Jita Park Speakers Corner

The very fabric of Eve is in danger of being torn asunder, stretched tight across the battle drums of the heroic defenders of New Eden and the 10,085 evil trolls perched at every thread, their rhythmic mashing of the F5 buttan in synch with the dying heart of New Eden itself. The False King has been cast down and replaced by righteous men, but it is not enough... CCP MUST do something to appease the neckbearded boggart that these Goons have summoned with their unbridled rage and seething hatred of all things good. Their fury is unmatched, and their loins sore, yet they cannot lift themselves from their nagahyde thrones to allow their cheeks a moment's respite, lest they miss the actual moment when the CFC collapses from this strange mixture of shame, outrage and boredom. A rift has emerged in our community - one that must be filled immediately with new content befitting our new CSM and their tender sensibilities. This new content will commemorate the moral battle that the valiant defenders of niceness have won here, today, as well as the burning of Deklein that they will win tomorrow, disarming these trolls with a great resounding EXPELLIARMUS!

Now that resistance to ambulation has been handily ejected from the CSM, we need a new race to symbolize the New Eve and welcome back ambulation. One whose myriad skin colors transcend race, symbolizing New Eden's new found harmony. With flowing luminescent hair and soft, round muzzles. They would walk on all fours in the captain's quarters, with hooves instead of feet, their clippity-clop filling the great halls of Jita 4-4, where we could all socialize after our esteemed CSM bring about great advances in ambulation. Their star systems would have to have non-offensive names, like Twinkle Town and Sparkle City. Their ship trails would leave all the colors of the rainbow, along with sparkledust and possibly brownies. They have no pods - nay - they can gallop freely across the cosmos without them, casting glittering rainbows in their wake. Majestically, yet at the same time playfully, surveying the universe for signs of the deep, emotional trauma caused by "The 10,000". Their ships would all receive bonuses to modules that use a new mechanic called "Care beams". Much like logistics ships, yet instead of repairing damage caused to another player's ship, they would repair damage caused to another player's heart.

We are ushering in a new era of peace and prosperity, CCP. This is definitely good for the company. What say you, pod pilots? (and future spaceponies! )