ripe and firm.
Benjamin Eastwood
#6 - 2012-07-15 17:19:45 UTC
Melon smugglers? That's terrible, but I think a more pressing matter is the widespread wanton molestation of immature hanging Long-limbs, and the effects it can have on their delicate developmental years.

"Endless ISK, the sinews of war"
Scherezad
Revenent Defence Corperation
Ishuk-Raata Enforcement Directive
#7 - 2012-07-15 17:21:26 UTC
Kalaratiri wrote:
Scherezad wrote:
I don't get it.


Boobs.


I understand now. Does this really pass for groundbreaking Gallente journalism? This is the sort of thing I hear from the first-year SAK interns. Can't we do any better than this?
Aria Jenneth
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#8 - 2012-07-15 17:36:41 UTC  |  Edited by: Aria Jenneth
Scherezad wrote:
Does this really pass for groundbreaking Gallente journalism?


No, no, it really does not. Well-- I guess it depends on which "ground" you're talking about.

If it's the ground directly above "a new low," then yes.

Muck Raker is the kind of journalist whose work is more ... entertainment ... than news. She's a tabloid reporter who occasionally hits on something worth talking about.

Best not hold your breath waiting for those, though.
Tessa Scyne
Shadowknight Securities
#9 - 2012-07-16 00:08:29 UTC  |  Edited by: Tessa Scyne
Muck Raker wrote:
...These luxury melons form a substantial part of the Lirsautton agricultural export economy...


Oh? So I take it that these are not fake nor old and saggy? This is concerning as I love to partake in big young melons and do not wish to have some woman tell me to put her juicy melons in my mouth and I have no way of knowing where they have been.

Muck Raker, you are a public service.

CEO, **SHADOWKNIGHT**securites ||  "Your Light in the Darkness."
Halete
Sebiestor Tribe
Minmatar Republic
#10 - 2012-07-16 00:56:46 UTC
Denying that my partner has any involvement in melon smuggling.

"To know the true path, but yet, to never follow it. That is possibly the gravest sin" - The Scriptures, Book of Missions 13:21
Tarryn Nightstorm
Hellstar Towing and Recovery
#11 - 2012-07-16 02:12:29 UTC
Kalaratiri wrote:
Scherezad wrote:
I don't get it.


Boobs.


It's spelt "bewbs," actuallyBlink

Star Wars: the Old Republic may not be EVE. But I'll take the sound of dual blaster-pistols over "NURVV CLAOKING NAOW!!!11oneone!!" any day of the week.
Makkal Hanaya
Revenent Defence Corperation
#12 - 2012-07-16 02:52:22 UTC
Scherezad wrote:
Does this really pass for groundbreaking Gallente journalism?

Journalism is a form of entertainment in the Federation.

Render unto Khanid the things which are Khanid's; and unto God the things that are God's.
Muck Raker
Gutter Press
#13 - 2012-07-16 17:47:40 UTC
Scherezad wrote:
I don't get it.


It is relatively straightforward.

Incidents that cause friction within the traditional Jin-Mei society and their way of agriculture have occurred before, such as the FedMart Incident a while back.

In that case, it was the megacorporation FedMart that was attempting to bring more freedoms to the Jin-Mei people.

In this case, it is a group or groups of smugglers, possibly under Caldari Influence, that are destabilising the Lirsautton economy and causing social unrest.

It just so happens that this particular story allows for puns and metaphors of a humorous nature relating to female anatomy.

Rumours, Wars, Rumours of Wars, Wars of Rumours!
Scherezad
Revenent Defence Corperation
Ishuk-Raata Enforcement Directive
#14 - 2012-07-16 18:35:09 UTC
Muck Raker wrote:
Scherezad wrote:
I don't get it.


It is relatively straightforward.

Incidents that cause friction within the traditional Jin-Mei society and their way of agriculture have occurred before, such as the FedMart Incident a while back.

In that case, it was the megacorporation FedMart that was attempting to bring more freedoms to the Jin-Mei people.

In this case, it is a group or groups of smugglers, possibly under Caldari Influence, that are destabilising the Lirsautton economy and causing social unrest.

It just so happens that this particular story allows for puns and metaphors of a humorous nature relating to female anatomy.


I didn't realize this was such a big problem.
James Syagrius
Luminaire Sovereign Solutions
#15 - 2012-07-16 22:14:58 UTC
You should try Gutter Press's subscription service.

Amazing!

“Here also are the heralds of his praise."