EVE General Discussion

Today, in our humble world of internet spaceships, we have a growing problem. Complacency, boredom, and the day to day "mobius strip" of grinding has caused much stagnation in the lives of pod pilots. To address such a troubling issue I recommend following my patented and clinically tested "One a Day" program. It is quite simple and can be done in a single step, too!

Step 1.) Kill at least one person a day

Now, I know what some of you may be saying, such as "But Daemon, this is terrible! I don't want to kill people. I want to be a loving, caring, and law abiding citizen of Eve!" What you must understand is by killing someone, you are doing them and yourself a favor. You are exposing them to the best part of Eve. You area also shaking them and yourself from a monotonous existence and adding spice to their gameplay. Many people go weeks or months between getting killed or having a fight! They have become sloths, beholden to to a life of inadequacy. It is your duty as a good friend and citizen to relieve them of this terrible and depressing disorder.

Another good reason is that destroying a ship is good for Eve's economy! It guarantees the flow of demand and consumption. It gives a job to the poor to make goods to sell. If all we ever did was horde ISK and ships, the economy would stagnate and crumble. This cannot be allowed to happen. By destroying a ship, you ensure that an honest industrialist has a job to go back to tomorrow.

The best reason of all for killing one ship a day is that it relieves stress. Stress is the #1 cause of premature death in humans. It's directly connected to cardiac disease, depression, and homicide in the workplace. You don't want to be that guy or gal with so much pent up frustration that you either slam your boss' head into his desk, spilling his grey matter all over cheap office furniture, or come into your office with a sawed off shotgun and a wild look in your eye! No, that would be terrible. By killing 1 person a day, in Eve, you help prevent such horrible atrocities. You will also feel more motivated, self-assured, and confident. When your project manager calls you on a mistake you made you can think to yourself "If you played Eve, I'd totally gank your balls off."

To end, lets face it. We are humans, and the only way we evolved was through predation. You didn't bite and claw your way to the top of the evolutionary ladder by hugging people and eating grass from a field. You went out, you killed something, and drug it's dead a$$ back home. Or, you started a business and made it grow by crushing your competitors. This is your nature. Embrace it. Love it. You will thank me.

Feel free to leave feedback on your experience with the "One A Day" program

With Love and Urpslosions,

Daemon

I love this post, and I shall immediately start my one-a-day program. Thank you! You've truly made a difference in my life, Daemon!

Step 2: Rinse and repeat.

I've been told step 2 was cake...

Step 2 is certainly a repeat of Step 1 if it was not enough. Feel free to repeat Step 1 as often as necessary to achieve the maximum therapeutic value.

If you find yourself repeating step 1 more than 400 times a day, please either see a licensed therapist or simply pat yourself on the back for being total boss.

You are certainly welcome!

I would like to add the following:

By attempting the "One a Day" program, it might be possible that you are not successful. Sometimes you will instead be fulfilling another person's "One a Day" requirement instead of your own. Do not be troubled by this. Continue to try and do your best. Use cheap ships if you must, such as the Catalyst. I think you know what you can do with a ship like this.

I can, alternatively, seek to setup a fund for those with far too much ISK to donate to in order to support this noble cause. I would be more than happy to use a 3rd party service to make sure that everyone has at least enough money to participate in the "One a Day" program. Why would I do such a thing? Because this important cause is close to my heart. There are too many people suffering in New Eden, and killing them is the only way to end it.

If you would like to sponsor someone embarking on the "One a Day" program, please post your intention here. Mentors are needed to help the weak and uneducated. With your help, you improve the life of an Eve player in need, and his boss from having his head crushed into a filing cabinet.

One A Day Affirmation Prayer:

Lords of Gank, grant us the balls to gank the ships we can, to blob the ones we can't, and the wisdom to have a Falcon on standby.