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EVE New Citizens Q&A

 
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Social anxiety

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Author
Mortimer Divinitas
Doomheim
#1 - 2015-04-16 21:07:40 UTC
Yes, it's gotten so bad that it also affects online socialization for me.
It seems that finding a good corporation is extremely important, looking at the game it makes sense.
But when your me anything with other people is impossible, every game I play I play solo. Star wars old republic, elder scrolls online etc.

And since I hear social anxiety is such a common disorder, thought someone on here might have the same issue and got around it. What I'm asking is how did you deal with it? Did you somehow find a corporation who understood? And yes I am being pathetic for asking this.
Zoe Athame
Don't Lose Your Way
#2 - 2015-04-16 21:19:37 UTC
Mortimer Divinitas wrote:

every game I play I play solo. Star wars old republic, elder scrolls online etc.


Maybe you should stop playing MASSIVELY MULTIPLAYER games?

Like 99% of video games are single player. They aren't hard to find.
Paranoid Loyd
#3 - 2015-04-16 21:24:20 UTC  |  Edited by: Paranoid Loyd
You are not pathetic, I think everyone has social anxiety, we all just deal with it differently, some of us better than others.

People will always be judging and scrutinizing you, the thing you have to realize is it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you, it only matters what you think of yourself. If you have a problem with yourself you need to identify what that is and come up with a solution to it or at least get it under control.

You already took the first step to solving it by admitting to yourself it is a problem. Now you need to come up with a solution. To me the obvious solution is to force yourself to talk to people even though it is not a comfortable thing to do. If you are like me you are terrible at making small talk. That is the great thing about this environment, small talk is easy, just ask questions about the game and relationships will grow naturally over time.

"There is only one authority in this game, and that my friend is violence. The supreme authority upon which all other authority is derived." ISD Max Trix

Fix the Prospect!

Memphis Baas
#4 - 2015-04-16 21:39:41 UTC
Finding a good corporation CAN be important but it's not everything. Basically, a crappy corp won't provide you with any more fun than you can find for yourself, so why bother. A good corp, on the other hand, can make for a fun game.

But, this being just a game, you don't really owe anyone anything, and achievements in EVE are really just as much a waste of time as watching a movie (and getting all the subplot elements) or reading a book and predicting the ending midway. You're not proving yourself to society, you're just wasting some time to get some entertainment value.

If proving yourself to other people is too much of an issue, a solution may be to form your own corporation and let others prove themselves to you as they join. Running a corp is a lot of work, though, be aware of that; you'll be herding cats and trying to provide a themepark worth of entertainment to your members.

Ultimately, though, we're interacting through the medium of a game, and most people won't really care who you are, what you do, or how you feel. They just want to group up to do some in-game activity and have some fun for a couple hours here and there.
Vimsy Vortis
Shoulda Checked Local
Break-A-Wish Foundation
#5 - 2015-04-16 21:48:38 UTC
Everyone playing EVE is a massive nerd of some kind or another. You have nothing to worry about.

Also recall that the players in EVE are also the content, the most challenging obstacles and interesting opponents are human ones and the means to overcome those obstacles are also other players.
Carter Chesterforce
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#6 - 2015-04-16 21:59:50 UTC
In my experience, everyone has this problem to some degree. The way most overcome it is by joining up with real world friends or family memebers to play a given game. Things are simply more fun and better if you have real world friends/family (brothers, sisters, Dads, whatever) to hold onto while you move down that road to learn and interact; especially in a game you've never played before.

Now. There really are folks out there that have the ability to just "show up" and its like they were always there. But they are pretty few and far between.

In lieu of friends or family, it really boils down to confidence. Once you are confident in your skills and abilities, your ability to contribute and add value, it becomes easier to reach out. Sometimes that happens for me early in a game, sometimes much later. Sometimes never. Or I just don't think its needed to have fun. Just depends.

You'll know when the time is right.

Begin by posting on the forums. Being active in zone chat. And let the chips fall where they may.

Good Luck.

And all the Best.
Phig Neutron
Rubicon Cubism
#7 - 2015-04-16 22:10:54 UTC
You can play the game with other people without being on their side. There's still some fun to be had in fighting them, tricking them, stealing from them, evading/escaping them, trading with them, and so forth. Just think of them as the best damn AI enemies of any computer game.
Cara Forelli
Caldari Colonial Defense Ministry
Templis CALSF
#8 - 2015-04-16 23:46:30 UTC  |  Edited by: Cara Forelli
Depends on how severe it is.

I have social anxiety and I am not only a member, but also a director of my corporation. I mostly work "in the background".

Social anxiety comes in a lot of forms. Personally I can be quite social in small groups but shut down when too many people are around. If you are like me I'd suggest looking for a small/mid-sized corp that doesn't have strict participation requirements and lets its members fly solo when they want. They way you'll have a small support group to help you learn and grow, and people to talk to and fly with, but you can also play solo when you need to.

EVE and the internet in-general are a great way for people like us to socialize in manageable doses. Unlike real life, if it's too much you can always just log out.

And no, you are not pathetic. You are just you. Not everyone will understand, but that is fine.

