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The End of All Things Goon
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Bank ofRetribution
Doomheim
#1 - 2012-05-07 03:30:18 UTC
As a representative of several interdependent economic ventures, industrial organizations, and speculators-- and due to the rather ill-timed excesses of a given notoriously unscrupulous alliance, I am hereby announcing the initiation of a new, historically novel and economically comprehensive galactic contract.

Our funds are virtually unlimited, as we are drawing profits from established market manipulations, real world cash conversions (thanks to the innovation of PLEX and its current sale price), and some very well placed strategic investments. These investments stretch over 6 years in a variety of diversified holdings.

Our contract with you is simple, and lucrative.

We are currently offering bounties of 1 billion isk per frozen corpse of any member of Goonwaffe or Goonfleet who currently, or previously has held a named leadership position in these companies. This includes all past players who have held these leadership positions, whether or not they are still enlisted in the ranks of these corporations. Frozen corpses of Director and CEO positions will be awarded 10 trillion isk.

The outcome of this re-distribution of wealth throughout the game will, for a short time, wreak havoc on the markets as the excess funds temporarily drive down prices... and, for those who are not adaptive nor prepared for this eventuality, will find that their support of the inflation Goon has created will suffer the same fate akin to real world investors in properties and precious commodities.

Conditions:

The corpses must be delivered to any base within 1 jump of Jita, and contracted to me for the price of 2,012 isk. Contracts should be set for at least one week to allow for timely payment. Make sure that you set your fees according to these guidelines, without exception, or the payout will be null and void. Also note the particular spelling of the recipient: "Bank ofRetribution" with no space between the 'f' and 'R.' We do not require documentation or evidence of the named roles a player has had... our agents have infiltrated Goon corporations for years and we already know who they are. Payouts will only be distributed to the contract initiator. Note that entry level Goon recruits who have not had altered roles and leadership responsibilities will not qualify for this award.

All of these corpses must be delivered within the next 20 days- with the resolution of all remaining payout contracts within 3 days of the terminal contract date.

Contracts can be initiated at any time now, and will be compensated within 72 hours.

Thank you for your assistance in this matter, and enjoy the isk.

Best regards,

Bank ofRetribution
Karn Dulake
Doomheim
#2 - 2012-05-07 03:32:13 UTC  |  Edited by: Karn Dulake
seems legit

and for 10 trillion isk in sure that Mittans would have himself podded a dozen times and pass his frozen corpse though his own alts if the Goons thought for a second that you weren't a trolling no mark posting on an alt in an NPC corp
I dont normally troll, but when i do i do it on General Discussion.
Innominate
KarmaFleet
Goonswarm Federation
#3 - 2012-05-07 03:35:39 UTC
I have a mittani corpse I'd be willing to sell.
Abel Merkabah
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#4 - 2012-05-07 03:36:56 UTC
Give me 5 Trillion in advance, and I'll do it...

James315 for CSM 8!
Jessie42
Eighty Joule Brewery
Goonswarm Federation
#5 - 2012-05-07 03:37:28 UTC
Oh boy.
That Handsome Frog
A Random Corporation
#6 - 2012-05-07 03:38:45 UTC
Because people would never come up with the idea to kill themselves to contract corpses over.
Graic Gabtar
The Lemon Party
#7 - 2012-05-07 03:39:58 UTC
Mittens had better log on so he can start podding himself.
Mars Theran
Foreign Interloper
#8 - 2012-05-07 03:42:56 UTC
Well, that's awfully vague. Why don't you just post the names of these individuals and the bounties for each of them.

For example:

The Mitanni - 10 Trillion ISK

Vile Rat - 10 Trillion ISK

Andski - 1 Billion ISK.. or is that 10 Trillion; I have no idea as I've never been concerned enough about any of them to look that closely.

..then perhaps you could use a Corp with a similar name to the character instead of just an alt. Make a little investment at least.


What exactly is it you hope to gain by this anyway? ..aside from possibly a lot of Goon corpses very cheap? It's unlikely you'll get any of the higher up ones anyway, unless they contract them to you themselves. That's actually a fair possibility all things considered.

