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Khanid man finds Bottomless Pit in back garden, theologians amazed

Author
Shirley Serious
Gutter Press
#1 - 2014-02-07 17:46:32 UTC
A Khanid man on the planet Afnakat X recently claimed to have discovered a Bottomless Pit in his back garden, while planting vegetables for the coming season.

The Bottomless Pit appears in several Khanid theophilosophical works, as a metaphor for punishment of sinners, and the discovery of what appears to be the Pit amazed several local theologians.

"I have long thought that the Bottomless Pit may have a physical reality to it, perhaps some form of wormhole or other spatial distortion", said one local Afnakatian priest.
"The reality of the Pit has profound implications for all of Khanid theology", said another.
"A series of wormholes that opened and swallowed nearby persons is a somewhat plausible theory", said another local priest.
"The Bottomless Pit could quite possibly be some strange astronomical occurrence, not limited to the conventional three dimensions, it does not need to have just one mouth", said a local astrocartographer.

The discoverer of the Pit disappeared shortly after announcing the discovery, with some suggesting they fell in while attempting to take a self-portrait.

Other local residents expressed concern about the possible danger of the pit, saying it should be fenced off.

"Children and slaves routinely drown in neighbours swimming pools, this Pit is a magnitude more dangerous", said one local concerned mother.
"When he said he had found the Bottomless Pit, I said to him, so I did, I said 'pull the other one, it has bells on', and now the silly fool has gone and fallen in, so he has", said a local flower arranger.
"We shone a light down the hole, could not see the bottom. Then we dropped a few pebbles, didn't hear them hit anything. If it's not bottomless, it's very deep", said a local geologist.

Local officials said that King Khanid II has been informed of the existence of the pit, but they have not yet received any instructions on what to do.

Gutter Press will continue to look into this, and other stories.

Just the facts.

Johanes Beaumonte
Societas Imperialis Sceptri Coronaeque
Khimi Harar
#2 - 2014-02-07 17:54:51 UTC
Eh? You can't be surely serious!

Has someone notified Nauplius yet?
Valerie Valate
Church of The Crimson Saviour
#3 - 2014-02-07 18:10:33 UTC
Down with this sort of thing...... hmm.

Doctor V. Valate, Professor of Archaeology at Kaztropolis Imperial University.

Claudia Osyn
Non-Hostile Target
Wild Geese.
#4 - 2014-02-07 18:20:16 UTC
Johanes Beaumonte wrote:
Eh? You can't be surely serious!

Has someone notified Nauplius yet?

Maby Nauppie fell in.....

A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.

Nauplius
Hoi Andrapodistai
#5 - 2014-02-07 18:41:14 UTC
I have long spoken of the Pit, sometimes naming it as such, other times calling it Abaddon, the Pit of Destruction. And ever am I mocked — called heretic or madman for believing such things not only exist, but exist materially.

Now I stand totally vindicated. Fear God, sinners. The Pit awaits for you. Amen. Amarr Victor.
Claudia Osyn
Non-Hostile Target
Wild Geese.
#6 - 2014-02-07 19:13:36 UTC
Nauplius wrote:
I have long spoken of the Pit, sometimes naming it as such, other times calling it Abaddon, the Pit of Destruction. And ever am I mocked — called heretic or madman for believing such things not only exist, but exist materially.

Now I stand totally vindicated. Fear God, sinners. The Pit awaits for you. Amen. Amarr Victor.

Must feel good, being backed by the wholly reliable reporting of gutter press...

A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.

Lyka Gridherst
Doomheim
#7 - 2014-02-07 20:29:47 UTC
Nauplius wrote:
I have long spoken of the Pit, sometimes naming it as such, other times calling it Abaddon, the Pit of Destruction. And ever am I mocked — called heretic or madman for believing such things not only exist, but exist materially.

Now I stand totally vindicated. Fear God, sinners. The Pit awaits for you. Amen. Amarr Victor.

I know a drop user when I see one!
Khergit Deserters
Crom's Angels
#8 - 2014-02-07 21:50:05 UTC
As a representative of Toxic Waste & Biohazard Disposal Services Corp. (TWBD), I will pay top isk for this gentleman's contact information.
Makkal Hanaya
Revenent Defence Corperation
#9 - 2014-02-08 01:28:48 UTC
We are not desecrating the Bottomless Pit by using it as a toxic waste disposal.

What we ought to do is build a large park and picnic area around the pit, and then have monthly family events where we toss sinners into it.

Render unto Khanid the things which are Khanid's; and unto God the things that are God's.

Claudia Osyn
Non-Hostile Target
Wild Geese.
#10 - 2014-02-08 03:31:17 UTC
Makkal Hanaya wrote:
We are not desecrating the Bottomless Pit by using it as a toxic waste disposal.

What we ought to do is build a large park and picnic area around the pit, and then have monthly family events where we toss sinners into it.

Oh, I love base jumping!

A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.