Want to talk? Join my channel in game: House Forelli

Titan's Lament

Tsukino Stareine
Garoun Investment Bank
Gallente Federation
#9 - 2015-04-17 00:22:49 UTC
pretend you're someone else. I know it sounds weird but roleplaying genuinely helps with this kind of stuff
Sabriz Adoudel
Move along there is nothing here
#10 - 2015-04-17 01:15:31 UTC
I've been there.

First thing is - if EVE is stressing you at any point, log off. EVE *will* stress you at times. You'll lose a ship to a cunning trap you never saw coming and start to get mad - when that happens, log off and do something else. (I had Path of Exile as my 'I need to relax' game; and I never played it anything but casually).

Second thing is - separate real world morality from EVE morality. You'll do stuff in EVE that would be utterly reprehensible IRL - whether that be shooting an unarmed trading vessel, strip mining an asteroid with no consideration of the environmental impact, scam, or shooting battleships with thousands of people in them because they are believed to be Serpentis loyalists. Embrace this.

Third - don't put anyone in a position where they can steal a lot from you. That's a huge cause of social stress.

I support the New Order and CODE. alliance. www.minerbumping.com

ergherhdfgh
Imperial Academy
Amarr Empire
#11 - 2015-04-17 01:58:01 UTC
you don't have to talk to other people to shoot them.

I don't think that anyone would argue that shooting some one is equivalent to being social. So just run around and shoot people and be very very anti-social. Problem solved.

Want to talk? Join Cara's channel in game: House Forelli

ShahFluffers
Ice Fire Warriors
#12 - 2015-04-17 02:57:09 UTC
This is why booze is so helpful. Blink

In all seriousness though... I have seen people like this. Hell... I sometimes I find myself saying "**** PEOPLE."

The trick is to just listen. You don't always have to talk on comms. You can also type. Though, be aware that sometimes people will take a little bit to notice you typed something rather than said it.
When you get stressed, walk away from the game... take a walk... or just say you are going to go do your own thing in the game for a little bit (NOTE: not all corporations will require your undying loyalty or that you must always do X activity because the corp is also doing X activity).

Eventually you just get comfortable being around and hearing the same people. And then you find yourself able to talk more and more.



I will also note that a lot of people display some form of "social anxiety" at EVE meetups. It will usually melt away as soon as every realizes that everyone else is just as socially inept and/or nerdy as they are.
Eve Solecist
Shitt Outta Luck - GANKING4GOOD
#13 - 2015-04-17 07:33:34 UTC
We should have a talk ingame, maybe I can help you a bit.

I won't be on until .......

.........

.... sheesh, in 12h by chance .....

....... WHERE IS MY LIFE GOING D: ....

.... and I'll convo you when I see you. :)
  • All incoming connection attempts are being blocked. If you want to speak to me you will find me either in Hek local, you can create a contract or make a thread about it in General Discussions. I will call you back. -
Eve Solecist
Shitt Outta Luck - GANKING4GOOD
#14 - 2015-04-17 07:35:53 UTC
Tsukino Stareine wrote:
pretend you're someone else. I know it sounds weird but roleplaying genuinely helps with this kind of stuff

This helps is soooo many situations and can be a life changer.
  • All incoming connection attempts are being blocked. If you want to speak to me you will find me either in Hek local, you can create a contract or make a thread about it in General Discussions. I will call you back. -
Azda Ja
Native Freshfood
Minmatar Republic
#15 - 2015-04-17 08:34:41 UTC  |  Edited by: Azda Ja
I've been struggling with social anxiety and other problems for a very long time. It comes and goes with varying intensity; sometimes I just can't stand people for months at a time. Yet, I find EVE has been a help to me in the last year. I started playing last July at a bit of a lowpoint in my life (so far). The extremely niche nature of this game seems to foster a lot of camaraderie. As others mentioned, small talk is easy here, because of how deep this crazy game is.


  • "What does this doohickey do?"

  • "Hey, mind scouting out that gate for me?"

  • "OMG I'M TACKLED! HAAAAAAALLLP!1!!1!1!!!


Things like that and 149672450785108121 others will be jump off points to easy social interaction *most* of the time. Obviously, your and other's personalities will factor into that, sometimes you just don't like each other.

The challenging nature of the game is also something I've found enthralling, especially since "figuring out" real life has been a bit difficult for me thus far. The cold brutality and harshness, in the context of a game, means that your successes in EVE, while not life changing by any means, will still be incredibly satisfying.

Interestingly, though EVE is known for it's afore-mentioned harshness, it's also the only online game I've ever played where I felt compelled and actually encouraged to work with other people. I think that's why EVE is actually the best online game for those with social anxiety. It's a challenging environment that unobtrusively encourages social interaction and teamwork, all in the context of an online game. As long as one remembers that this is indeed just a game, I can think of no better MMO for the socially awkward/anxious.


TL;DR:

I think EVE is the best MMO for you because it challenges and forces you to interact with people, in an organic way, in a "safe" and very compelling setting, filled with people sharing similar interests. This is all quite subjective of course, but I think you should give it a shot.

I hope our comments can convince you to give EVE a fair shake. It really is worth it!