To reiterate: What was the purpose of this?
zubzubzubzubzubzubzubzub
Darth Tickles
Doomheim
#9 - 2012-05-07 03:44:48 UTC
More like the end of all goodposting, amirite?

hi5s all around
Morganta
The Greater Goon
#10 - 2012-05-07 03:45:35 UTC
end result

bank of retribution gets thousands of goon corpses for 2012 isk per and the sellers get nothing

transparent scam is transparent
Simetraz
State War Academy
Caldari State
#11 - 2012-05-07 03:51:07 UTC  |  Edited by: Simetraz
Morganta wrote:
end result

bank of retribution gets thousands of goon corpses for 2012 isk per and the sellers get nothing

transparent scam is transparent


Actually I got money on Mittens podding himself with an alt and making a ton more ISK.

Better yet you will find every last officer in Goonswarm now has a standing order to do the same.

EVERYBODY KNOWS
Abel Merkabah
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#12 - 2012-05-07 04:01:03 UTC
Simetraz wrote:
Morganta wrote:
end result

bank of retribution gets thousands of goon corpses for 2012 isk per and the sellers get nothing

transparent scam is transparent


Actually I got money on Mittens podding himself with an alt and making a ton more ISK.

Better yet you will find every last officer in Goonswarm now has a standing order to do the same.


Ha, there is only 2012 ISK...getting Goons to kill themselves/each other for 3 days is the plan...as stated above obvious scam is obvious...lol...

James315 for CSM 8!
Nylith Empyreal
Sutar Rein
#13 - 2012-05-07 04:04:56 UTC  |  Edited by: Nylith Empyreal
Don't corpse names not show up in contracts anymore? Wasn't there an Assembly hall thread about this?

https://forums.eveonline.com/default.aspx?g=posts&t=62621&find=unread

Who's the more foolish the fool or the fool who replies to him?
Andski
Science and Trade Institute
Caldari State
#14 - 2012-05-07 04:10:25 UTC
I have a DBRB corpse. How much does that go for?

Twitter: @EVEAndski

"It's easy to speak for the silent majority. They rarely object to what you put into their mouths."    - Abrazzar
Andski
Science and Trade Institute
Caldari State
#15 - 2012-05-07 04:13:35 UTC
Also, what's my bounty? Just wondering.

Twitter: @EVEAndski

"It's easy to speak for the silent majority. They rarely object to what you put into their mouths."    - Abrazzar
Gloomy Gus
Deep Core Mining Inc.
#16 - 2012-05-07 04:16:04 UTC
Morganta wrote:
ult

bank of retribution gets thousands of goon corpses for 2012 isk per and the sellers get nothing


You forgot the particular spelling of the recipient: "Bank ofRetribution" with no space between the 'f' and 'R.'

step up your game

"DIE N***ERS1 DIE!!!" - EVENEWS24's Riverini "Gloomy Gus is literally a pocket" - Krixtal Icefluxor (former EVE Online player)
Akirei Scytale
Okami Syndicate
#17 - 2012-05-07 04:17:18 UTC
You just made a lot of goons super rich.

"Never not shoot blues"

I have a damn collection of BoodaBooda corpses. If only they still had names on them.
Gloomy Gus
Deep Core Mining Inc.
#18 - 2012-05-07 04:20:11 UTC
Can you please at least put a courtesy bounty on me so that I don't have to admit to the other goons in the showers that nobody cares if I'm dead

"DIE N***ERS1 DIE!!!" - EVENEWS24's Riverini "Gloomy Gus is literally a pocket" - Krixtal Icefluxor (former EVE Online player)
Abel Merkabah
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#19 - 2012-05-07 04:22:06 UTC
Gloomy Gus wrote:
Can you please at least put a courtesy bounty on me so that I don't have to admit to the other goons in the showers that nobody cares if I'm dead


+.01 ISK Bounty

I care...please, I am poor though, might have trouble paying out if you off yourself for it...lol...

James315 for CSM 8!
Degren
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#20 - 2012-05-07 04:24:41 UTC
Adorable.

But really, just another reason I kinda wish we were limited to one account each. If this kind of thing were possible I think assassinations would be fairly common/awesome.

Hello, hello again.
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