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TMA - How to properly honor "Bob"

First post
Author
Smokie McLottapot
Revenge of the Undead
#1 - 2012-07-29 20:27:57 UTC
We all know we must honor Bob, the god of all that is wormhole, but how?

I've heard of useing a shuttle at the sun? SD? Use the ship(s) about to go into a site to make boom boom?

Does Bob like other ships? Mining barges perhaps? Exotic Dancers?

Is there a ceramony?


Could a wise Wormhole Master please enlighten me?

Thanks
Asayanami Dei
Adhocracy Incorporated
Adhocracy
#2 - 2012-07-29 20:55:01 UTC  |  Edited by: Asayanami Dei
"Those who thrive in Bob's space are responsible for evaluating others who would seek to inhabit the holy realm. We do this by observing and testing those who would seek to be as we are. We watch for lapses in alertness and teach the neophyte that they are lethal. We test their discipline by bringing our fleets on them unexpectedly to test their reactions."

"Those who are worthy of Bob's respect are aware at all times, keep their heads in combat and stand and fight in the direst of circumstances. They meet our strength and determination with their own, and this leads to many glorious GFs. Those who fail our tests are ejected from Bob's holy places and made to return to the wasteland that is referred to in the lore as "Empire.""

From The Scriptures of The Unknown

I'm a leaf on the wind, watch how I--THE CAPACITOR IS EMPTY

Youtube: /asayanami

Twitter: @asayanami

wormholefundamentals.com

Oona Kasenumi
Doomheim
#3 - 2012-07-29 21:02:47 UTC
One must take the shuttle, henceforth known as "the offering", and fill it until it overflows with exotic dancers. The offering must be flown to the sun by only the purest among you. Once there, the capsuleer must scream as loud as he can (over comms) "LORD BOB I RELEASE MYSELF INTO YOU" while he activates the self-destruct sequence. During this sequence the capsuleer must sing, as loudly as he can, the first minute of the song "Friday". While this is happening, the other members in the WH corporation MUST use alts to sucide gank at least one hulk. Other mining barges will do, but you will get the most melteds from lord bob if you gank a hulk and/or mack. After the gank is complete, everyone must then get on their WH mains and warp to the sun, and watch as the purest capsuleer releases into bob.

After the ritual is complete, all involved capsuleers are now free to warp to wormhole sites with the blessing of our lord bob.


(On side note: This is why the buff to mining ships is in fact a stealth nerf to wormholes.)
ISD Dorrim Barstorlode
ISD Community Communications Liaisons
#4 - 2012-07-29 21:06:03 UTC
To appease Bob, you must:

- Always provide a fight when it is presented.
- Learn to fight wisely in Bob's Presence.
- Sacrifice a shuttle to Bob before running His Sites.
- Squander none of Bob's Gifts.
- Carry exactly what you need.

These are the fundamentals. Learn them well.

ISD Dorrim Barstorlode

Senior Lead

Community Communication Liaisons (CCLs)

Interstellar Services Department

chris elliot
Hateful Intent
Hostile Intervention
#5 - 2012-07-30 08:46:24 UTC  |  Edited by: ISD TYPE40
*snip*


But yes OP standard shuttle SD at the sun is customarily acceptable.


Discriminatory/derogatory language removed, please post sensibly in future, thank you ISD Type40.
Admiral Tomahawk
The Scope
Gallente Federation
#6 - 2012-07-30 14:55:45 UTC
The almighty does not accept self-destructing. Only the burning of others to the ground.
Godfrey Silvarna
Arctic Light Inc.
Arctic Light
#7 - 2012-07-30 15:08:25 UTC  |  Edited by: Godfrey Silvarna
SD is heresy. Bob is the anthropomorphised avatar of the omnipotent Random Number Generator, and He is angered by self destructs. Blowing yourself up makes you unworthy in His all-seeing eyes, and this will bring you bad loot and useless rolls of the static. He only accepts frozen corpses as sacrifice, and thus frequent PvP is necessary to stay in His favour. There can be no truer friend and protector than the almighty Bob, so stay true to the teachings of His humble prophets.

Relaying passages from the Necronomicon to Local helps to attract His attention towards your offering. Sacrifices are traditionally performed at the sun. Serve Him well and offer Him frequent sacrifices, and you shall always have the rarest loot from the wrecks of your enemies and His static wormholes will carry you to the most exquisite systems.
Daniel Plain
Doomheim
#8 - 2012-07-30 15:19:38 UTC
i'd like to worship bob by shoving an immersion heater up his behind.

I should buy an Ishtar.