EDIT: got a little personal there..

Grrr.

Ralph King-Griffin
Lords.Of.Midnight
The Devil's Warrior Alliance
#16 - 2015-04-17 09:03:56 UTC
Exotic Matters
Fried Liver Attack
#17 - 2015-04-17 11:51:18 UTC  |  Edited by: Exotic Matters
Well some of us have more social anxiety than others. I am not going to go into my issues on here but suffice to say that I am "disabled."

It is true that if you want to really play EVE, to PVP and not just be a lousy carebear, you pretty much need to join a corp, get on comms and fly with others. But there are ways to remain in the background without social pressure. I would consider joining one of the larger corps/alliances that have frequent large fleets that you can simply join and stay in the background. Most of the time you can get by with just listening, without your mike being hot at all. Maybe occasionally you will have a better day and you might interact a little more, or fill a role that requires more social interaction like a scout or even FC. Smaller corps will generally force more conversation on you, and probably make you uncomfortable.

If you are new to PVP, I would suggest RvB, they have constant fleets you can join, and if you never say a word to anyone, no one will ever even notice. I've also found such a place in a CVA Alliance corp, the various Providence region (nullsec) allied fleets are frequent and you can remain anonymous in them. Both these suggestions are from personal experience, and I have racked up over 1500 kills in just a few months between a couple characters, neither of which are this forum alt. I am a newer player of about 8 months, only PvPing during the last half. It took me awhile to find a corp where I could feel comfortable enough to get involved. Perhaps my suggestions will help get you around some of the trial and error I went through.

You can send me message, if you are sincere, for more info or suggestions. I do OK talking 1 on 1 with people, its the group thing that is bad for me.
Minmatar Citizen 534612187
Citizen Corp.
#18 - 2015-04-17 17:49:59 UTC
Hi.

I also play games solo; I'm a pretty solitary person, and I enjoy it that way. Even though I play solo., the reason I enjoy MMOs is the multiplayer aspect. The competition, risk, etc. Just because a person doesn't want to team up with a bunch of people and constantly be socializing doesn't mean an MMO isn't right for them.

If you like playing solo., then play solo.
Eli Stan
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#19 - 2015-04-17 18:28:26 UTC
Mortimer Divinitas wrote:
Yes, it's gotten so bad that it also affects online socialization for me.
It seems that finding a good corporation is extremely important, looking at the game it makes sense.
But when your me anything with other people is impossible, every game I play I play solo. Star wars old republic, elder scrolls online etc.

And since I hear social anxiety is such a common disorder, thought someone on here might have the same issue and got around it. What I'm asking is how did you deal with it? Did you somehow find a corporation who understood? And yes I am being pathetic for asking this.


I wouldn't say I have social *anxiety*, but I am rather averse to large groups. First, I often don't have anything I'd consider interesting to say, and second by the time I do have something I'm never able to get into the conversation to say it. (I think I think slowly, so even if I have a response right away somebody else is already halfway through their own response by the time I'm ready to speak.) So for RL gatherings of large groups, I'd rather just stay away. It's not anxiety, it's that I find them rather uninteresting/unrewarding for me.

Despite this though, I've been playing EVE for over a year now with a large-ish group, and have been really enjoying it. Mostly I listen on comms and rarely speak, and when I do have something to say I use the asynchronous nature of text chat to offer my comment that way. I can think about and type and edit my response while others are talking or typing, then submit it when I'm ready. If I'm being addressed directly though, it's easy enough to respond via voice.

I've even been FC a few times. That doesn't involve a lot of back-and-forth chitchat which I'm bad at. (Which isn't to say that I'm a *good* FC, just that I *can* do it, and even enjoy it. :) )

The group I play with, by the way, I found through semi-random chance. I picked CAS as my starter corp during account creation, and it turns out there are a lot of active veterans in CAS who like to help out newbies like I was. They're cool with me interacting as much or as little as I want. I was starting to get bored with EVE prior to learning of this group, and would have quit without them. EVE is the only MMO I've ever tried out. All my other gaming had been single-player games.

Anyway, I have no idea what form your social anxiety takes, or whether emulating my usage of text chat to get around my issues can help you any, but hopefully you can figure things out. Sorry I don't have better advice on how to find an accepting group to play with - I just lucked in to it.
Joan Miles
Center for Advanced Studies
Gallente Federation
#20 - 2015-04-18 08:50:48 UTC
Well this is EVE. Social anxiety in EVE is treated like this:

Option A : Find a quiet spot to shoot some very cute but otherwise harmless rotating rocks. aka mining

Option B : Find a quiet spot to shoot some very cute but otherwise boring npc "red crosses" . aka missioning

Option C : Find someone else shooting rocks, or npcs, or someone in general and SHOOT his FACE off. Then very politely shout" This is MY system!..MINE!"


Choosing option C will effectively let people know that you are serious about your social anxiety and they may leave you alone. On the other hand there are people who do this on a daily basis, for similar reasons and may choose to join forces with you during your crusade. Then you end up in a corporation called Social Anxiety and you shoot stuff and faces together.

Welcome to EVE Pirate
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