Out of Pod Experience

I have this problem. I started putting on weight a couple of years ago, but that was to be expected since I ate Macdonalds every day & did very little excercise. Earlier this year I transferred to another site within my company & lost quite a lot of weight due to the sheer ammount of walking I have to do.

Then comes Easter. Naturally I ate a whole lot of chocolate & my gut ballooned. I thought the problem would go away just as it had before, but the weight keeps piling on & I can no longer see my willy when I look down. I feel that only the infinite wisdom of EVE-O posters can help me with this.

I rarely use a fork. Macdonalds doesn't provide them.

Simple physical exercise : turn head left, turn head right, repeat several times while keeping your mouth tightly shut any time anybody offers you food, tries to sell you food, or you see food you might want to get because it TASTES good.
As long as you stay away from refined sugars, fried stuff and other things full of grease, and don't stuff your face full of everything else all the time, you'll be fine.

Pretty freaking simple, but also extremely difficult.

You might consider developing a nicotine addiction to decrease your appetite.
I would recommend nicotine in propylene glycol inhaled from electronic vaporizers to both minimize costs and minimize the detrimental health effects associated with the more "traditional" method of nicotine consumption.
Bonus points - sugary stuff reduces the taste-wise enjoyment of nicotine-in-PG vaporizing, so that's an added incentive to not partake in sweets.
Extra bonus points - nicotine can reduce symptoms of ADHD, OCD, anxiety, depression and a host of other issues, and it promotes formation of new blood vessels making healing faster.

Vigorous Daily Masturbation. Several times a day you can take a five minute break and complete this action. As you are facing a toilet go into a squat position like you are sitting on the can (only you are still facing it). Keep the upper body upright and rigid. Remain in this position for the full 5 minutes while you perform the motion at a moderate pace. This will increase your heart rate, burn calories, and work out those calf, thigh, and stomach muscles.

Me too...

Now that the mystery of the asterisk has been solved, that's pretty weird

Would be an epic youtube video, but not quite to the caliber of 2squirrels1nut.

Do activities that get your heart racing a bit and continue the activity in a manner that maintains that level of stress. Too low and the benefits are meager(still better than not doing anything), too high and you risk damage to yourself with no real additional benefits. Since you want to burn fat, you need to keep it up for some time before your body really starts to burn body fat instead of mostly carbs. The exact activity is pretty much irrelevant. It just has to be something that gets your pulse up and you can maintain it for long enough on a regular basis. Think swimming, light jogging, actively pedaling while cycling or doing series of moves with your body in rapid succession while watching TV(example). Do what you find convenient and try to alternate the activities, so your body has time to recover.

Just as importantly you need to watch what you eat and how you eat. Try to keep your alchol and soda drinking in control and reduce the amount of sugars you consume as much as possible. If you're hungry, don't eat sugary snacks. Eat proper food. Try eating smaller food portions at regular intervals and only eat your hunger away. Generally don't eat until you're full. If you become hungry again later, eat again a portion of proper food. Also keep eating a healthy variety of things, that you actually like to eat. If you have to force yourself eating things you dislike on a regular basis, no matter how you force it, you'll quickly find excuses to deviate from you diet. Lastly, it's ok to deviate from the plan at times. The goal is to make such occations the exception instead of a frequent occurance.

It's not weird... the Japanese do it.

My mind was elsewhere when I read this which made it both intriguing and horrific.