Crime & Punishment

So I get my Rifter kitted out. Duct taped like 80 goddamn autocannons to my baby. Pod's packet so tight against the bullets I can smell the lead. I spend a good bit hunting about in my favorite low sec areas.

I don't probe, don't really d-scan, just sort of jump from belt to belt, hoping I land on something, and I luck out- a fat Gallente cruiser chilling in some rocks, mining lasers working away. Adrenaline pounding, I mash the afterburner, 'cause I know this is it. Soon as I hit range, I open up, and I swear I slow down from the force of all those guns blazing.

I don't even make orbit. I'm in my pod in a flash, and I warp out as fast as my white-hot pod'll move me, wondering just what the **** happened.

I get a similarly curious "WTF?" in local.

Turns out it was a command ship.

True story.

A story from the carebear point of view.

No shot was fired but there were some tears to be had. All from some wannabe ganker/pirate.

Yesterday when I came home from cinema my girlfriend was mining together with a pal we brought to eve some days ago.
She asked me to join them. Because I really wanted to read some message boards I only startet one acc up, jumpt into the orca, made sure it was well tanked and joined them as booster and giant cargo container.
I guessed it would take some time for a osprey and a hulk to fill it up.

Halfway through my cargo a lone cat appeared and forced my attention off the stuff I was reading.
Just to let him now we are not AFK I adressed him in local. Some fun chat ensued.

Vala: Don't hurt your ship with all that bumping him
Him: Vala Kyrija ur gonna get it nao
Him: Vala Kyrija happy halloween mothertrucker!
Him: er i meant hulkagedon
Random Guy: haha
Random Guy II: Hulkageddon started already?
Random Guy: yep
Random Guy II: :)
Vala: 'geddon is all year
Vala: But one lone cat doesn't pose a thread to a orca
Him: Vala Kyrija bet ur peeing ur pants nao
Him: my spooky catalyst is gonna orbit the shiznit out of you
Random Guy II: :D
Vala: I'm shaking with fear, really. I'm already trying to warp off but I'm shaking too much to fly.
Him: lol
Random Guy III: Guess I am out of the loop, whats going on guys
Him: Random Guy III better start running before i come after you
Vala: Some kid is trying to scare with his little dingdong. Exposing it and stuff.
Him: how does it feel to have you noob tears feasted upon!
Vala Kyrija: What tears? Must be some of your pee that got in my face. How ugly.
Him: i'm starting to get the feeling like you're not taking me seriously
Vala: Wow, for real?
Corp Mate: kind of a insulting contest?^^
Vala: X up if you take Mathieu serious
Him: how do I x up?
Vala: Just write x in chat kid
Him: x
Him: well that's one
Him: alright jokes aside, i'm looking for a mining corp. Would you happen to be recruiting?
Vala: No we only recruit ppl we take serious
Him: :/
Him: guess i'l go feast on my own pee
Him: i mean tears
Vala: Do so. I heared drinking your own urine is healthy. *urgs*

So this was the end. I had his tears and he had only his pee to feast on.
Poor kid.

That was.. unexpected.

This could possibly also go in the stupid wormhole stuff thread, but I like to get some more activity in here.

Last week some dudes from another wormhole opened their C5 static towards us (or they had a visitor that did it).
We had taken a quick peek inside, some carriers, a few t3's and an Orca or two at the POS, small corp, nothing special to see.

We expected them to collapse the hole again, but we left it open to look for possible chances of pew later.

A few hours one of our probers found them opening a grav site with a Chimera, then 3 of them mining in Hulks and one person hauling in a Badger Mk 2.
They seemed unaware of the open wormhole, or did not see it as a possible danger.

Sadly my main toon was not in this wormhole at that moment, but a very fresh alt was availiable so that i could at least put myself on one the killmails ^^.

One of our members warped in a broadsword and bubbled the place up, sadly the hauler was away just in time, but we got 3 hulks in the bubble.

Mere minutes later they were killed and podded and send back to highsec.
Turned out one of them was also the Chimera pilot and CEO of the corp, and he lost around a half billion of implants.

I guess we ruined their mining profits for a while, sadly, no smacktalking in local.

Killmails of hulks:
http://killboard.jovianlegacy.net/index.php/kill_detail/228/ 225m
http://killboard.jovianlegacy.net/index.php/kill_detail/230/ 235m
http://killboard.jovianlegacy.net/index.php/kill_detail/227/ 227m

Killmails of pods:
http://killboard.jovianlegacy.net/index.php/kill_detail/229/ 89m
http://killboard.jovianlegacy.net/index.php/kill_detail/225/ 84m
http://killboard.jovianlegacy.net/index.php/kill_detail/226/ 560m (CEO/Chimera pilot)

Total drops were offcourse very low, but at least we managed to make their day suck.

As always got a lot of targets that only undock when en mass...

So I get into my Thorax and check if I can get some kills.

I see a can of a known can flipping corp, normally these will jump on you with numbers including ecm no matter what you have.

I think what the hell only 1 in system so if it is a trap ah well. I approach the can and a Cane de cloaks.

http://eat.killmail.org/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=13280403

I do the customary GF in local with no response... Not my fault he could not take a Cruiser with a Cane.

I continue my search and notice a corp mining. A couple of orca's/hulks and a Raven.

I flip the can and the raven engages. With one of the hulks also releasing drones.

Yeah you can guess which one I went for first.

Hulk:

http://eat.killmail.org/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=13285626

Raven:

http://eat.killmail.org/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=13285727

In the end I had a the Raven, Myrm, and a Domi on me, my poor Thorax could not take the strain of such heavy fire, popped shortly after I popped the Raven.

Thorax Loss:

http://eat.killmail.org/?a=kill_detail&kll_id=13285748

And yes, I realized afterwards I forgot to press the damn record button.

Uhm... is that carebear pirate tears? Thats new :p

This is my problem with his statement. What do you do when you ransom people then? This is the stupidest thing I have read in ages. He totally destroyed his own agenda there.

I actually thought he was trolling for a while, still hope he did tbh.

"Ransoming him then killing him does make it harder for those that actually honour ransoms."

This...

Not sure if this quite fits in here, but....

Got 500 million private contract on me from the local Dodixie scammer, and the person paid off two small corps to war dec a one-man corp I made today.

Hrothgar Nilsson > you don't know how much it satisfies me to know you offered 500 million for me being podded.
XXXXXX > i would be insulted. the min is usually 2 bill
Hrothgar Nilsson > 500 million, i couldn't be more flattered.
XXXXXX > they took you for way under price.
XXXXXX > WAY UNDER
Hrothgar Nilsson > you're feeling really strong emotions to put 500mil on a 22-day old account. flatters me.
XXXXXX > you pay either way.

Been laughing my ass off all evening.

For some of us piracy is the way of life and the only isk income, When I go for it I go strictly professional, more like, you pay you live, no pay you die... there is no killing for those who pay. No emo rage behaviour the way I roll. Just being isk wise in long term.