Alliance & Corporation Recruitment Center

I got my 2000th kill as a member of OUCH this weekend, an epic tale of the Happy Rainbow Fun Fleet II.

Yes, I'm kind of partial to ECM. Thanks for asking.

Just wanted to bump this for OUCH! justice. I only joined 3 days ago (and joined EVE only a week ago), but wanted to say how great it is.

2George decided to teach me and 2 others ad hoc, out of the kindness of his heart, when the beginning modules weren't planned at all
The day after I managed to do so more training under Dybbuch. My (limited) experience is that they're all great guys that actually know their stuff and are happy to answer questions (of which I have a lot).

At this rate I'll be able to administer the OUCH to my enemies soon enough!

As bullmastiff said, if you don't like to see the "spectacular light displays" from the wrong side of "the light display", join ouch

The first time you get locked and start taking damage ... Sweaty palms pumping heart nerves tingling but above all a moment of paralysing fear

Ouch will teach you .... The only thing to fear is fear itself ( that and miss Teri)

Sometimes I get a convo asking me if we are still recruiting. I always laugh at the thought.

OUCH is never recruiting: We advertise a service to teach you tactics that should help you learn to survive in in null sec space.

There's a reason it's called Open University. If you want to learn, all you need to do to is ask join.

Open enrollment. No hidden fees. All we ask is you be patient and follow our corporate policies and regulations while you are with us. Stay for a while, get trained and leave, if staying and training others is not what you want to do.

We don't have drama. We don't want a ton of members to fund our corporate expenses. Honestly, we kick out half of our enrollment for failing to train, or for failing to follow our regulations.

Join us and train. Fail to train, you're gone. We don't encourage our players to waste their time, and we definitely waste our time on people who don't really want the training we give.

There is no catch.

We're the real deal.

Don' t End Up A Statistic

Take The OUCH Course

Learn Valuable Tactics That You Can Take With You

Don't End Up On The Killboards Of Your Foe

Or As Another Killmail For Others To Gawk At Your Stupidity .. As Above Undocking In Jita ATM

If you are not sufficiently paranoid in New Eden, you WILL lose your shiny new toy -- regardless of whether you haunt high sec, low sec or null sec.

But neither will a healthy dose of paranoia protect you if you haven't the training to avoid those dirty birds seeking your demise.

Now let me share a little secret....

The vast majority of those dirty birds are not properly trained either.

With proper training, you can put the dirty birds on a rotisserie. Join us. Now pass me a drumstick...

Good crew to fly with and lessons to be learnt

I have applied. Teach me, great masters, to eat metal and shoot iron lasers from my eyes.

Research has shown that eating metal does not power iron eye lasers. However, Minmatar pilots have been known to consume vast quantities of toxic metals in order to sh*t projectile ammo for their autocannons. (Not recommended if flying anything larger than a frigate!)

But if it's lasers you want, I suggest a cocktail of Quafe Zero and Frentix with a healthy splash of Johnny Walker Blue. That should power up your Amarr eyes. Be sure to keep your shades on around friends!

Now that you know all about manufacturing your own ammo. Join us to learn nullsec survival.