The Almighty Bob
Imperial Academy
Amarr Empire
#9 - 2012-07-30 17:46:23 UTC
ISD Dorrim Barstorlode wrote:


- Always provide a fight when it is presented.
- Learn to fight wisely in Bob's Presence.
- Sacrifice a shuttle to Bob before running His Sites.
- Squander none of Bob's Gifts.
- Carry exactly what you need.


Nailed it.

I'm also partial to capital sized explosions...
Daniel Plain
Doomheim
#10 - 2012-07-30 18:44:14 UTC
The Almighty Bob wrote:
ISD Dorrim Barstorlode wrote:


- Always provide a fight when it is presented.
- Learn to fight wisely in Bob's Presence.
- Sacrifice a shuttle to Bob before running His Sites.
- Squander none of Bob's Gifts.
- Carry exactly what you need.


Nailed it.

I'm also partial to capital sized explosions...

well hello there. i have many shiny shuttles back in my van. you wanna go take a look?

I should buy an Ishtar.

Sao DaSilva
Adhocracy Incorporated
Adhocracy
#11 - 2012-08-01 20:55:11 UTC
Well they say if you want to get rich then create a religion.

I have yet to see my cut of the takings!
Bugsy VanHalen
Society of lost Souls
#12 - 2012-08-02 16:55:11 UTC

The sacrifice of capital ships has always proven to bring BOB's favor, either through SD or burning of uninvited visitors. the higher the value of the ship the greater favor it will bring along with greater spoils.

For just as in ancient times when the sacrifice of the best ram in your herd gained far more favor than sacrificing one that was sick or lame, sacrificing your best ship will bring far greater favor from BOB.

If you sacrifice an officer fit T3 cruiser you will have the numbers roll in your favor for months without additional sacrifices. If you do not have officer mods your best T3 will be accepted by BOB as a great sacrifice and will be well rewarded. The sacrifice of shuttles will appease BOB diverting his wrath for a short time, but to truly bring his favor the sacrifice must be of great value to the one offering it.
Brother Zebediah
Exit-Strategy
Unchained Alliance
#13 - 2012-08-09 22:21:06 UTC
Friends, I have come to tell you of Bob.

Bob is the provider of good connections, ample sigs and profitable anoms. His bounty is available to all, believers and non-believers alike, in wormhole space.

Brother Zeb offers the following services to the wilds of the wormhole frontier:

> Blessings performed - give your ammo, probes and ships an edge!
> Enemies cursed until their points wither and their towers fall.
> Births and re-births celebrated in Bob's name
> Weddings always a pleasure to perform (pods for 2, or more, available at a small charge)
> Why not inspire your troops with a blessing on your campaign?
> Battlefield ministry available (bagpipes extra)

Bob is my shield and My Cloak.

Martyrdoms this week: 0

Donations welcome. This ministry doesn't run itself son ;-)
Jonah Gravenstein
Machiavellian Space Bastards
#14 - 2012-08-10 01:22:59 UTC
Exotic dancers both male and female, dolls, militants, marines and the damsel are all acceptable offerings, although Bob is seriously in need of janitors, sleeper complexes don't clean themselves and are full of dust.

Obviously the above sacrifices will only gain small boons from Bob, sometimes an infidel without a probe launcher, at other times a bountiful drop of melted nanoribbons. For a bigger return a more valuable sacrifice is required, the destruction of a mining barge or T3 cruiser by friendly fire falls into the sizeable sacrifice category, items in this category sometime result in an occupied static or a plentiful crop of sigs.

In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.

New Player FAQ

Feyd's Survival Pack

Sith1s Spectre
Sky Fighters
Rote Kapelle
#15 - 2012-08-10 03:12:44 UTC
Confirming Bob does not always accept shuttles as sacrifices.

As the prophet of Bob I took it upon myself to warp into a Quad escalated anom in a shuttle in order to sacrifice it in His name.

It wasn't until the frigs spawned that they managed to kill this unworthy offering.

May Bob forgive me.

Sith

Resident forum troll and fashion consultant

Ravan Hekki
Caldari Provisions
Caldari State
#16 - 2012-08-10 23:52:36 UTC
- Bring a good fight. Bob likes a fight.
- Don't SD. Bob doesn't like cowards
- Don't eject from your t3. Bob likes a sacrifice of SP.
- Burn any non WH dwellers who trespass against us. Bob does not like the faithless.
- Burn the pos of those who do not bring a fight, but gf those who do fight. Bob likes a fight and his blessings are upon those who fight.
- Don't talk in local, bob likes silence.
- When they are available in the market you shall wear Two-steps shinny trowsers. Bob has a sense of humour.

My humble suggestions and rules to live by.