Out of Pod Experience

Girls fart? I learned something new today.

Well that sure did ruin the idea of thongs for me. But being an optimist and a product of the ultra-capitalist system, I immediately began thinking of how this problem could instead be turned into money. So how about this: men's jock straps equipped with a sound-dampening thong. Yes, I know you're going to say there's no market for that. The kind of guys who wear jock straps don't care about dampening their sounds. Truth be told, they may be the kind of people who think their sounds are a big source of hilarity. You know, punishing other people in the locker room with them, that kind of thing. People who wear jock straps are not known to be the most particularly socially sensitive, at least during activities that call for wearing jock straps.

Well sir, right there is where you might be failing to think as a true capitalist. So what if the person who is supposed to use the item never uses it? The point is not to sell something that people actually use. The point is just to sell it. What happens to it after that is none of your concern. Men will not by a sound-dampening courtesy jock strap? So don't market them to men. Market them to women. Moms, wives, and girlfriends who like the idea of their sons, husbands, and boyfriends being silent out in public. Silent, and therefore more gentemanly and higher class. Moms, wives and girlfriends have probably never been in a men's locker room, so they have no idea how low-class they really are. They don't know that if the recipient of the thong jock strap is actually seen wearing it, he'll be shamed and bullied forever. Well, actually he might get some special attention and make some new friends.... See, now you have yet another market to explore for your courtesy jock strap product. You see, the opportunities are endless if you use some creative thinking.

That, my friends, is the wonder of the modern capitalist/consumerist system. Whenever there is some problem, there is an opportunity for entrepreneurship. I won't use that stale old "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade" saying. Everybody's sick of that one. I prefer a real modern world example. "When the Food & Drug Administration won't approve your pharmaceuticals, sell them to the Third World." Here's a simple equation I'll share (and you can quote me on this, free gratis): Problems = opportunity = money. Using this equation, you can turn your disillusionment in women's thong underwear into something you can put into the bank.

Next: Marketing to children: just make sure grandma will buy it

you wanna smell the ones my missus lets rip in bed ... they make my bloody eyes water